How to Spot a Pathological Liar
How to identify a pathological liar and what causes a person to tells lies?
“Liar, Liar pants on fire….” So your wondering about pathological liars, well my friend you have come to the right place. My entire life I have know people who lie, I my self have told several lies in my troubled-some youth, so needless to say I know a lot about people who tell lies. There is one person in particular that I have know for many, many years she is a Pathological liar. She lies about what she ate for dinner, she lies about her hobbies anything and everything really. Now I know that confronting this person is not the right way to approach her, and here’s why…
A pathological liar is usually a person who tells lies to make them selves look better, feel better and seem better. These people are often depressed with their lives, they often have very low self esteem and are lacking in social society. Confronting such a person can cause an emotional breakdown, where the lies they have told when confronted bring the person to the reality they are trying so desperately not to face.
So how do you help the pathological liar? Well one approach is helping in a very subtle manner. Catch them in small fibs, if they said one day they spent ten bucks in gas to get somewhere and then tell the same story and change the number to twenty bucks, a small reminder it was only ten bucks. And do it often let them know with out being blunt you are listening, and in a way watching. Subconsciously the person will begin to catch themselves before they speak. This process can take many years and it may or may not work, I am not a professional Psychologist, just a human with experience.
Being lied to whether intentional or nor makes us the victim so to speak, feel disrespected. Of course, this person isn’t trying to make you feel bad but rather make them selves feel better.
If you feel the person truly needs help beyond your capabilities, or you want more professional advice, don’t be afraid to ask. A psychologist, a doctor someone in those professional can give advice and offer other resources. This person obviously has deeper issues then just telling lies and those are the issues that need to be dealt with the most. And if you yourself suffer from being a pathological liar, it is time to face the truth, “you need help!”
How to Spot a Pathological Liar
- They change their story all the time
- They will exaggerate and lie about everything, the smallest and easiest things to tell the truth about and the big serious things
- What ever you do, they can do it better.
- They often don’t value the truth, and can often live in their own type of reality.
- They will act defensively when questioned or challenged, they see their lies as not hurting anyone
- They lie for sympathy or to seem better
- They usually never own up to the lies
- They contradict what they say, they lose track of the many lies told
- They lie because they are insecure
Liked it
grammar police | Jul 22, 2008 | Reply
there are a lot of spelling mistakes and wrong words used in this. if you want to be taken seriously, you should definitely edit it. the information itself is actually great, so why put it to waste?
for example:
“troubled-some” is wrong – it should be “troublesome”.
also, “someone in those professional” should be more like “someone working in one of those professions”
Darlene McFarlane | Jul 22, 2008 | Reply
Hi MFeilding,
I enjoyed your article. I have known a few pathological liars in my day. One used to fight bears in the wild with his bare hands. What I can’t understand is…can’t they see how far fetched their stories are??
M fielding | Jul 23, 2008 | Reply
Thanks for pointing out my mistakes,often I write in the mid of the night and sometimes I edit late too….Thanks I’ll try to be more careful….And to answer your question Darlene, sometimes they really don’t know how rediculous they sound….Bye
M Fielding/Raguett
Valerie | Aug 12, 2008 | Reply
Hi, I have been with someone for 10 years that lies about things that dont matter, I can handle them. What is real disturbing is when they tell a lie and you catch them and then they tell more and more to cover the one, and will deny it and turn it around on you like your crazy and the emotional drainage that comes with it, it is horrible. I can’t take it very much longer. Thank you for your article.
Gloria | Aug 25, 2008 | Reply
Hi, I have a grown daughter who is a Pathological Liar. It’s really sad because of all her lies..she ruins the lives of many people. As long as things go her way, she’s fine, but as soon as she’s told ‘no’ or confronted about something and the tables are turned… she gets ‘vendective and out of control’. Don’t turn your back on these type of people because the ‘knife will hit hard’. She is very abusive even on her own kids and will deny every inch of it. Pathological Liars have a way of manipulating even the legal system into believing it’s not them..it’s you.. or everyone else.. so I am telling everyone to watch very closely how you handle a person with this type of disorder. Thank You for this article.
Cezanne | Sep 8, 2008 | Reply
I am involved with a pathological liar and find it has taken an incredible toll on my emotional state. The lies are all encompassing, and are in every aspect of our relationship.His constant paranoia leads to constant questioning of my personal affairs. Many people who know him have told me to run for the hills, yet his stories seem so convincing, I doubt my gut instinct.When I have tried to end it in the past, he has become vicious, and enraged. I am actually a bit frightened of his response. At this point, I am just waiting to finally catch him so I can leave with ammunition .
mfme | Oct 3, 2008 | Reply
I’ve been romantically involved with a pathological liar for about 6 months, I’ve already documented at least 75 lies she has told.
When confronted on the telephone she hangs up, when confronted in person she walks out after throwing knives at me about every aspect of my personality.
I feel sorry and sad for her but it’s impossible to trust this person, you’ve done something, she does it better, she worked for the C.I.A but can’t talk about it etc. etc. etc.
The best advice I can offer so I don’t ramble is get away, far away, the only way to help someone like that is when they ask for help, the problem is they never will, I think they believe their lies so they feel no need for help.
Pathological liars will turn your life upside down and inside out and blame you for everything and anything when confronted or cornered, get away, far away.
It has cost me a great has me a great deal financially and mostly emotionally being with someone like that, it’s not worth it, not at all!
DATING ONE NOW | Oct 14, 2008 | Reply
Well I can attest it is an eye opener to find out you have been dating a pathological liar for the last eight months. I have been dating this woman who first told me she had owned her home when in fact her ex boyfriend still owns it, I even caught her in several lies….why am I still with her? I still love her and sadly I know now I can’t fix her. I have loaned her money and bought her many nice things. I even caught her ex bfs car at (his) house when she said she was out of town…she even told me that it was a neighbors car and she wasn’t at home. Blah, blah, blah….I confronted her and of course she lied to cover it up. So where do I go from here? I am emotionally torn up and I have told her I loved her several times….and all I get is an Ummmm~! So any advice would be great…
raguett MF | Oct 15, 2008 | Reply
Sorry to hear DATING ONLINE…I think it’stime to give your gal an ultmatum, be truthful or the relaionship may not last….tel her how you are feeling, be honest..mayb she will too…maybe…
rohan | Oct 17, 2008 | Reply
Never mind the spelling mistakes >>> i think ur really good and u should keep writin!!!
best of luck
rohan | Oct 17, 2008 | Reply
hey i kinda have a small problem with one of my friends who seems to never stop lyin,my friends n i confronted her but she doesnt seem to stop>>> ive spoken to a few doctors but u seem to understan the problem much better.. so if u think u can help please let me know>>
thank you
KP | Oct 19, 2008 | Reply
Hi to all,
Thank you for your insight. This helps with my healing process. I was married for 9 years and only found out my ex husband was a pathological liar 8 years and 3 kids later into the marriage. It has been a nightmare dealing with this person. He is manipulative with the children but so cunning. I am doing my best to stay away from this loser. However, he constantly uses the kids to annoy me. It is so stressful.
Machaela | Oct 24, 2008 | Reply
I hope that this message might lend hope to some of those out there today in a struggling relationship with someone who is a pathological liar, or someone who is just having troubles telling the truth. Whether it be your friend, your husband, your family, your daughter, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. All liars, even pathological CAN get better. It is a myth that they will never get better. I met one a year and 3 months ago and after finally admitting to me and himself that he needed the help, with my support (which is very important, they wont do it without that reason to try) he found a therapist and now he is MUCH better. I have caught him in a few lies here and there but the important thing is he opens up now and is able to ADMIT it. That shows improvement. And anyone can, they only need to admit it to themselves and they need that emotional support!
Goodluck everyone and show your love.
Amelia | Oct 28, 2008 | Reply
Hye! I think I tell small white lies too.
And I’m worried..though,I don’t lie about EVERYTHING..For example,what I had for my breakfast I’m 16..I discovered that all of my girlfriends has a boyfriend,ecxept for me.I want one too but I know I am still too young.
In order to make my life less pathetic,I lied to my friends
telling them I have a boyfriend.I created an imaginary boyfriend just to make my life more interesting.I’m concerned about myseld.Do you think I should get help?
MF Raguett | Oct 29, 2008 | Reply
Amelia, every teen tells lies,I am not saying its right but we all have done it….If your concrned that you have problem try keeping a lie journal…everytime you tell a lie big or small write it down, this is called self therapy. You’ll see how much you actually lie and it could help you to stop, or seek help…As for the boyfriend thing, fess up if your friends are real friends they won’t judge, maybe some friendly teasing but they will be happy you told the truth…and hey having a boyfriend or girlsfriend at you age is really less important then you think….good luck…MF
Sharron | Nov 4, 2008 | Reply
What I need to know is – is there reason to be afraid of one of these people. My son has told so many lies to so many people he has ruined his life. No job, place to live, family, friends, etc. I am afraid he will “flip” and do something terrible as he blames us for his troubles, of course. He has always refused help as he thinks he is “ok” and we arn’t. He is 29. He has been in jail and also has drug troubles.
miriam | Nov 6, 2008 | Reply
it is a sad thing when you realize someone you’ve trusted and loved turns out to be a pathological liar. without a blink, they turn the tables on you and try to make you look like the “bad” person. i saw signs and yes, there were red flags but chose to “look the other way” to keep the peace. now i am tired of the lies and manipulation. unfortunately i’m dealing with not just one friend, but two friends who have shown me their true colors and i have chosen to walk away from them. i guess i was naive – i thought these kind of people were only in the movies! and i am still a little shocked that these two “friends” twist the truth, lie and manipulate. they don’t care if they drag your name through the mud or how much they hurt you. they are the only ones who matter in their twisted little brains. it’s very sad and hurtful.
Sharon | Nov 7, 2008 | Reply
I guess we have all lied to a degree I know I have. BUT some people take it to the extreme. I have a child with a compulsive liar, he’s a very dangerous person. When we were together he would tell me such GRAND stories and some of them I believed others I thought sounded a bit far fetched. But he was so excited while telling them. He was a great story teller. But then later I found out about some very serious secrets and lies and it hurt me to my core. I often wonder why he wanted to hurt me in this way but honestly now it seems that he just couldn’t help himself. I don’t trust anyone now except for close friends and family. These people are dangerous and my advice to anyone who is in a relationship with a P. Liar, GET OUT. They don’t change. Your wasting your time trying to change them. A person will only change when they get ready. Lieing is like an addiction. Save yourself some trouble and get out.
Sharon | Nov 7, 2008 | Reply
Oh and to Sharron #17, yes there is a reason to be afraid of these people. Let me tell you why, they will lie about anything. Usually people like this have other issues. My ex that lied well come to find out that he had a criminal record that he hid from me and said he never had issues with the law and it got worse, i found out that he had a huge drug addiction that he also lied about and said that he NEVER in his life used drugs and then I found out that hes a heroine user. He had money problems, horrible credit but yet he said he had great credit. He put me through emotional hell making me seem like I was a bad person but in reality he was the one that was screwed up big time. These people could very well flip out. I currently have a restraining order against by ex because he threatened to hurt me, but then he turned around and said that he “comes in peace” and he’s NOT going to hurt me. You just never know. Be careful. Sometimes we have to teach our kids hard lessons and walk away a bit. Anyone with a drug habit has the tendency to hurt people. Ever heard of people who sell their kids, homes and cars for drugs…well there you go. Like I said, be careful.
Sharron | Nov 7, 2008 | Reply
To Sharon (above) and everyone else – its so hard when someone you love so much acts like this. There is no doubt in my mind my son is mentally ill and it hurts like hell. For myself and him. He had such potential and now he is a wreck. I want to help him (and I have many, many times) but I dont know how. The rest of the family and friends say – get over it, there is no hope, move on. But I cant – he is my child. I want my little boy back. I miss what could have been.
Nina | Nov 23, 2008 | Reply
Hi – I’ve been married for 10 years and only recently found out that my husband lies about everything. I knew my husband was strange throughout our marriage and we have a huge communication problem because he was always right and he would get enraged at the smallest thing, even when there was nothing to get enranged about. I find him the most difficult person to live with but yet he says he loves me very much and treats me like he hates me. He gets so angry he has to leave the house for several hours to cool off and even then it will take him a couple more days to cool down. And I’m always wrong as during his cooling off period he thinks of all the ways I’m wrong and he’s right and when he cools down he confronts me on how wrong I was. I’m always in awe of how this man’s mind works. Then he tried to strangle me in his horific rage after twisting around a situation that happened and blaming me viciously for his own actions. I’m hurting right now as I can never trust him again as I’m only now finding out that he’s been lying to me for the past 10 years as now i’m paying attention to everything he says and they just don’t add up. When he was caught lying he said he needed a minute and went away for a minute and came back with a cover up lie. I have a make a decision as to whether or not to stay with this man who I’ve been living with in hell for 10 years because of his verbally abusive behaviour. When confronted about his lies he gets enranged and makes me feel horrible as though I’m crazy or something. I can’t believe I trusted him all this time – I now feel I have a different husband to what I had thought. I need some help on this one so I can go on with him or without him.
Pam | Nov 24, 2008 | Reply
Nina- your story frightens me! I mean I am scared for you. I once dated a P. liar and had to deal with a lot of pain from his manipulation and deceit. I really think you should get away from him because he has already become violent with you. I remember a story a few years back about a man named Mark who snapped and killed his pregnant wife. She had found out that he had been lying to her- lied about obtaining a college degree and being accepted into graduate school. When his wife found out his house of cards came tumbling down, and he broke and killed her. You probably know what case I am talking about. It was all over the news because there was a big search for her, and he had dumped her in the landfill. Its horrible to talk about. I would never put it past a pathological liar to harm people to cover for themselves because they are very self centered people. Take care- I hope all goes well with you.
melissa | Nov 25, 2008 | Reply
I have been living with a pathological liar for 2 years, I love him and I honestly have gotten very withdrawn from him because of his lies,I don’t trust him at all. I catch him starring at other women in a suductive way and makes me feel like crap and when I ask him about it he says I was looking somewhere else. He thinks he is stone cold steve austin now since a few young girls told him he look like him. I went out with him when we first got together and we went to a night club, I looked over to see where he was and before my eyes he was licking cool whip off of a 18 year old girls belly on a table. He had appolojized for this act repeatedly but says he just got caught up in this act because of his friend…I think if I break up with this guy he would be very violent. I catch him in lies all the time. I am confused. help!!!!
john c | Nov 25, 2008 | Reply
i have a girlfriend, she told me she had 40 million dollars.she bought me a $30,000.00 motorcycle which i have never seen..she says its in a garage somewhere.She told my friends she wanted to buy quads from them and never showed up with the money, she bought a new motor home for 292, thousand dollars when we were supposed to pick it up she never showed up…every thing she says is a lie, i have found out..she wanted to get married and have a confederate wedding and asked her friend to be made of honor and bridesmaids..they bought the dresses and then started a big fight with them and told them the wedding was off.now they are stuck with the dresses. I dont care if she had money or not but i dont understand why she says she has that much money and says she is buying stuff and never pays for it…she lives with her ex husband in a house and another male friend lives there..
I thought i found the woman of my dreams and find out its the women of my nightmares…yesterday we were supposed to pick up the motor home i was standing in front of my house and she drove past and i didnt hear from her again..please is there anything u can tell me and why is she doing this…she asked my mother to have thanksgiving dinner and she said she ordered 12 turkey breasts and my mother said she prob. wont even show up…what is wrong with this woman.?
Nina | Nov 25, 2008 | Reply
Thanks Pam for your eye opener. I forgot to mention that there was a baby side to my husband – he can be the nicest person in the world and his friends would never know what goes on behind closed door. He takes me out all the time to dinners, lunches, walks, movies, cycling and we love gardening together. He has this dual personality. But he has it under control outside the home. Inside he’ll be nice for a week or so but whenever we get into a disagreement (because of his anger) he becomes a monster. Then he’ll cool down in a few days and he is all sweet and wonderful again. We even go to church every sunday, he helps out at church, he volunteers his time to the community and delivers food to the elderly. He is kind and compassionate to others. I don’t understand how he can go from one to the next and how harsh and vicious he can become with me. He turned into a monster and tried to strangle me for something he did wrong. He lies about everything. Can someone relate to this? Thanks
Dee | Nov 29, 2008 | Reply
I have been married to a P.Liar too, for the past 7 years now. I dread every minute we are alone, when my 4 yr old son is not around.. He immediately resorts to name calling and yells at the top of his voice. He does not show any respect and am worried that it will bear an influence on my son..I cant get over the fact that he physically abused me when I was pregnant with my son..He shook me up and threw me around,slapping me when I was 88 months preg..I couldnt believe that this was the man I loved and so longed to have his children!He has let me down!!
I have caught him lying on several occasions.. He goes around telling women that he is unmarried! How can anyone deny their own children??? He also goes around telling other Brazilian women that he travels a lot, to Brazil and back when he clearly was on his way back to Inida!!He also tells people that he plans to visit a Switzerland or Paris and would meet up with them, when he clearly has no time or an intention to do so! I have also seen him addicted to porn, but he denies it! The saddest part is, I dont think he realizes the damage his lies are causing to others! I have married a man with absolutely no values!!! I am scared to reach out and seek for help..I know he’d harm me somehow.I cant separate his son from him either… Not sure what I can possibly do. I am always seen as a firecely independant person and I also manage a huge team for an MNC!! So much for my leadership skills which fetches me recognition at work at all times,I dont think it helps at home at all. I become a different person with my husband! It has changed my personality altogether!
Betrayed | Nov 30, 2008 | Reply
What does anyone think about exposing a liar? There’s someone in my life who has done nothing but lie. He cheats and lies about everything and anything. He lies about his education and experience to get jobs, lies about drinking and drugs and lies about anyone he’s at odds with. In our family, we say, “If he’s talking, he’s lying.” An example would be that he lies about having warrants for his arrest (says he doesn’t when he does). These things are easily checked out. Exposing him is the only way to protect his future victims. I believe to turn a blind eye is enabling.
monalisa | Dec 4, 2008 | Reply
Some of these supposed pathological liars sound like they have some serious mental illness and should be diagnosed by a psychiatrist. They could be bi-polar, schizophrenic or something else that might be controlled with medication.
If you are able to speak with the person calmly, tell them you prefer hearing the truth. If there’s verbal abuse, call them on it, calmly state that what they’re doing is abuse. Get help if you choose to stay with him/her.
If it’s your child, love them, but don’t enable them. Get counseling for yourself and if possible, for your loved one.
curious girls | Dec 10, 2008 | Reply
MY FRIEND LIES CONSTANTLY WHAT SHOULD WE DO?!
MF Raguett | Dec 10, 2008 | Reply
confront them and tell him/her how those lies make you feel..they will get mad but a good friends won’t stay mad forever…be honest and encourage honesty..good luck.MF
GS getting wiser about people | Dec 17, 2008 | Reply
I have just learned about p.liars. My now ex-girlfriend is one. The simplest description I can come up with are her fathers words “She’ll tell a lie when the truth will do”. Her philosophy was “A liar and a thief, got no place for them”. Ironic…
She can not be wrong, lies about possessions, lies about where she’s been, saying she’s in NY and is closing a 5 million dollar deal, when actually, she’s at home having movie night with her daughter.
Claims to be very financially stable when actually the car she braggs so much about belongs to her boss, drivers license is revoked and she gets money from her dad.
Run… Run… Run…
Even if this type of a person wanted fixed and got help. How could you ever trust them again.
It took me 6 months to catch on. They are very good at deception.
Weeping Angel | Dec 20, 2008 | Reply
I had a friend, whom I cared deeply for, who was a pathological liar. For years I knew he was lying to me but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and convinced myself that because he was betrayed so many times in his life that he has trust issues. He always changed his story and he would always try to one-up me to show me how superior he was to me. He lied about being a semester away from getting a Bachelors degree in Mechanical Engineering when he wasn’t even close to getting a Bachelors and he wasn’t going for Mechanical Engineering. He lied about speaking four languages. (Give me a break). He takes great pains in presenting himself as more intellectual and interesting than he really is. He fancies himself a deep thinking and profound philosopher of sorts but in reality he has a very narrow view of the world. He is very book smart and has some mechanical aptitude but the truth is he isn’t very bright. One day I got feed up and stopped talking to him because I couldn’t take the lying any longer. He knew I caught on to his BS and he promptly ended our friendship. For months I just couldn’t come to terms with the fact that he lied to me. It did mess with my head. I blamed myself for not being a better friend. I believed that he would eventually open up to me if I had more aggressively proven myself to him. (Stupid) Then I had found some stuff out about him and realized that he lied his whole life. What he did to me paled in comparison to the pain he caused through his lying and the lives that he destroyed. He told me that he was married once and divorced. It turns out that he was married three times and he cheated on all his wives. In fact, he had impregnated a woman he had an affair with when he was overseas. He married the woman he cheated on his second wife with. His third marriage only lasted a few weeks. Did I mention he wasn’t very bright? Prime Jerry Springer material right here let me tell you. He was adamant about telling me that he’d never hit a woman. He bragged about how his ex-wife (third ex) tried to file charges and the judge dismissed it. After checking into it myself, sure enough the judge did dismiss the FIRST charge. A few months later, he plead guilty to the SECOND charge. He was ordered to take some anger management classes. He lies so readily I don’t think he realizes it half the time. I know that he had a tough childhood and his biological parents did a number to his head. Even now he’s royally screwed up. I’m sure his parents made him feel inadequate so now he lies to prop himself up. He’s terrified that the world will see him as he really is: A scared man who is weak and shallow. What’s sad is he is so stubborn he isn’t going to change. He’ll continue to lie the rest of his life. I pray to God that his lies don’t hurt his children.
Been There | Dec 31, 2008 | Reply
I was involved with a P.L. on and off for ten years. We have two children together and I never realized he was a P.L. until our most recent (and permanent) breakup. There were small red flags in the beginning but I never even noticed them. His friends and family thought he was the sweetest, most sincere, and kindest guy. He would get compliments left and right about being such a great friend and wonderful son. What I did not realize at the time was just how completely he had duped them and me. When I was pregnant with our first child and decided not to live with him he threatened to committ suicide he did this time about three times during my pregnancy. He lied about small things, he lied to test me, he lied about a conversation I overheard in which he promised another woman the engagement ring he had given me and denied saying it. Every time he told a lie he would say, “I have no reason to lie”. Once I confronted him about a comment he made about needing to go for personal counseling, he turned the tables and said he never said that and maybe I was the one who needed to go see one. Things got so bad that I believed I was the wrong all the time and that it was my fault that the relantionship failed again and again. He manipulted almost every situation and tried to control other people’s responses so that he would not be found in his lies. When we broke up once he went to our neighbor and told her a very sympathetic “poor nice guy trying to do the right thing” story effectively altering her view on me and situation. He had me convinced that I was mistaken when I caught him in a lie. I actually believed that my memory was mistaken and I had accused wrongly!I learned from his mother a few years ago that he had been to a psychatrist but had completely duped him and was able to manipulate the doctor into believing what he wanted him to believe. He continues to lie to this day. However I am aware of his lies as he tries to catch himself and omits things instead of outright lying(some of the time). I am afraid that our daughter is beginning to show these same traits as she has been caught lying several times over little things. I make a great effort in making sure she recognizes what she is doing and correct her. She tries her best and is improving. If you have a child who is doing this stay on top of them. Do not let the lying continue without intervention! Help them while they are still young and are more susceptible to discipline. Make sure that you do not tell a lie not even a small one ever! Her father uses his diabetes to claim false illnesses to obtain sympathy from others and from his own daughter who worries excessively about him. He is currently on anti-depressants (which is a slight step in admitting part of his problem) but I dont believe he has been seeing a doctor since. For all who are going and who have been through this mentally and emotionally abusing (yes it is abuse)My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am grateful to the Lord for revealing to me the kind of person my ex really is.
Monica | Jan 3, 2009 | Reply
I have a very similar situation to Weeping Angel, a friend who lies about everything, whose parents did a real number on him growing up and I know that is the root cause of why he is the way he is today. He lies to make himself look richer, more important, educated, worldly. I have been able to disprove SO much of what he told me through public records and common acquaintances. He changes his story when telling it to different people, even to me! I am embarrassed and ashamed that I trusted him knowing that he is a PL. They can really suck you in so beware! And, yes, they will totally mess with your head for months after the relationship ends. I also believed that I could be a good friend and help him change in some way but they cannot change, not without intense therapy from a professional and many times not even then. If you are fortunate enough to recognize a PL before you get too involved, get away. They can really mess you up.
V | Jan 7, 2009 | Reply
Artists tell lies to tell the truth, politicians tell lies to cover it up.
Anonymous | Jan 13, 2009 | Reply
Oh yes, i can tell you now a lot about lying seeing how you’ve told SEVERAL during your youth. Yes, quite the first hand knowledge of what a pathological liar thinks. You have NO IDEA what causes pathological liars to do so, and you shouldn’t be pushing your opinions on others and pretending like it’s a fact. My life is perfectly normal and nothing is wrong with it. However, I have no control over my capacity to tell fibs. I am NOT trying to deal with a childhood trauma, nor am i trying to create a facade of self-affirmation. I am simply compelled to do so, beyond my will to resist. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT PATHOLOGICAL LIARS ARE TRULY LIKE, AND YOU NEVER WILL! HOW ABOUT THE NEXT TIME YOU DECIDE TO WRITE ABOUT A MENTAL DISORDER YOU OBTAIN A MODICUM OF KNOWLEDGE ABOUT IT FIRST, INSTEAD OF WRITING YOUR SUBJECTIVE DRIVEL AND WASTING EVERYONE’S TIME WITH YOUR CRACK-POT THEORIES!
MF Raguett | Jan 14, 2009 | Reply
To Anonymous….Well your comments are very bold..I like that…BUT…I did do a lot a real researc for this article…andas I said I do have first hand experience with pathologia liars…Someone in my imediate famly has this problem and I have to deal with it everyday…Telling fibs or lies desn’t make everyone a patholgical liar…but for some it does..so I am sorry if you were offended….and as I have said Iam no expert…But i do research and know my own personal experience…this article is a a guide not diagnocis…So thanks for your comments…good or bad they are apprieciated…
Mark | Jan 16, 2009 | Reply
Wow, I was becomming a PL when I started cheating on my wife two years ago. The funny thing is, I rarely told a lie before that relationship. I was constantly breaking up with that woman because I felt so guilty about lying and cheating, and lying for me was not easy, nor was it easy for me to hide that I was lying. The sex was just so increadible I always acted out of impulse. But I was not in love. The more I stayed in that relationship the easier lying became, but I was only fooling myself. My wife always felt something was up with me, I finally told the truth. Broke up for good with the other woman, but that wasn’t so easy to do. She was a total PL always and constantly making up storys to make me feel sorry for her and come back. Sometimes I almost listened, but I decided not to look back and broke it off for good, I feel so much better about myself, It seems the lies were a huge weight on my shoulders. My wife forgave my lies and betrayal, and we have taken steps to mend our relationship. To this day, my ex-mystress lies to everyone in her family and I now see just how much I allowed myself to be manipulated. I lost trust in others and my own integrity. Never again!
Twinkle | Jan 18, 2009 | Reply
My father is a pathalogical liar.He was fine until the day my mum died- because she kept a very tight reign on him.Since her death in nov 2006 he has told people he is a millionaire! a barrister! that my brother and i have fleeced him of all his money!I managed to get him to see a psychiatrist, but he pulled the wool over his eyes and stopped going, altho he tells me he still is.I have never ever been more hurt at any time than i have been by the actions of this man who is supposed to love me.i hate him.Sorry if that sounds harsh but its the way i feel.He now teels me hes met some woman and they are moving in together and eventually emigratingmto spain.I dont doubt hes met the woman,but i bet shed be amazed to learn that they are moving in together.The truth of it is, he cant aford his rent and is being kicked out.I might add that this is the home that he and mum actually owned together but he sold it in order to finance his fictitious life.Hes told his sister the same ste of lies hes told me, because he wants somwhere to live.She thinks hes moving in with this woman,but has offered him sanctuary “If it all goes wrong”. Little does she know that its all going to go wrong before it even goes right!!! im not going to enlighten her tho.Ive tried so hard in the past to tell her what an awful liar her brother is, but she wont have it.She thinks im just always looking on the bad side and wont give him a chance.No i Wont.And for very good reason.The thing that makes me most angry is that i can non confront him because he just gets shirty.Everyone tells me to just let him get on with it,but its hard.He IS my dad and there is a degree of love there, but its fast disappearing.If youre involved with such a person and youre able to get away then do so, as fast as you can.They have no regard for anyone only themselves.Dad has no idea, and neither does he care, about the pain hes put me through since mum died. Im 46 and have my own family and life.Hes 67 and should know better.I used to consider myself a kind,caring person, but since realising just how bad my dad is, ive become hard, vindictive and most unchristian. He has a lot to be held responsible for.Ive actually wished him dead on many occassions and that’s not right is it. These people destroy you.Totally. We must not let them.They can drag themselves down, but they needn’t think we are going with them.Find an inner strenght and use it to detatch yourselves.Thats what i’m still struggling to do, but if i dont im going to go totally insane.
No One On My Side | Jan 19, 2009 | Reply
I am going through this right now. I have three children with a man who is a PL. I didn’t know until after we started having kids that so many of the stories he had told me were false, I would get completely different versions from his family… Of course, his versions were that all of the bad things that happened to him were the fault of someone else, he was never to blame. More recently we had an episode of physical abuse, but even he doesn’t own up to it. We filed police reports, but conveniently they did not find that this was “spousal abuse.” (He is a police officer in our city). I even discovered an online dating profile of him and he says; “A guy at work did it as a joke.” He must think I’m stupid. I have had to give thousands to a lawyer to separate from him, but at the moment we are living under one roof and it is hell. Some nights he doesn’t come home and if he does come home at 1:30am he either stays up all night playing PS3 or he turns his music up loud and wakes the kids and I up. He even lies and says he was at home in his bed when he wasn’t. In my mind he is completely rediculous and at this point I don’t even want to share custody of our kids with him. The problem is I don’t have ANYONE on my side. I’m so worried he will lie about everything in court and I won’t have sufficient evidence. Can anyone give me advice? What will hold up as evidence? How can I finally, once and for all, prove this guy is lying and make him fess up to things? I have video, audio recordings, is that enough?
Twinkle | Jan 20, 2009 | Reply
I should think the recordings you have should count for something though i know how up against it you are.I feel like screaming and my position is nowhere near as desperate as yours.I have today been offered the chance to meet this woman my dad is setting up home with.I have no problem in meeting her but he tells so many lies im worried i might drop him in it with her.She doesnt know that he\’s been telling lies about me and my family and i wouldnt put it past him to have told her that I\’M the one with psychiatric problems to cover any issues that arise if i do meet her and drop him in it.He\’ll just say \”oh,thats not true.Her mums death affected her badly and she makes up tales about me because she\’s angry that shes lost her mum!\” I cant win whatever i do.I dont want to meet this woman because i dont want to have to go along with any lies that he\’s told her.If i dont go along with the lies then i will feel dreadful if i put her straight and then ruin his relationship.SO, if i do meet her and correct anything that i find out to be untrue,i will stuff things up for him, and if i dont meet her he will say i\’m making things difficult for him as far as she is concerned.Because he is such an awul liar i have no idea at all of what is true.If he really is moving in with her thats great,but i dont see how i can have any sort of relationship with her if shes not allowed to realise just how hurt i have been by dads actions.I actually think that he is setting me up.Because i dont believe that they are moving in together and think that in fact hes being kicked out of his home because hes defaulted on the rent i feel that he is going to turn round next week and say that they have hd a massive fall out and the move is no longer taking place.i now think that he will blame the fall out on me because i asked him if she knew the whole truth about everything thats been going on.He will now turn round and say he HAD to tell her,because she was going to be meeting me, and because he told her she then walked!!!!! However, he COULD be telling me the truth about them moving in together,however unlikely i feel this is.Its just so awful.I dont know which way to turn.I firmly believe that he has set me and his sister up because hes been chucked out on his ear.His sister will take him in because she told him she would if things went wrong,and we are both playing straight into his hands.Im so cross i want to tell him to get stuffed,and take a long walk off a short pier,but i can\’t because he IS my dad and i cant be horrible to him.BUT,he;s thought nothing of being horrible both to me,and about me.God, its such a mess.I cant see straight and i feel awful inside yet ive done nothing wrong.See how cruel and unfair these people can be.No one on my side- – you are horribly caught and i can see that you are.This man is the father of your children and you are going to be tied to him in some way forever because of this.Im so fogged up i cant offer you any advice because i cant get away any more than you can,but these people are Hateful,Hateful,Hateful.Rest assured they WILL get their come uppance one day,but how much do we have to suffer before that happens????
JM | Jan 22, 2009 | Reply
Oh my gosh…..this page sounds so much like I’ve been going through for the past 6 months. I can relate to the article and so many of the posts bc I have dated a girl that lies like this. I have tried for so long to figure whats wrong and why so many times she is not straight up with me. I guess they really do this to make themselves look better. I could write an entire book on what she has done!
Twinkle | Jan 22, 2009 | Reply
Right, just to make me feel better i’m going to list some of the lies my father has told because im currently in a state of not knowing whats true and what isnt and im so wound up and angry,BUT the following are DEFINATE lies which i know for certain are such because ive investigated a lot of them and have been told they are untrue by a third party:
1) Ive bought a new tele.It cost me just over £400. (it cost him £800+)
2)Ive won the irish national lottery!!
3) I HAVE NOT sold my home
4)Ive bought a car from a dead friends wife (He bought it from a local garage)
5)I need you to loan me £2000 to pay off 2 credit card debts. (he has debts far exceeding these and had several credit cards which he chose not to tell me about
6) I’m a barrister soon to be a high court judge!!
Ive got lots off money in overseas investments!
7) i’m strapped for cash coz im paying a friends mortgage! (She had cleared her own)
8)He was telling people he was paying MY mortgage! (Guess what,we’ve paid our own!)
9)Im off to Russia for New year !! (2007)
10)Someone has paid me a cheque with an advance date on it.The bank are hanging on to it until that date arrives!!!
11) of course im seeing my psychiatrist!
The list goes on and on and on. Am i fuming? too flaming right i am.Some lies hes told are just too hurtful for me to even put on here but rest assured there are hundreds more where these came from.Is posting on here a degree of revenge? Yes it is.Helps me with my anger a bit,but not a lot.These people are evil and they know how to make YOU feel the guilty one somehow.GRRRRRRR!!!!!
Twinkle | Jan 22, 2009 | Reply
ps. i have had councelling because of all this.It hasn’t helped.The lies continue and the hurt continues.I cant get away because he is my dad, and for the 40 odd years that my mum was alive,keeping a tight reign on him,he was a brilliant father.I cant deny that and i wont but since her death i have seen a whole new side.Its NOT a result of her dying,as he likes to tell people.He hs always been a P.L. and mum made me aware of that but i had no idea of just how bad it was.
If the person you know is just a “Friend” then walk away fast because trust me,this type of person is no friend at all.They are draining and will destroy you withou giving you a second thought.
Terry | Jan 22, 2009 | Reply
The guy I\’ve been involved w/for 2 years is all of the above. That\’s why I\’m looking all this up online, trying to find out why and get some answers. He cheats and lies, but even about the smallest, unnecessary things. (He told my sister \”I try to get her to eat more fish, it\’s healthy for her\”). We NEVER had a conversation about fish…..He tells me \”I ordered that heater a week ago\” when in fact he ordered it an HOUR ago. He lies about everything, all the time. I thought his cheating and lying would end this relationship, but it\’s actually the small stuff that I can \’t tolerate. He\’s also a psychopath (look it up, he fits all of the criteria), and a paraphilia. My friends worry for my safety, and I\’m learning the extent of his serious mental problems, but I need to understand the reasoning behind this continuous lying about everything. He lies about me to his family and friends, he betrays me in thought, word and deed. Some of the things he tells people about me are so unreal I can\’t imagine where he gets it all. He lies to cover his lies. He cheated on his wife, and cheated on the girl he cheated with!!
This was all before I met him, and I should have been more aware. However, I understand how someone like this could destroy you and make you think that you\’re the crazy one. He loves himself and feels no remorse for the hurt he inflicts, all the while telling me how much he loves me, he continues to persue me and he\’s so manipulative I find it hard to get away from him. All I can say from my experience is that they never change, just get away as fast as you can. Save yourself. He can\’t stop lying and manipulating, I just want to understand WHY and what makes people do these hurtful, inhuman things. By the way, he was a state trooper before he retired!!!
finally free | Jan 22, 2009 | Reply
I have been married to a pathological liar for 3 years. I have always been a trusting sometimes even gullable person, so i was easy prey for him. Once we got married I started catching him in lies, then he fell ill and used his illness to justify his unethical behavior with people. And until recently would mysteriously get sick whenever I was going to leave him or confront him about one of his fabrications. While we were married I watched all his friends drop out of his life one by one due to business dealings gone wrong. He even pulled a financial caper off with my brother. Which caused a huge strain on our marriage. Of course he claims none of this was his fault and EVERYONE screwed HIM over. I was lied to on a daily basis. From what time he would be home, whether he paid the rent or not, if he was still taking pills, …the list goes on and on. My point is this. I left him 2 weeks ago and I am already 100 percent less stressd out. Sure, I am sad and dissapointed over a failed marriage and I do love my husband. But, you eventually have to ask yourself “How far am I going to let this go?” People like this will ALWAYS hurt you and the people you love. Maybe people can change and one day I hope he does see the light. But as of now he maintains his innocence and he says I am the “crazy” one. He feels safe in his world of lies and has no intention of ever admitting his lies or that he needs help. Life is too short to be unhappy and live in a world where you never know what is truth or lies. Good luck to all of you.
Twinkle | Jan 22, 2009 | Reply
My dad has lost several friends too.He joined a social club when mum died,and told them all he was a lawyer.He gave some of them legal advice and even charged them for it!!
We found out what he was up to when he tried joining another social club and we discovered that he had written lawyer as his occupation on the joining form!! Perhaps he can’t spell too well and had meant to write “Liar”!
When he had to sell the Jag that he had bought (with his Irish lottery winnings!!) he told people that he had a business partner called Bob who had done the dirty on him and stolen his Jag!!!! He can never see that people are laughing at him behind his back.He is so self important and thinks he’s Mr. Wonderful.
Pull him up on any of his lies and he will swear black is white and that he never told you what it was you thought he’d told you.YOU are the one whos got it all wrong.I think its got to the point where he does actually believe the lies himself.Hes a very sad and sick man.
Ani | Jan 28, 2009 | Reply
I’m dating a pathological liar for over 3 years. I broke up with him twice before. He cheated on me, he lied many times. When I found out, he lied more and more to cover up his first lie! After the second brake up, we were separated for about 6 months but he was still calling me and promised me that it will never happen again. I believed him (how stupid I am)… now we are living together since last June and things were going fine… only a few lies here and there, nothing major! But yesterday I just caught him in another lie. He had a best friend for 9 years, female, of course and during our 3 year relationship he visited her in NY and she visited him here a few times. I was told that never anything happened between them, so I tried to live with this situation. She even came to our home for Christmas last year when I was in Europe visiting my family. She always showed up when I was away! I always had a weird feeling about this woman, and now I know why. I was reading his emails yesterday and found out that they used to be boyfriend/girlfriend. God knows what they were doing behind my back all these years… he cheated before, he can cheat again. I feel confused, don’t know what to do!It just happened yesterday and feel like I can’t trust him anymore! No matter how much I love him, but he has no respect for me!!!
Twinkle | Feb 11, 2009 | Reply
Guess what the latest lie is!!??? Father has now left the home he shared with mum- the one that they owned, but he sold and then rented back, blowing ALL the money he got for the property in a little over 16 months. Hes now telling his sister- He hasnt told ME this one yet- But hes telling her that his Landlord as was is going to get the home revalues and give father HALF of whatever he makes over and above what he initially paid father for it.YES,YES,OF COURSE he is!!!! Doesn’t every landlord do this???? Why on earth should we expect anything different????!!!!! Just how bloody stupid does this man think we all are?? I expect new girlfriend has been told the same twaddle, but guess what- if he actually trolls this one out to me he IS going to get it,full barrell. I’m absolutely steaming.
Sanctuary | Feb 11, 2009 | Reply
Dear NO ONE ON MY SIDE,
I hope you are still checking into this site and read this…
I feel for you as I have been there done that. I was married to a cop many years ago that was an abuser and pathological liar. He isolated me from my family, alienated me from his, and lied to the pastor, my church family, other cops(they stick together), counselors, other women, etc. Only by the grace of God did I get out in one piece. How? I prayed!!!! I prayed that I would be protected, that the truth would be revealed in time, and that I would retain custody of my children above all. I was my kids only hope to a healthy and happy childhood.
Lessons learned:
Do not allow his provocation or the situation you find yourself in to escalate into something that will reflect badly on you. Simply don’t engage in angry verbal exchange. If that does not work and you can do so safely, leave WITH THE KIDS to the store, church, etc. to get away from a fight or diffuse the situation.
If you do leave permanently, NEVER leave without the kids. He will likely file for temporary custody based on your abandonment and eventually win custody permanently.
Keep a written DAILY journal hidden safely. Document your daily care of the kids-that your fed them breakfast, helped them brush their teeth, washed their clothes, helped them with homework, took them to the doctor, gave them their medications/vitamins, you get the idea. Document any verbal abuse of you or the kids. Do not use this journal as a personal diary as you will be using it as evidence in divorce court.
Report physical abuse, no matter what. When calling the police ask for a domestic violence advocate to be called to the scene also(they can help you if you don’t trust the police). Go to the police station(again with a domestic violence advocate) to report any verbal threats against you or the children. Get names of the officers reported to and the report number that they will file it under. Get a copy of it in a day or two and keep in safe place. Work with the local shelter and advocates to learn how to do all this. Talk with their counselors. Be brave, pray, and keep hope. Above all learn how to remain safe while leaving the abuser or documenting the abuse.
Get a good attorney that has experience with abuse victims. Take the advocate with you to appointments if possible. Let the attorney know you are a victim of control and abuse and that the divorce needs to be written in such a way as to limit any further control and manipulation. Spell things out as to visitation, the exact time of AND forfeiture of if he shows up even 15 or 30 minutes late(your choice of time frame). Put in writing in the divorce decree that he is not to enter your place of residence at ANY time(or he will be able to as the children live there). Simply put it in writing that he cannot, and you will save yourself alot of harrassment, control, and manipulation later. Make sure you get the children to claim as tax deductions EVERY year. You will not regret this. It means you will get a tax refund!! And you will need the extra money.
Document after the divorce everything as well. Visitation he misses, child support he gets behind on…it never ends with these men and you will need to be prepared for the next “game” he plays.
Stay hopeful and keep the faith. Kids grow up and the abuser loses his hold on you. You will grow and heal because you want too! He will receive Karma, trust me (and God).
Concerned Mom | Feb 12, 2009 | Reply
My 26-year-old daughter has been seeing a guy for over 2 years now. She lives at home with her dad and me plus her 4-year-old daughter. He lives at his families’ home with his brother and sister-in-law. My daughter has had ‘red flags’ and often wondered how could so many things happen to one guy but always dismissed it. Recently she discovered a couple really big lies he’s told and she’s ready to leave him, however, with his harassing phone calls and text messages, it’s been really hard. He’s trying to explain and prove his lies, but hasn’t so far. His biggest lie is his health. Says he’s sick, heart problem, last really big lie was he was having open-heart surgery but at the last minute his doctor just did a procedure to buy him time (after a big show down at the doctor’s office and after a later confrontation). But it wasn’t the lie about the surgery, it was all the other lies that went with it. How he was scared, how he wanted to write a will before it happened, how he got the dates mixed up and where the surgery is taking place, how his doctor was going to fly him to another hospital/state to perform the surgery overnight and bring him back in the morning. I was sucked in to all of it too. He also told her that he had rented a house for them to live in and when my daughter called the leasing agent to pick up the keys while her boyfriend (PL) was sleeping, she was told by the leasing agent that he’d never heard of her boyfriend.
My concern is, how can she stay strong against this type of person. He uses his health problem (if that really exists—tough to prove with all the doctor-patient confidentialities) to gain her sympathy, and when she’s mad at him, it only gets worse. He’s told her he’s gone out and got into fights cause he was upset they were fighting and had to go to the emergency room. He’s created fake profiles of girls and posts comments by them on his ‘myspace’ to try and make her jealous, he’s lied about going to school for the last few months—after discovering his class schedule doesn’t match the school’s class schedule. It all seems to start when he is feeling insecure about their relationship, the lies get bigger and bigger. And if he’s confronted, he gets mean, verbally abusive (I’m sure more than what I know about) and lies even more to turn things around making it her fault. I’ve been trying to keep her strong by reminding her about the profile of a PL, but then he calls her and things are ‘all cleared up.’ She needs to cut him out of her life, but she ‘loves’ him. How can I help her. Any suggestions?
Twinkle | Feb 13, 2009 | Reply
She says that she loves him,well,Tell her to love herself more.People like her boyfriend will never change, even if they tell you that they have.She has to be really strong and tell him that she wants nothing more to do with him.However,if he is the father of her child,then she will not be able to do this,but she will have to draw up some strict ground rules and make sure that he observes them as they should be,and doesnt change them to suit himself.If he misses an access for any reason,then he misses it.No alternative arrangements will be made.If he’s not the father of her child then she just needs to get out and get out fast.No two ways about it.There is NO POINT in trying to help a person like this, or trying to be kind to them.They will kick you in the teeth time and time again because their only concern is for themselves.This will be one of the hardest things that she has ever ever ever done, but she has to do it.She has to cut all ties completely if she can and manage things strictly on her terms only if she cant because hes the childs father.I havent managed to tell my father where to go so i say one thing and do another myself but having contact with him of any kind is totally destroying me.I am angry all the time.Im scared of telling him where to go, even though i know absolutely that this is the right thing for me to do.If she has the strength to do is she really really HAS to.I do not believe that anyone can change a P.L. ive spent ages trying and all its done is ruin my life.I have never met a more selfish,callous,cruel,manipulative person than my father and i never want to again.you said “she needs to cut him out of her life” and you are exactly right.she does,and she doesnt need to think twice about it.How much thought has he given her? you dont lie to people you love.Remind her of that.Its also easy to say “I love you” but you show love with actions, thought,consideration and a genuine depth of feeling for the other person and not for yourself, which is all that P.L’s are capable of.My father IS mentally ill, but im certain that he still does know exactly what he is doing and for that i can not forgive.I hope she manages to break free.
Jay | Feb 17, 2009 | Reply
Wow , this hits home with me. I have been trying to get over a relationship recently where this certain female I was with, did exactly this. She lied and manipulated to get her way, hardly ever owning up to the lies, and whatever you can do, thats right, she can always do better than you. Now I am having to change my phone numbers and block her online bc she is harrassing me and threatening to come here. It’s so sad the lengths someone can go to get their way.
Twinkle | Feb 27, 2009 | Reply
dad DID move in with his lady friend,so it just goes to show that some of what he says is true!!! However, i dont believe the tale that his ex landlord is going to be forwarding him a few thousand pounds and i have since discovered that he had in fact SOLD the television that he told me he was taking with him when he moved,and in fact he had sold it several weeks before he told me that he was taking it with him!! hence, when he was telling me this tale, he in fact NO LONGER owned the tele anyway!!!!!!
Stupid or what?!! At least he no longer lives near me.Ive got a bit of space and some poor woman is having to suffer his lies, not that shes seen thru him yet.She informed me last week that she “Loves him to bits!” Give it time!!!!!
"Domo-nator" | Mar 5, 2009 | Reply
So, I have this friend who is in a really bad condition. She’s been my best freind for two years and has lied about every aspect of her life. She is a good person inside, and I know this but I dont know what truth, if any, she tells. I figured it out becuase she is defensive and contradicts herself quite a bit. From where she was to stories about her being in relationships that dont exist. She really does live in another universe! I dont know what to do. She got mad at me and my sister so she pulled people on her side and everyone is oblivious to her condition. She is a great liar.! What should I do. She needs help but I dont know who to tell. I care so much about her.
Twinkle | Mar 6, 2009 | Reply
I’m sorry,and this is a very pesonal view because it’s not fair to say that she cant be helped,but in my experience such people cant be helped,and more importantly,they dont actually WANT to be helped.In order to accept help they have to accept so many faults within themselves,and they just cant do that.I may be wrong,but ultimately,such people are incredibly selfish and self obsessed and will always oppose anyone who tries to “help” them.You can stick by your friend if you like, but you will ave to accept that things are always going to be the way that they are now.If your friend wanted help,she would have admitted that she has a problem and would have asked for help,because she values your friendship.Youre in a no win situation.It would be great if you could post on here sometime and tell me i was wrong- but i dont think i am.However, i do recognise that my experiences have left me very bitter and i shouldnot apply my feelings to other people because there must be some liars who CAN be helped.I hope your friend is one of them.Just be aware of the personal cost to yourself in trying to help someone like this.Mentally,it can be very damadging.Good luck.
S | Mar 11, 2009 | Reply
I have a first cousin who is a pathological liar. My family is small and close, so I see her often. She is getting to be on the last threads of my nerves these days. She is 31 years old and has been like this as long as I can remember. She had a very messed up childhood and a very abusive father (sexually and mentally). My aunt tried to get her help but she refused so many times. You can never believe anything she says. She tells people that she has an Assocaites Degree, 2 Bachelor’s Degrees and a Masters Degree. Now for a fact she has 1 Bachelor’s Degree and 1 Master’s Degree and I know beucase she went to the same college as me. Get this, her degree’s are in social work!!!The other so called Masters Degree, she just don’t have. She has also have almost every terminal disease you can think of. She should be dead by now if she was telling the truth. The lastest disease is some rare from of blood cancer! Yah, right! She has also apparently been the Director and SR VP or about 4 different companies. She also says that she writes all these state laws. All lies! The thing that I have issues with is that she has 2 young boys, both in elementary school and they both have issues. My cousin was/is married but her and her husband split about 10 years ago but never got divorced. I have no clue why they just don’t divorce. I personally wish the father would take the kids from her now that he is back to work and has a home. My cousin is always moving from one friends house to another, yet the house is always hers. It’s not becuase she can’t get anything in her name. She has borrowed so much money from my grandma and my grandma will never get that back. In one way I feel bad for my cousin, because I know she really needs help. But in another way, I’m just tired of her telling us all lies all the time!! She don’t keep her little (and it’s very little) apartment clean (yes she is living on her own right now) and she has 5 cats and 1 dog with 2 kids who have asthma! She is only working part-time right now and is going to be laid off from that job soon. So wanting to help her, my mom and I work with a person who has some good contacts and could maybe help her get a job with some benefits. So I tell my cousin this and she said she knows the person that me and my mom work (I doubt she knows the person we work with at all) with and she gives us this really snotty attitude that she is basically too good to have anything to do with this person or her contacts. I so want to slap her!!! I’m sick of her lying all the time and using my grandma for stuff. My Aunt and her don’t get along to well. She treats my Aunt (her own mother) like crud. I’m just ready to not have anything to do with her anymore.
Sonia | Mar 15, 2009 | Reply
Thank-you for this, without this I wouldn’t relize that i might acually be one myself.
BigRod | Mar 15, 2009 | Reply
I am writing a paper for my english class on this subject! this is interesting seeing all these different cases, but i was want it to be known, that a ‘pathological liar’ is not a diagnoses, its a description. They lie to see how they can manipulate their environment, just as a child will do starting at around age 4. but a pathological liar can go so deep as to believe what they are saying to be the truth, they become a compulsive liar. begs for the question, ‘Am I one?’ I’ve asked my self this question a lot! Becuase of you believe what you are saying to be the truth, when it is a lie. What seperates this fine line?
One more question for the road.
If I tell another individual something that I was told, when it was a lie(not knowing), does this make me a liar?
nette | Mar 16, 2009 | Reply
i have an aunt who lies about any and averything. she’ll talk about you behind your back and while she’s doin that she gotta throw a couple of lies in their too, and sometimes i just wanna woop her a** but i start to realize she’s family. when you ask her about it she just acts like she don’t know what you are talkin about or she gets all scared but when you try to go to her like an adult, cause i’m 21 and my aunt is not that much older than me ( 24-25), she say she’ll change but still do the same thing over and over, i just sometimes don’t say anything.
BigRod | Mar 17, 2009 | Reply
I’m going to paste my paper on here after I get it done! =]
Anon | Mar 24, 2009 | Reply
To my understanding, a person who lies about what they “ate for dinner” is a compulsive liar, not a pathological liar.
As you said, pathological liars lie for reason, generally to gain something.
Someone that lies about something that has no meaning to anyone, such as what they ate or whether they brushed their teeth, would be considered compulsive, not pathological.
Pathological liars have method in their madness.
Veronica | Mar 28, 2009 | Reply
I think my husband is a pathological liar. I dont know for sure but ive been reading on it. He doesnt lie about small things, only the big things. I confront him about what I think are lies and immediately goes into rage. Even so much as saying he will LEAVE ME if I dont start trusting him. Calls me names, tells me that I am not his mother and hes tired of being treated like a child. (I say confront, but i try to approach him in a cool and calm manner) I confront him again on the same lie, this time with PROOF and he changes his lie to something else and tries to justify it. What gets me, is how can he sit there and tell me hes going to leave me if I dont start trusting him and the whole time he knows he lying. What kind of mess am I in here? This makes the 4th time that we have been throuh this. When I think he is lying he blows up with so much anger, turns everything on me, I get proof and he changes his story. Then we go through this whole thing where he tells me he going to try and start telling me the truth. He is so selfish and indulges himself in everything. Hes 35 years old and he worries so much about his friends and his truck, his speakers and rims. I try to keep track of finances so we can pay our bills and he spends money on Pornography, drugs, and probably other things that I dont even know of. (I dont care if he buy pornography but I just want him to responsible about it and not spend so much on it.) He also goes through periods of being “sick”. He will spend days on the couch without getting up except to go to the bathroom and tells me its because of a headache or a stomach ache or a backache. But he is fine at work. (He says he plays it off at work). I think he just wants my sympathy or something. Its so hard to talk to him because he doesnt realize how big of a problem it is. Let me give you an example. One day he said that he was going home from work sick. about 7 hours later I go home after picking up the kids and hes not home. I call him and call him and no awnser. I check the bank account he withdrew $100. When he does come home he reeks of alchohol and said that he helped his friend “Jason” fix his car and didnt have signal on his phone and got the money to lend to his friend. Every time I ask him about getting the money back, he makes up some excuse about his friend. I told him I didnt believe him and he said that was fine. I told him I was going to check the phone records and he blew up! Calling me names, said he was tired of being with someone that didnt trust him etc, etc.) After I got the phone records and saw that it was “chris” that he called and he did have signal, and I keep asking him about the money and he just keeps lying and lying. Now he says he doesnt know why I am mad, he only changed the name. I think he believes himself!!! I just dont know what to do anymore. We have children, and its not easy for me to pick up and leave. He would never consider counseling because “theirs nothing wrong with him” or so he says. Can someone please give me advice or try to help me. I dont know how to cope with this anymore.
Alice | Apr 4, 2009 | Reply
I am amazed of the stories I read here, some of them seem to describe the man I know. I was involved with a man for 2 years. A liar on the internet, member of all porn and adult chat sites you can find, married and lying to me he was divorced, setting up profiles all over the net about him being divorced, chatting up women from around the world and telling them he loved them while forging a divorce certificate to show me when I was asking too many questions… He is of course charming, throwing up tantrums when threatened to be left, crying , even faking being sick, ill, fainting and faking epileptic seizures to get on with his lies. He’s 42, married, 2 kids and still controlled by his parents, when in their presence he is helpless… lies to wife to be with me and even when wife found out and I found out the lies he’s been telling me, he invented some more… Now he plays in virtual realities world where he can be whatever he wants to be for in real life he is just a loser. God, this was painful!
Alice | Apr 4, 2009 | Reply
I noticed Veronica’s post… You cannot stop him from lying, he’ll only get worse and lie some more and turn it all around on you so you look like you’re nuts or unfair. Sorry that you have kids, that only complicates things because many women make the choice to stay in such unhappy situations’ for the sake of kids’ but I know from experience that such an environment is not healthy for kids because they CAN sense the tension and they have all the negative behaviour in front of thei eyes so they will copy it into their future lives… Best option is to RUN as fast as you can. But that takes a lot of courage and a lot of pain will be felt in the process. YOU have the power.
I know 1 too | Apr 14, 2009 | Reply
These folks (pathological liars)have to be pisces! Do not mean to sound cruel, but they out of most astrological signs, seem to lie the most..
Survivor | Apr 15, 2009 | Reply
Concerned Mom..I am in a similar situation to your daughter and I feel I can relate to her. It is very hard to shut someone you love out of your life even when they lie, hurt, manipulate and constantly brake promises to you. I can only imagine how concerned you are for her, especially with how close you seem to be. I have been in and out of a relationship with a guy for a year and am just now realizing his pathological tendencies. I knew he had lied before, some big whoppers and some little stupid ones-all of which I will never understand. But recently I realized it is more than just lies and he has a problem. All the medical stuff you are talking about really hit home with me because that is similar to the lies he would tell me–on top of many others. After reading nearly every comment on this page I realized even more what I was dealing with and had no idea I could relate to so many people. The only words of wisdom I have for you is that your daughter will get to a point where she no longer wants to put up with him, and she WILL have the strength to shut him out of her life–especially with such a great support system. I’ve recently been able to keep my distance from my ex, however, for me it will be impossible since I am about to have his baby in a few months. I have promised myself that I won’t let him treat me the way he used too… and that my son will never feel the pain I have by being with him and I have confidence in myself that I can continue to be strong; And no matter how much I might love him, I still need to stay away from him as much as possible, or he will suck me back in, and my child could end up with the same emptiness I feel because of his problem-and I won’t let that happen! I guess I just want everyone that might be in similar situations to know that you CAN get out and be happy and that not everyone will lie to you and hurt you. Just don’t put up with anything you feel you don’t deserve. I feel very strengthened by this situation and I know I will survive, just like you all can!
twinkle | Apr 16, 2009 | Reply
Survivor- it’s great to read such a positive post,especially considering the situation you are in.You are right,not everyone will lie to us,and we can all come out of these relationships on top if we have the stength to break free.Myself, my freedom is being given to me,my dad is getting remaried and emigrating!!!! its like christmas come early!!!! I havent had to have a massive fall out with him.He’s not stupid,and i think he knows that hes hurt me.He doesn’t care-and his reaction is to leave the country so he doesnt have to make amends for anything that hes done.Know why? Because he actually doesnt want to anyway.He thinks everyone else has wronged him.HE’S the injured party and weve all kicked HIM in the teeth!!!!!! Oh,well, good riddance to bad rubbish is what i say.If he doesnt get married and emigrate then i really will be hopping mad.Of all the lies hes ever told,he better be telling the truth now,because i want rid,and the sooner the better.Good luck everyone.
stop the nonsense | Apr 22, 2009 | Reply
I have a friend who i think is completely out of his mind. He lies but more so exaggerates things. For example his ability to play basketball as a kid. I played ball with him and knew what he was capable of. But now he says back then that he was the best park player in the city and what not. He said he could dunk from the foul line when he could barely dunk the ball at all. He was good but nobody would have ever looked at him like a phenom. He says now that he is better than 90% of the NBA. He says he can beat up guys in the UFC too yet he is completely out of shape. Also he says things that are just completely nuts. Example. I was working at this store and this girl that looked like a supermodel wanted to take me in the back room and give me oral sex. I mean comon now. And when i question him on it he starts trying to belittle me and whatnot. He is also a big religion fanatic and preaches the bible. But commits various acts that would be considered a sin. Is there any explanation for this or is he just s full blown nut?????????
stop the nonsense | Apr 22, 2009 | Reply
Oh yeah another thing about this \”friend\” of mine. We like to play sports video games. I win more often than him but not by a whole lot. When he loses he blames the computer or he says he couldn\’t concentrate. Stuff like that. But when he wins he is by far the better player. And there ALWAYS is an excuse for his shortcomings. It is never his fault but always somebody elses. This man has never owned up to a mistake in his life. He has no job and lives with his parents and he is almost 30. No car no money nothing. But he will tell you he is better than everybody at everything. He belittles everybody he sees on tv or on the street. Or if we talk about somebody we knew as kids who has become successful he belittles it and says that person is a loser or a nobody. Stuff like that. It is completely ridiculus. Hopefully somebody out there will read this and maybe share a similar story or maybe give an explanation on this. To be honest i am baffled by his ugliness.
twinkle | Apr 23, 2009 | Reply
clearly he feels insecure and inferior.A lot of liars lie because they feel this way.My father is one of 9 kids. i guess you had to make up stuff to make yourself stand out,and for someone to take a bit of notice of you.Its not an excuse, but it may offer an explanation, certainly of my fathers behaviour.he told me recently that HE had started His own company! no mention at all of his partner who must have played a very big part in it.Anyway-when i spoke to dads sister recently she said he hasnt started his own company.Wouldnt be any point,as dad and ladyfriend are getting married and emigrating! YET, he told me that the business was up and running-he has 30 odd clients, that everything was going swimmingly,and that he was going to employ staff to look after things here whilst he and his partner extended the venture abroad once theyve emigrated!!! Absolute pure fantasy!!!!! Everytime he opens his mouth another lie comes out.For some reason hes not happy being an ordinary person like the rest of us.YET, i dont constantly big myself up, so he must realise that people do live happily just being boring ordinary folk! He drives me nuts and the least i have to do with him the better.Your friend obviously has little or no self esteem, tho he wouldn’t agree with that! Its actually very sad- but there is no help at all for people like this.They either have “friends” who laugh about them behind their back, or they have no-one.My father had genuine,good,honest friends who would have been there for him, till they realised what a liar he was and distanced themselves.One friend was prepared to accept his lies and try to help him.He KNEW that she knew all about his fantasies, yet he continued to tell more until she tired of him also and kicked him into touch.Dad is constantly having to search out new circles of friends who are blissfully aware of the type of character he is.Once they find out- he moves on.Lonely life.Wouldnt want it myself,and if i was like that and had a family member (ie, me) who had been prepared to put herself out, and try to help both by finding proffessional support as well as providing it myself, then i would have said thanks very much,and did everything i could in order to change- BUT he’s not interested.Pathalogical liars are actually very nasty, selfish,self centered people and if you know one-trust me, youre much better off without them.
twinkle | Apr 23, 2009 | Reply
unaware i mean. blissfully UNAWARE!
stop the nonsense | Apr 23, 2009 | Reply
Twinkle – Thank you for your response and i am sorry to hear about your father. It really is crazy when you think about it right? I just don’t understand it. My friend is a different type of liar than your father however. He really doesn’t necessarily make up stories like your pops. He is actually pretty reliable with most things. He’s just a BIG TIME exaggerator. He tells half stories on stuff and when you ask questions he drifts off into ideology and ignores facts. He’ll tell you his side of the story and than naturally when you ask the other party you get a totally different side. For some reason he thinks he can figure out a person’s entire agenda by either looking at them or talking to them very briefly. The thing that im most curious about though is whether or not he believes what he is saying?? He sounds real convincing no matter how outrageous the story is. And MOST of it is stuff when he was a kid. He was a pretty cool normal kid but now he is saying he is a legend and whatnot. And that is totally not the case as i knew him well and knew most of the people he associated with. And I can’t stand the hypocrisy on this guy. If you prove him wrong on something he just keeps going and going and digging a deeper hole. Here’s another example. Him and this other guy we know were about to smoke a marijuana cigar in the other guy’s car. They hadn’t yet lit it up but the dummy driving had it in his mouth and the cops saw it and stopped them. They search the car and whatnot and take the pot but let them go. Now my friend comes back telling me that he threatened and intimidated the cops into letting them go. He said they were terribly afraid of him. So of course this sounds bogus to me so i go ask the other guy. He says that is nuts and the cops got another call that sounded serious and had to get out of there. Now when he was telling me he intimidated the cops i said that is nuts and why in the world would they be scared of some regular looking guy who they don’t know when they deal with hardened criminals with violent histories every day?? So he gets a little aggravated and starts telling me that i don’t know about him and that he’s a gangsta and all this crap. He said the cops knew he would find them and more or less take care of them if you know what i mean if they took him in! Im not making this up!! So here is a guy preaching the bible and talking about how he will go to heaven before 99.9% of people in the world yet he is a gangsta! This is probably a case of bi-polar or dementia more so than a pathological liar right??
Twinkle | Apr 23, 2009 | Reply
I Think you’re right. Don’t know much about Bi-Polar but it sounds more like something like that than him being a pathalogical liar.However, his need to appear to be better than anyone else,does have similarities with my experience with my father.He tells everyone that he only has to ring a place,ie restaraunt or hotel where he’s been before and they instantly recognise him the minute they answer the phone.He grandly tells everyone that everyone knows him as “Mr (Christian name)!” He once told me when we pulled up at a resteraunt one christmas and parked in the disabled bay,that the owner had told him he could park there any time he liked because he was such an important and valued customer!!! As if!!!!! He’ll park in mother and toddler spaces at the local supermarket and not bat an eyelid.A friend of mine saw him do this and heard someone shout at him “Your kids be allright in the car will they,while you go and do your shopping?!!!” and he totally ignored the person,walking off with his nose in the air.! There is a condition called Narcissistic Personality Disorder and maybe this best describes your friend? i’m actually very bitter and angry,and would say that my father has several conditions,BUT none of them excuse his behaviour.He started swanking even before my mum died-and he certainly started lying on a big scale once she was placed in the care home and could no longer oversee or control him.The fact that he thinks people believe his lies astounds me.He once told someone that he was in the States to see his son-(Who lives in the uk) and when he arrived at the airport what should he see but his son boarding a flight going back where dad had just come from!!!!!! Whilst he was regailing this person with this tale he was actually stood in his own living room,in his own home,IN THE U.K !!!!!!! See what i mean? I hate him. Hes defiled everything that my mum ever stood for and thrown back in her face,even tho shes dead,everything she ever did for him.
I have no idea how you should deal with your friend.If he doesnt do confrontation just try changing the subject when he starts off on one of his fantasies.Maybe eventually he’ll get the hint that youre not interested.Good luck!!!!!!!!
stop the nonsense | Apr 23, 2009 | Reply
Twinkle i truly feel for you because this is your father. I don’t take any pleasure in saying this but i think you got it worse than me! This guy is my friend but i could certainly go on without him and not skip a beat. Im no expert on these things and that is why i came on the internet looking for answers. But i get the feeling that these people just can’t help themselves. I also get the feeling that they may not necessarily be bad or evil people. I don’t think my friend is. I hardly ever need a favor for him but if i do he does it for me. And he does other people favors also. I think these are people with a mental illness that i just cannot understand. I say that because it is literally insane for them to tell these outrageous lies and think that we will believe them. My friend knows im a pretty smart person and not easily fooled. We actually as kids used to make fun of other kids who lied. Sadly there are probably millions of people in this world that lie on a regular basis. Yet he still tells me these things that aren’t even close to being true. After the other day which is when he got really stupid im going to hang out with my friend in VERY small doses. I don’t want him going off on one of his ridiculus legend rants in front of my girlfriend or one of my family members. That would be embarrassing. As for your father. I don’t know what to say. I guess as long as he is not really hurting anybody with his lies than i guess you kinda have to deal with it right?? His lies while crazy don’t really sound too destructive. Does he react angrily if you question him?? My friend’s lies aren’t really too destructive in the big picture either but he tends to get disrespectful if you question him. That is where i draw the line.
Twinkle | Apr 24, 2009 | Reply
Hi Stop The Nonsense, and thanks for your reply.Trouble is, my dad IS hurting people with his lies.When mum died i took over some of his finances so that he could carry on paying his bills and hopefully stay in his home.Bearing in mind he was horribly in debt at this point,which he lied to me about.He asked me for £2000 to clear off his debts, and it wouldnt be a problem coz he owned his own home,so we knew wed get the money back at some point.BUT, he didnt own his own home any longer.He’d sold it totally to some back street guy,and was renting it back off of him.He told people he was a solicitor, and was charging them for legal advice! Thats hurting people in my book.The man tells you what he wants you to hear at any given time, and its generally to get him off the hook over something.My mum was as honest as the day is long and would never have behaved in the way he does.He used to swank around telling people he was a millionaire, so money was no object!! Yes, he treated people to all sorts, posh meals at fancy hotels etc. but it was all lies and deception and one fiend he actually hurt an awful lot when she found out the truth.Telling folk he was in debt because he was having to pay our mortgage hurt a lot too.He would happily have people believe that his own daughter would happily put him in to debt as long as she was ok!!!! I am so, so angry.As ive said in an earlier post, i did have councelling to help me with this, but it didnt help.I guess the thing is that actually, when i lost my mum, i lost my dad too.Hes turned out to be a totally different person from the one i thought he was all those years.Yes, i did know he was a liar- mum told me a few bits and pieces but i never realised to what extent that he lied.He once booked a top personality to open a charity event and told everyone hed managed to get the bloke to do it for free.This turned out to be lies and he asked my mum for the thousands needed to cover the cost.Guess why he did this? Coz mums father had just died, and left mum some money, so he knew that she would be able to cover the cost and save his skin.The man is hateful.no two ways about it.YET, he WAS a good father to me, i cant say he wasnt.he was always there for me and i had a happy childhood.Its just that now i realise how much of that was down to my mum having to be constantly on top of him and keep him on the straight and narrow.He loves to tell people how wonderful everyone thinks he is.Know what, theres one person here who doesnt think hes wonderful at all.When i was introduced to one of the many women he had since mum had died he said to me “Ive given up smoking you know, because (Ladyfriend) doesnt smoke!”
Know what my first thought was.? Mum didnt smoke either, yet you subjected her to it for 46 years.I could go on on and on but i wont.I have become very bitter and sometimes unfairly so, but i am hurt.My mum died of cancer.Not his fault, but shed never been a well person over the years and i now think that the amount of stress he must have subjected her to, and she kept hidden from us kids, must have contributed to her ill health.I used to think she was incredibly hard on him,She rarely let him out of her sight.Now i know why.If i could have her back for just a few minutes to tell her that i now understand, and that i’m sorry for thinking the way i sometimes did, then i would.Dad rarely speaks to me now and thats fine.I want to rant and rave at him and let all this anger out, but i can’t.I’m generally a very placid person with a “live and let live” attitude but this man has totally messed with my emotions and i get very screwed up.Some days worse than others, and today is not a good day.Hes marrying some woman- fine- havent got a problem with that, BUT, shes been told a load of lies and i cant have a relationship of any sort with her because im scared of bursting his bubble, and if they do get married then hes well and truly out of my hair thanks!!
Anyway, hope you manage to keep your friendship albeit on a new and revised level.We DO have to accept people for what they are, and its not up to us to judge i guess,but sometimes its really hard. X
Twinkle | Apr 24, 2009 | Reply
P.S. Yes, dad gets very shirty when challenged on any of his lies.In the early days,just after mum had died,and hed got himself into all sorts of financial bother-he needed my help-or said he did-and he was actually quite pleasant.But, all the time he was actively working against me.He constantly stopped the direct debit of his pension money into the a/c that i ran for him,and i was having to question a grown man about what he was doing with his OWN money! Not a pleasant situation when that man is your father. I got him along to see his doc.after a great deal of difficulty and he sat in the consulting room meekly telling the doc that he was telling people he was a lawyer when he wasn’t and that he was telling people he was a millionaire when he wasnt.The doc arranged psychiatric councelling.the very next day,after having said all this in the docs surgery dad went to see his sister and regailed her with a tale about having millions tied up in offshore investments! THE VERY NEXT DAY!!!!
He told me he WAS going ahead with the psychiatrist.I think he went ONCE.I fell over backwards to try to save the man from himself,but he wasnt interested.I want to get hold of him and shake him and ask him if he realises what hes put us all through-but he wont.I actually think he believes some of his lies himself.He is never ever ever going to change,and if i ever said anything to him about how im feeling hed just say “Sod you then.I dont need you anyway.” That hurts too.
stop the nonsense | Apr 24, 2009 | Reply
Twinkle you are right i did not read your previous posts before you replied to mine. Yeah your dad has some big time issues. I feel bad for you because you sound like a good solid person and you should not have to deal with this crap. Especially from your father. How old is he anyway?? Do you think there is any way he will ever change?? I get the feeling that these types of people just are what they are. They can’t help themselves and are just obsessed with others looking at them as superstars no matter what the reality is. It must be a chemical inbalance of the brain or something. Because a sane person knows that a smart person or even somebody with half a sane brain will not fall for outrageous lies. It really baffles me. And mental illness is so much different than physical illness. There is no way to tap into somebody’s thoughts and see what they are REALLY thinking. I think there is a good chance my friend might really believe what he says. And oh yeah you were 1000% right about narcissitic personality disorder. That is exactly what he has! He is incredibly self-absorbed and has no empathy for others. According to the studies there are 9 possible symptoms. He has AT LEAST 7 of them. It’s really sad. By the way. Are you from the UK??
Twinkle | Apr 24, 2009 | Reply
Hi, Stop the nonsense.You’re right,there must be a chemical imbalance in the brain.If i think calmly, i can see that my father is mentally ill,BUT, im certain that he is fully aware that he is lying-its just that he just doesnt care.Hes 69 years old and has spent a lifetime behaving this way.In the 2 and a bit years since mum died hes sent me completely potty so how much worse must it have been for my mum?! We had a standing joke where she used to say to me “if ever youre left with your father-emigrate!!!” we would have a laugh but i knew that there was an element of seriousness in what she said.I feel cheated now my mum has died.She was only 66 and with a different man i think she may well have lived longer.I dont think even she realised just how bad he was,otherwise she would have signed over a part of their house to hubby and i so that he couldnt sell the home and fritter away £160 grand in a little over 16 months pretending to be someone he wasn’t.I am NOT bothered about any inheritance.Im not one of those people who think their parents should leave a hefty sum for their offspring.What i was bothered about was dad being able to stay in his own home.Mum sacrificed a lot and went without, so that they could pay their mortgage and the house was totally theirs when she died.When we discovered that hed got into debt (far exceeding the £2000 hed wanted to borrow from us) we contacted a professional body to try to consolidate his debts and draw up a payment plan for him.When this company asked dad to account for his finances and his debts he trolled out such a lot of rubbish, one thing being “of course, i had to pay for my wifes funeral!!” boy was i cross.Mum had left dad financially secure and her funeral had been paid for long before he frittered away all the money.The money went on foreign slips of girls whom he wined and dined in order to have a dolly bird on his arm.He w
as being taken for a ride but wouldnt see it.All he could see was “im so wonderful.This 29 year old girl is besotted with me!!” He threw lavish parties hiring all sorts of marquees and chandeliers etc to deck out his poxy back garden.He hired staff to wait on his guests and they all thought they had met a top london Lawyer, soon to be high court judge, coz thats what he told them! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! im still hopping mad , not at what hes done to himself, but at what hes done to the rest of us and at how he has so totally tarnished mums memory and totally belittled ever thing she stood for.He has two grandchildren here who now cant stand him and want nothing to do with him, because theyve seen just how upset ive been.Luckily, hes totally unaware of their feelings for him because from the day mum died hes never bothered to spend any time with them or even ask how they are. Its been one constant “ME ME ME ME ME ME” and thats the only thing hes ever interested in talking about.What he’s doing, and to be frank its bloody pointless because its all a load of lies anyway!!!!!!! Yes, i am from the U.K. Thanks for taking the time to read my posts and reply to them.Its been really good of you, and being able to vent off a bit has helped me. I really hope that you manage to deal with your situation because you sound like a caring person yourself and if youve taken the time to try to understand your friend thats more than an awful lot of other people will do and i hope he values your friendship in the way that he should. X
Twinkle | Apr 27, 2009 | Reply
Spoke to dad two days ago.He wanted to know why we havent visited him and his fiancee in their new home.Two reasons-1)theyre only renting it for another 2 months and 2) as i said to him “Coz theres only really me,that wants to come-and thats debatable!” All he could think of to say was “oh!” Twice. then he twittered on about other stuff.He’ll have gone and told his fiancee what a difficult cow i am.he’ll have said “you heard me ask her,but she wont come.And after all ive done for her too!!”
What would that be exactly i wonder? Oh yes,lets see,lied about me, lied to me, Right. no problem there then.Of course im being a difficult cow.I can see that now!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
JHH | Apr 28, 2009 | Reply
Hi!
I met this lady a few years ago through my website on a favorite actor.
Suddenly, she’s his best friend.
I’ve heard:
“He sat with me in a coffee shop until 3am.”
“He’s staying at my place and he’s driving me nuts, I had to integrate him into the community.”
“I flew to Los Angeles for my company and my hotel is right by the theater where he’s performing so he stays with me rather than drive all the way home.” (which is like 10 minutes from the theater)
“I took him to meet one of my best ‘actor’ friends who he idolized growing up.”
“His family invited me to spend a weekend with them, showed me his baby book, they have pictures of his circumcision.” etc.
One minute he’s a slob and the next he’s a neat freak.
Her story changes ALL the time … when confronted, she goes ballistic and tries to make me look like the wrong-doer …. Even told me she’s no longer in school and doesn’t have to take tests anymore.
I asked her one time how she could take so much time off work to follow this actor around the country. Oh, this one was a doozie!
She was offered early retirement, something about they put her age up to 55 so she’d qualify, etc. etc. (she’s 63 BTW) …. With this company she claims to be an industrial spy ….
Name drops … OMG … she makes friends with EVERY actor/actress she supposedly meets …. AND with their spouse/family.
She claims to recently have gotten a part in a Broadway play but had to turn it down; then she got a job as an usher in the actor’s most recent stage appearance.
It’s never-ending …. but I’m afraid to turn my back on this person …. Ya know that old addage “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer?”
Trish | Apr 28, 2009 | Reply
I have this friend who has a child with this guy she recently married. On their first date, he lied to her and told her that the car he was driving was his when it wasn’t. She caught him on that one. The second date she was to meet him at a bar and meet her mom at the same bar. The guy and her mom had never met. When my friend arrived at the bar he was talking to her mom and she walked up to them and introduced them to each other. Just before she did that, he had her mother convinced he was a gynecologist and that the fancy motorcycle parked just outside the door was his. Of course, none of this is true either. So now, he has been fired from his job and denied unemployment. The rumors are that his boss is sleeping with employees and that he is sleeping with his students. He says this is all a bunch of lies. So he comes up with some other excuse for being fired. Now she mysteriously has ended up with a rash in her groin area and rectal area. She FINALLY went to the doctor and found out that she has herpes. She still doesn’t believe that anything is going on with him. I really don’t like this guy but I have been friends with her for about 20 years. I don’t wanna lose her friendship by telling her I think he is lying to her. What do I do?? I really don’t have any proof of anything but I just have this feeling about him. He is a really shady individual. Her mom and family can’t stand him.
Sally | May 1, 2009 | Reply
My younger sister is just like this. It’s sad really, she will be 21 in a couple months and it kills me inside when I think of the situation all this pathological lying has gotten her into.They are so convincing and so caught up in their lies that they themselves begin to believe them. Then they make YOU feel guilty for “turning your back” on them, “how could you think Im lying, why would anyone lie about that.” It’s scary really. She’s been dating this guy who is bad news and we’ve (me my mom and my dad) have been telling her get away from him, he’s too much trouble, too much drama. He’s going to prison for 2-4 years for gun and gang related crimes. For the last 8 months she’s done nothing but lie about him, who he is, how he got arrested, so he would seem better in our eyes. Then we find out the truth and confront her and she accuses US for ruining her life, when all we did was find out the truth! Well now he’s gotten her pregnant, and we found out he’s hit her around, she paid a lot of $$ to bail him out and lawyer fees, but she denies all of it, when we know it’s true. She tells all her friends about this situation, but never tells them about who this guy really is, so all her friends are happy for her and saying “congrats little mama!” when they dont even know what’s going on! Then she badmouths her family, saying we dont support her situation and we all turned our backs on her, when in reality we’ve bent over backwards to help her get on the right path, but no one hears that side of it. Now, she does see a therapist, but I know that she isnt telling the therapist the truth (or whole story) so she’s not getting the guidance she needs. It’s a sad situation, it’s hurtful and tough to deal with, especially because the other half of the time they are sweet as pie, very cool to hang out with, then the jekyll and hyde comes out and bam! you almost want nothing to do with them, but they are family, what are you gonna do?
holsky | May 16, 2009 | Reply
i lie all the time but i cant stop it and i start to belive the lies myself, i get mixed up with real things and lies. i lie about things that are not important like what i did after school and what my cousans do. i dont properly realise how many lies i tell uuntill i think about it
i hate it am i a PL?
twinkle | May 17, 2009 | Reply
Holsky- i don’t know wether or not you would be deemed a pathalogical liar, but i do know one thing-You CAN stop it.Telling lies does become a habit, but it is a habit that you are aware of and can stop it IF YOU WANT TO. maybe thats the difference between a liar,and a pathalogical liar.Most P.L’s i find, dont care at all about the impact their lies have on other people and they have no intention at all of stopping.Their only concern is to make themselves seem grander than everybody else.If you know that you are lying constantly just take a second to catch yourself before you troll out the next lie.Are you telling them to make other people think that you lead a more interesting and exciting life than you do?? Do you think people will like you more if they believe certain things about you to be true? Trust me, you are a much much nicer person without the lies.Most of us lead hum-drum and boring lives (unless we are unfortunate enough to know a P.L. and then our lives are not boring at all!! but life becomes full of upset and hassle, i’d rather be bored thanks!) If you constantly tell lies, rest assured people willbegin to realise and they WILL talk about you behind your back.All the people my father would class as friends actually talk about him in a most derogatory way, and when they finally have enough of the lies, rather than confront him,they just distance themselves.SO, he will never ever change because HE thinks everyone believes him and are withdrawing their friendship because they are jealous of his lifestyle!!!!
If you want people to respect and value you as they should do hen make an effort to check the lies now.They are not needed.You are a much better person just being yourself.Dont forget however that theres not a human being alive who doesnt lie sometimes.We all do.You just have to be aware of how much and pointless lies are just that.Pointless.They do nothing to enhance you as a person and in fact have the opposite effect.Think about how you would like others to see you and you will be able to stop,trust me.Good luck. X
brokenhearted | May 24, 2009 | Reply
I dated a man for almost a year, then he moved in with me and my three kids. He got me good i jumped in with all i had in my heart and my compassion soared when he told me he was diagnosed with bladder cancer. The stories go on and on, he had his own business, he sold his house, he was a millionaire looking to buy a house, (i almost got stuck paying for $750,000) when he supposedly got sick and was hospitalized but i wasnt allowed to know where cause i had night blindness and he didnt want me driving there. Children that didnt exist, friends that i never met, basically i only knew what he wanted me to know and because i loved this man (still do) i let so much slide. Those red flags were thrown aside as not only were there so much crap thrown at me that i actually believed but he had a wonderful side of him that i was and am deeply in love with. There were trips planned but something always came up, sick, didnt renew his passport, his kids were coming from out of town. The last one was lets redo your kitchen, we tore everything down, he went to get cupboards and some new appliances and never came back. I was devastated, cried for weeks trying to understand it all. But its not us, its them, whatever emotional or physical scars they carry is not relayed to us, they need help that they wont go get cause they know no other way then how they have been all of their lives. The sad thing is these men have a good side of them and they try, TRY to do some good but embellish absolutely everything, they lie about anything and until the day we can know what it is that troubles them, they cannot be helped. They still need to be loved and its hard to do that when we are the ones hurting yet have done no wrong. All we can do is get through today and hope tomorrow will be a little stronger.
Lisa | May 28, 2009 | Reply
To anyone who is in any kind of relationship with a pathological liar, here is some advice based on personal experience;
Keep away from them because they are not likely to change and they will most likely destroy you in some form.
I have an older sister that is a pathological liar. It took me years of going through h*ll to finally realize her problem. She has done irreparable damage to our family because of her lies, small and large. She was embezzling money from my parents business and had convinced our mother that my brother was actually the one taking the money. My mother, who had guilt because my sister was conceived out of wedlock and never had a father, believed her, never thinking to ask my brother about it, which split our family in two.
She also told my husband a horrific lie about me that was so damaging; it ultimately cost me my marriage. It took me years to even speak to her again much less forgive her.
I realize that she is an extremely insecure person; never having her father around; being raised by another man. But why choose to destroy people’s lives by lying? I believe that she is so insecure with herself that she not only wants to make her own life look better by lying but she also wants to destroy yours to make her life even more appealing. Her lies, in my opinion, are diabolical or evil.
I’m sad that I don’t have a sister, really. I keep a safe distance from her. I’ve tried in the past to incorporate her into my life again only to have her wreak havoc and hurt me even more.
I’m now at the point where I accept her limitations and know that I cannot have the sister relationship that I desire.
Twinkle | May 28, 2009 | Reply
Lisa- i was so sorry to read your post but sadly your opening statement was exactly right.Pathalogical liars do destroy you and they are NEVER going to change. You try to forgive, you try to be ther for them and they hurt you all over again.They tell you that they will change,but they have no intention of ever doing so.Im very close now to getting rid of my P.L. – my father.Hes getting married and emigrating. Its like i dont have a father any more,in just the same way as you feel you dont have a sister.Its sad, and its very hard to accept, but keeping your distance is the only way forward.i spent so much time and effort trying to help my dad, and getting him professional help,but he neither wanted it,or felt that he needed it.If he wasnt my dad i would have nothing to do with him at all, but he is so there is some loyalty there.Plus, he was a good dad to me when i was growing up.I lost my dad on the day that my mum died.His true personality,that she had fough so hard to keep under control,was let loose with a vengeance and i was not in a position to control it.i have no idea how mum managed.i do know that i feel that her having to cope with him contributed to her ill health and ultimately her untimely death tho- something that im finding it hard to deal with.You are right in your assesment.These people are terribly insecure and actually quite jealous types as well.I know that i am bitter and shouldnt make sweeping statements but i feel i understand a little of wht youve been through.Just get on with your life,because theres nothing that you can do that will help her.Take care.
Debbie | Jun 3, 2009 | Reply
This just amazes me how many people there are that are such liars, men and women. I have encountered a pathological liar and what a roller coaster that is. I am still on the ride because he was so loving, such a great lover and so believable. I never thought I could get taken by such a man, but was I wrong. I met him on-line. He happened to go the same high school as me although I did not know him at that time. We graduated 30 years ago. We started talking and found out we knew some of the same people. He was very smooth and savy. Thats how they are. He told me that he was alone since 2003 and that he was retired military. That he was divorced in 2003. He said that his ex wife lived in Mesquite and he lived in Garland. Some of his stories were not making sense to me. So I started investigating him. I found out that he indeed was still married, that they were still living together. I called it off with him immediately. I wished I would have left it there. But I did not. He contacted me a month later and told me that yes he and his wife lived in the same house, but that they were in seperate rooms and the only reason he was there is for his kids. I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. WE resumed. In the next couple of months, he told me all kinds of lies. That he will leave his wife in 2012 when he youngest graduates and he will marry me. That I was the only one he loved, yada, yada, yada. I wanted to believe him, but something kept telling me that he was lying. I mean, hello, he lied at the beginning. I tried to break it off with him many, many times. Everytime I did he would call me and tell me how much he loved me and how he was not going to let me go. So I did some research and found that he was not only with me, he had another girlfriend he was telling her the same thing. I confronted him with the information and he decided that we would end it. I told him finally. Now he just wants to be friends. I don’t and can’t even have that. Even though I know he is a liar, at this point I am so weak against him, I would fall back into it with him. I have to keep my distance from him to keep my sanity. These liars are so smooth and cunning. That know exactly what to say and they think they are so much smarter than other people. If you are with a pathological liar, the best thing for you is to get away from them. You cannot help them, because they do not think they need any help. They will drag you down eventually.
Jessica | Jun 3, 2009 | Reply
Oh, wow!! I really wanted to read this article but I just couldn’t after the first couple of paragraphs. I mean there were so many mistakes!!
“My entire life I have know people who lie, I my self have told several lies in my troubled-some youth, so needless to say I know a lot about people who tell lies. There is one person in particular that I have know for many, many years she is a Pathological liar”
Okay, myself is one word, troubled-some??? “One person in particular that I have know for many, many year? That you have known right???
Unknown | Jun 3, 2009 | Reply
My oh my, the comments on this page really hit home. I stopped dating a guy a couple of days ago because of his lies. And let me tell you he had some elaborate stories. I never understood how a 26 year old man could have so much happen to him. For the life of me it didn’t make any sense. Then I slowly began to realize that he was a compulsive liar. He would apologize then tell me more lies. I had to get out because I started to get really bad headaches and to me it wasn’t worth it.
Elaine Jones | Jun 4, 2009 | Reply
My adult daughter is a compulsive and pathological liar and yes, it has caused many problems. It started when she was young and she developed this into an art form.
The sad result is that I detest her, nothing she says can be believed as the pathological lies highlight her selfishness. She has no thought for anyone but herself to a degree which just cannot be normal. I often wonder where I went wrong…When challenged, she too flies off the handle or tries to change the subject by telling lies on someone else. She has stolen too many times, I mean she used her father’s cheque book from a savings account to write herself cheques. She wrote so many, the last cheque bounced which is how we found out – long story.
At both school and college, to gain extensions and sympathy for incomplete work, she has told teachers and lecturers that her auntie has died (my sister died when I was 2!) her grandmother died, numerous home problems and I’ve been ill of course.
She is currently on state benefits but will attend a hairdressers to have her hair done and then rely on me fiancially. When I do approach her, she will always claim her friends did her hair free of charge. Oh the list goes on even the other day (this is low) she claimed she gave her baby lunch when she really didn’t! She will stand in front of you and claim ‘I told you’ I gave it to you’ ‘you must have lost it’. For years I felt I was going mad but nothing disappears when she isn’t around!
I have suggested she seek counselling but she isn’t interested.
Her father is sick and tired of her, the other day he told he really didn’t like her and oh do I relate.
Lol she has just come in with another haircut and yesterday, myself and her father sat down and worked out her income and expenditure. She has only £4 spare per week and she has a flat that needs furnishing but guess what? Her friend did it!
Lisa | Jun 5, 2009 | Reply
Hi Twinkle – Thanks for the comments.
I can’t imagine having a parent like that. How sad for you and really, how sad for him as well because he is living a life that is stunted as is my sister; like a warped tree that continues to age yet never quite straightens…
I have learned a few things through all of this so here’s a thought; there are many surrogates in the world that will love you and embrace you as there own. I have several very good girlfriends that I consider sisters and although it doesn’t replace the family dynamic it does fill a need…
Take care…
AJ | Jun 8, 2009 | Reply
I’ve known this couple for awhile and always suspected that there was something “not quite right with those two”.They have always seem to thrive on drama and I knew all about it.Then it turned into “He said She said crap”.Then eventually,nothing but one lie covered up with another as in going to the extreme to stretch the lies all out of proportion.I have recently said that they needed mental help,which of course got back to them from someone else and not sorry that it did and even though I have recently cut their drama,lies and games from my busy schedule,I still hear that they continue to spread a lot of messed up lies to other people I know about me.I have never been any less than a good friend to them and they continue to run a three ring circus with the donkeys running the show.I am a very independent person and don’t need people like that in my life that feel like they have to demean people to let themselves look good.They are noe trying to wiggle thier way into my current relationship and I have no intention of letting them ruin it,seeing they are both miserable people and feel like thay have to make everyone else’s life that way.So,I have found that ignoring and avoiding these type of people,even though thay talk even more and invent more lies for others to hear it no longer bothers me.The best thing for anyone to do that is dealing with this same situation is to cut off the leech that tries to drain your life away an be happy with the person you are because these type of idiots are for one insecure about thier lives,get a high off of causing problems,and are trying to make themselves look better because they can’t see past the mirror in front of them.My best piece of advice is too anyone who wants out of this circus is to completely block all negativity that is said or has been said about you.After all,scum washes down the drain very easily!
CeeCee | Jun 25, 2009 | Reply
#5 by Gloria, Aug 25, 2008
I know 18 yr old twins who are both exactly like this. Everything from ruining the lives of others to manipulating the legal system. Nothing is real with them. No truth in them at all. The family of these young adult liars have suffered beyond belief. But you are so right, don’t trust them and don’t turn your back on them. Ever.
JB | Jun 29, 2009 | Reply
Wow, It’s amazing how this 1-year old article has attracted so much comments… it just shows that P.Liars are everywhere, like a societal plague. Judging from the comments I’ve read, it seems that victims of pathological liars are really beat-up for living with people having the “disease”… The worst part about being lied to is when you know the lie is just so ridiculous that there is no way you can believe it without looking incredibly stupid… I was a victim of one… just recently. I checked my girlfriend’s cellphone and saw from her sent items folder some intimate messages to a guy we already we agreed for her to avoid. She lied and insisted with a really straight face that her mom borrowed her cellphone and was probably the one who sent those messages! It was really horrible hearing that, knowing that it was impossible for her mom to show that kind of affection to that same guy we argued about. But I remained firm and didn’t believe it. It took her days before she could show the slightest sign of admitting that those were really her messages… i had to dig it out of her. Though she didn’t fully admit the affair, she compensated with her constant reassurance about how much she loves me… I love her and I wish I never have to live with more lies like that.
Twinkle | Jul 3, 2009 | Reply
My dad told me hed set up his own business!! and its all running really well!!! His Sister told me that he hadnt bothered to set it up no point coz hes emigrating.That makes sense.Yet, if i ask him how things are going (he doesnt know i know its not up and running) he tells me fantastic tales about how hes got 30 odd clients, hes really busy,hes got someone to take on things at this end for him,and hes already got plans in place for transferring the business abroad with him!!!!!!!!! Does the man not realise that i speak to his sister?? He just doesnt care.It makes me really really REALLY mad!!!!!!!
Brahms | Jul 4, 2009 | Reply
We are dealing with a general contractor who is a pathological liar. He is so draining. Thinks he is wonderful everyone else isn’t. The sub-contractors he’s hired are sketchy and terrible workers so he looks great. He is now lying saying he was never the general contractor because he does not want to be liable for any of the subs. He’s CRAZY. He lies so much we want him away from us. He has been so manipulative and controlling throughout our long drawn-out project and has milked us of all of our money.
We now have another contractor who is finishing up. He is great. But our old contractor is trying to say we didn’t pay him, etc… he got an attorney and is lying to his attorney and he is demanding money from us and saying that we hired all the sub contractors, etc… He is making our lives hell.
But after reading this thread. I feel better now that we know of his condition. He is truly a pathological liar. Be careful of people like these. They will manipulate and then scam you.
Chinky | Jul 15, 2009 | Reply
I really do need you help guys… I have been dating this guy for about 8 months but prior to that were friend for a year. 2 months into the relationship i realized that he has a story to tell a little too often. Some are believable and people can vouch for him and say that it happened and others are just absurd. A very big lie that he told me was when a couple of his friend told me that the told them that he was in a movie.. and when he told me about.. He blew it out of proportion sayin that heand that he was gonna be a millionaire sayin that was the leading voice to one of the characters .. He had checks to show from Dreamworks, Letters (which ended up that he made those documents to cover his lies) but when i asked him where the contract was he would always say they have to mail it to him … So finally like 6 months later now .. the movie has come out .. and me and his family and even some of his friend have been askin him why his name is not in the credits .. and one day last week i was sittin on the couch and i was watching tv but in reality i was staring at him on the computer with the corner of my eye.. Now FYI he is a computer genius.. he was illegally downloading the movie from the internet .. The next thing you know it i can swear he was makin the credits to the movie … I finally called him out on everything on monday .. and he totally denied it … Swearing he was in the movie .. Swearing on everything ..then he totally flips out and flips the script and gets mad at me callin him a liar and sayin that the movie was made up and along with alot of lil b.s. lies that he told me that weren’t even important enough to lie about to me.. So I have been very bitter to him and tryin my best to ignore him in the past two days … He had a long talk with his best friend and finally came out to me with the truth last night. But he still does not want to take responsibility for his actions … He says thst his parents and friends blew it way out of proportion before he knew it everyone knew .. He claims he didnt know how to tell everyone that it was a lie and that it just got so big it consumed him. Im not sure if i believe him because amped the story on to me as well. His reasoning behind that was because he saw how happy i got when we would talk about it so he didnt wanna let me down .. which could be true .. to an extent i guess.. as i began to tell him how much he has hurt me and i feel stupid and i probally look stupid to the world since he told all my friends. He then sat there and told me my flaws… My flaws are minor and atleast i can admit to them and try to correct myself.. slowly but surely.. he just finally admitted he lied about the movie but swears everything else he has ever said was true .. but i speak to his friends and sometimes he lies about the stupid things and we just end up talkin about it amoungst ourselves and have a laugh cause that just the way he is.. I honestly never thought that he would come out and tell me the truth because i felt like he believed his lies and was just gonna take this to grave wit him. He still does not understand how big this lie is .. He litterally told the whole world .. Well atleast everyone i know and he knows … He is deseperate in gettin back with me now and regaining my trust whichever way possible.. But i dont know if i can trust him after this .. Even tho he hasnt cheated on me … lying can be just as hurtful.. Admitting is the first step to recovery … Do you guys possibly believe that he can change?
lady716 | Jul 17, 2009 | Reply
Oh my God, I’m sorry to read your story I’m in a similar situation now I love this guy and he told me everything I wanted to here I have childeren I been there for this man financially and i’m currenly almost broke he promise that he will give my money back, but i no longer trust any thing that he says. Still I hope for the best with him and pray that maybe none of this is true I know this is why im in the situation im in now is because I overlook so much in the beginning.
Sonya Owens | Jul 18, 2009 | Reply
I’m glad you posted this. My Mother constantly lies about stupid things. Now I know why.
linda eastwood | Jul 28, 2009 | Reply
I have recently discovered that a friend i have had for 2 years has been lying to me. These are not little white lies but a complete fabrication of her whole history even her name is a lie. I am beginning to realise that almost every conversation we have had is based on lies and deceit. This has left me feeling very betrayed and angry with her. I do think friendship is based on trust and without this i dont think i can have her in my life or near my children. She is in reality a stranger to me.
Sally Jones | Aug 14, 2009 | Reply
It’s hard to get beyond the first line of your article, which contains such an egregious spelling error.
TMG3 | Aug 15, 2009 | Reply
The descriptions here fit “compulsive liar” as opposed to the “pathological liar”. Pathological liars are more goal orientated, i.e. lying to get what they desire with little regard of how they achieve this or others are hurt. They are manipulative unlike the “compulsive liar” who will just lie about anything and everything.
maria | Aug 17, 2009 | Reply
I tend to lie very often, i feel very deshonest and I would like to get help. but I can’t aford a Doctor. how can I get help?
emma | Aug 20, 2009 | Reply
I have a friend that i think is a p lier. She lies about everything. She stands people up all the time. She covers her self with thousands of lies. And she is very minipulative. The sad thing is i really like her as a friend. She once stood me up and told me the reason was someone in her family died!!! and i no for a fact thats not true. when ever she promess me something i no its never going to happen. she lies about where she lives, where she is, who shes dating. when i confornt her she get very mad and defensive. i really like her as a friend.. what should i do
Kate | Sep 2, 2009 | Reply
Run! Run far and run fast. You already know this isn’t going to change. Can you imagine another 20 years of this, let alone 50?
mary ellen | Sep 24, 2009 | Reply
I have been reading your comments and I can relate to many of you. I have been married to a pathological liar for 31 years. I am now finally getting divorced from him. When I first found out about his lies I thought I would stand by him for him to get help It ended up he was lying to the therapist he was going through the motions but he didn’t want help. I through all of this have lost who “I am” the lies drain you. He would make me doubt what I know what to be true so now I am having lots of trouble trusting myself in making decisions. He would like many of the stories i read above make up documentation to support his lies to further drag me into believing him. He had a woman he didn’t know fax me something from the city his dad lived in to make it look like his father did it. He went and had another guy go take a paternity test so he wouldn’t be declared the father , they made him retake it and then it came out he was. He has lied about little things and created scenarios and got me to believe it. Its a horrible feeling to now look back on my life and know that most of it was only a lie. My advice is if you know that who you are with is a pathological liar GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP ASAP!!! They will not change the only thing is hey will get better covering their lies It is a sickness and lots of time socio path accompanies someone who is pathological. They don’t care if they destroy you. They will suck any self respect from you and make you feel like you are worthless and take away the most precious thing the ability to trust your own judgement that is taking away at who you are and your well being. I am now scared to make the change but i know that I need to get out of this start over and not live with someone I cannot trust. This has ripped away from my self esteem and now i need to rediscover myself and find out why i would have stayed with someone who obviously did care or respect me and why i didn’t respect myself and say hey I don’t deserve this I can do better. Please get out they will not get better. At the beg a psychiatrist who he was seeing told me to leave him then and said he will not get better it will only get worse. I didn’t listen to him and I wish I had I found out about 15 years ago and I have been so unhappy in my life. But, now I am taking charge of my life and not taking his crap anymore. He doesn’t deserve me. He always keeps saying he is sorry and has changed but he hasn’t they will not get better So please leave before they destroy you inner being. Good luck!
TERRY | Oct 14, 2009 | Reply
WOW YOU HAVE A – LOT OF TIMES ON YOUR HA-NDSES!
Alexandra | Dec 4, 2009 | Reply
i have a friend that supposedly is in love with me, but thats just one of his lies out of the billion lies… He invents that he is the biggest drug dealer in Guatemala. Also, he supposedly is always traveling to Las Vegas, Colombia Etc… in one day. He says he can get the best model in the world if he wants to. One day he exaggerated that i had to laugh he had a white hair on his forehead and i asked him if i could take it out and from that simple question i asked he made up a big story that he can’t never take the white hair out his forehead because otherwise he dies. He makes up that he has girls that love him and he is in love with. but seriously i don’t think so all those girls are just in his imagination… What surprises me is that he is serious about it and you can’t fight against his lies because he starts hating you and tries to put you down. He says that he knows all my family and that he has had a beer with my father before… and i know thats not TRUE!! OMG i wonder if he realize all that stupid lies he says. I mean i just feel sorry for him because apparently he has low self-esteem but thats something he would never admit. one last thing he invents is that his cat is deeply in love with him. What the hell is that???? I feel sorry for the cat because he can’t talk and tell him off!
Love27 | Dec 14, 2009 | Reply
All of these descriptions sound like these people (your loves ones) have a more serious disorder than lying. My husband has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder; he is also a pathological liar. We have known each other for several years, but we just recently got married. I don’t know that I can’t trust him 100%…his stories change a lot, I have to remind him, he is manipulative etc etc. One thing he isn’t is violent. I love him so very much, and I don’t ever want to leave him. But his lies are frustrating; he lies directly to my face about stupid stuff. For example, last night I woke you around 2 am and he was in the living room with his laptop. I asked him what he was doing; he says he’s on facebook. I had a feeling he was lying so I walked over to see what he was actually doing and he’s watching PORN. Now I know what he’s been doing up late the past few nights…he’s also watched it on my laptop as well. This new discovery, on top of his lying, schizo effective disorder, and bipolar disorder has been a lot to sallow. I want to get him help…everyone has left him. I guess I am trying to play Mother Theresa…I might give him an ultimatum, either he finds another therapist, or he has to leave. Oh, I am also pregnant, about 5 weeks along.
Stung big | Dec 16, 2009 | Reply
P.L. relationships? Get out. Just get out. Don’t look back. You are no match. You’ll pay if you stay. Life is too short. If you stay you are weaker than them. That’s a sad comment but true. Been there, done that.
Puddin | Dec 21, 2009 | Reply
My husband is a PL. We’ve been married over 30 yrs and I guess I have known for a long time but was unable to admit it to myself. He’s been in counseling for over 3 yrs but I’m sure he’s lying to the counselor too. In his most recent lie he swore he was telling the truth – said he’s a “changed man” and ” why would I spend time & money to go to counseling if I was going to continue in my prior ways & lie.” So, I believed him and celebrated his truth only to find out 6 mo. later that the whole thing was a lie. He also makes up lies to my friends to try to turn them against me.
It’s so sad. I simply can’t continue to live like this so I will start making plans to exit the marriage.
dumbass | Dec 27, 2009 | Reply
to concerned mom,
It seems like we’re talking about the same guy! He too has a heart condition along with ADD. We met online about four months ago..I’ve never fell in love so fast! Countless times we made plans to meet up in Georgia, where he apparently lives. Never calls, only texts…the first incident, he ended up in the hospital for a fractured leg that was already damaged to a torn acl lol. Second time, his cousin and aunt passed away. Third time, he got shot in the same leg of his fractured, torn acl leg! I asked him the name of the hospital countless times until he finally went off on me. Dealing with a liar causes too much emotional damage. I’m trying my best to believe him, but now its getting ridiculous. I even went so far as a background check. Nothing came up, not even an address.
Shawna | Dec 29, 2009 | Reply
Question: Can being a Pathological liar lead to a person obtaining a split personality, one created through those lies?
K | Jan 7, 2010 | Reply
Deeper problems exist with a pathological liar. They are narcissistic and often sociopaths…. many of them are con artists.
I am currently living a nightmare with one of them. He gave me a false last name however by changing the spelling of his last name I found his OTIS information. He is a felon who told me he used to be in Special Forces. Unfortunately, I am trapped because I fell for his lie and wanted to help him start his business……now I have two trucks in my name along with other items. He has ran my card up to 19k that was at 2k b4 him. I have been layed off and now do not know what I am going to do.
He has become violent and hateful. I know what he is…..but don’t see a way out right now.
chloe | Jan 9, 2010 | Reply
hi valerie,
I understand u 100%, its been 5 months i been with a this guy and he lied to me and I know and the worse part is they make it look like we\’re the crazy one. I have finalyy decided enough is enough and I am breaking this relationship. good luck
chloe
sue longstreet | Jan 12, 2010 | Reply
i know of some one that lives in holland mi and he can lie like you would not beleive. hes very good at it too. he can con the rattle right off a rattle snake, hes that good so beware of him his name is frank trejo
FormerPL | Jan 12, 2010 | Reply
Hello everyone,
I recently was called a pathological liar by my sister. I was very hurt. This is my kid sister. Disappointed with this \”judgement\” I came to share this information with my husband, who turned around and said with a smile \”this is going to hurt you, so hold yourself calm. I agree with her. You are a pathological liar.\” Now my husband is a physician and my sister\’s minor at college was psychology. So, instead of getting angry and sad about it, I got online and exhausted myself reading about \”who is a pathological liar?\” To my surprise, I was shocked to find out that I have been a pathological liar for a specific period of time in my life. This was the time that I was very insecure about my future: I was not involved in a romantic relationship with anyone and there was tremendous pressure at home for me to get married. Don\’t get me wrong, there were nice men around for me to marry, but I did not want be married, it was something I was not ready for and did not want to be in it by force. The culture I come from tend to look at a girl strangely when she is past 18 and still single. I was over 24 and still single. Yet, the pressure was there constantly. So I had set a high standard: the candidate must be an MD. Surprisingly, I met an MD later, fell in love with him, and got married. The problem was I was not happy with this MD, because he was a total control freak. He never listened to me, always looked at me with a slanted eye when I was speaking, so I found myself very lonely and depressed in our marriage. Despite that, we had two children and life went on unhappily for both of us…until one day the MD was arrested for being physically abusive. Anyhow, in the process of reconciliation and in order to eliminate charges against the MD, court required us to go to therapy sessions. After attending some therapy session and the confrontation that I was a pathological liar, I came to this conclusion:
\”The control freak, physically, verbally and psychologically abusive MD who I had married was only looking for the best interest of his family. He was not controlling me because there was something wrong with the world, he was controlling me because he did not want to face an embarrassment I may cause due to lying. He was looking at me with a slanted eye whenever I spoke, or totally pretended he was listening not because he did not want to hear me, but because he had already assumed that what I speak is a lie anyways, so why bother to listen to it. He automatically assumed what I say is a lie or my expression of need or want are based on an attention seeking motivation, NOT TRUTH OR NOT REAL!\”
What this MD did not know what that this behavior of his was driving me insane. I ended up converting from a pathological liar to a impulsive spender: spending over 40,000.00 to cope with my depression and anxieties in my married life and with close family members judgments.
Today, I am proud to say that I am neither a pathological liar nor am I a impulsive spender, but those self-destructive behaviors has caused people I love, specially my control freak MD, a lot of pain. A lot of unnecessary pain. Most importantly, these behaviors has ruined my image and reputation.
A lot of people who had posted on this blog had said that there is no cure for a pathological liar. You are absolutely right and at the same time absolutely wrong. I can understand if the behavior had continued for years and years without professional intervention, there is no hope. Other than that, the PL has to be empathetic enough and smart enough to snap out of it. It takes a lot of \”looking-into-yourself\” or introspection to be able to do this. And, your love and care level has to be very genuine for those who have confronted you with such analysis. I know that I love my MD very much and I love my sister too. I know for sure that both of them feel the same toward me and they would never come up with such analysis against me, if they did not care so much.
Good Luck!
Pip | Feb 2, 2010 | Reply
Wow!.. Maybe someone here can advise me. I’m an English guy and for two years have been dating an American girl. She wants us to marry and come live with me in England. She does have horrendous mood swings and I have wondered if she is bi-polar.
I have a vacation home in FL and she lives an hour from me. Our first date she invited me to a house she said was hers. I needed an internet key, which she got the papers for and noticed it was in another name. She said it was Kyla a girl who rents a room off her and works nights. But over time she has slipped up. I can never stay at hers because she says they have this no males staying over rule. She also spoke to a friend on the phone last year in my presence and I heard her say..” Oh living over Orlando now…No, just renting…”.
I asked her about it once and she got all defensive and angry, so I dropped it and thought I was wrong. Then the other night I finally met the girl Kyla briefly who is her room mate. My girlfriend was adjusting a window and said to this girl ” Oh, I’m just fixin your window”…
Anyway, tonight I looked up the property on Orange Countys Aprraisers office and it says the owner is Kyla. So my suspicions were right.
Obviously this lie stemmed from day one when she may have thought I was a one-off date. And since then it must have been awkward for her to maintain it. She’s had to hope I dont meet her renter and say anything, and she’s also avoided me meeting her friends in all this time. I need her to come clean to make our lives easier. Should I approach her by email so as she has time to digest being rumbled, and just base it on her verbal slip-ups rather than say I’ve looked up the county property records, or do I have it out face to face with her, or do I just forget it? It does make me question what other lies she’s told me…,,She has asked me to help her with money at times…Any advice, totally appreciated.
LostLibra | Feb 2, 2010 | Reply
Maybe someone here can help me too..I have been dating a pathological liar for 2 1/2 years. I have been ready to end this relationship for nearly 6 months now. I tend to have issues breaking up with people anyways…as I am a Libra, and I spend way too much time concerned with trying to not hurt someone’s feelings, and not enough time concerned with the effect it has on my life. He lies about everything. I mean everything imaginable. If he went to his friend Ben’s house, he will say he went and saw his friend Rob. No purpose…just to lie. When his friends come over to the house, they will start talking about times when they have hung out, and NONE of the stories EVER match any of the things he has told me. I started documenting these lies..until it began to make me feel sick to my stomach. EVERYTHING is a lie. He works with me, my Dad has a window manufacturing company…and he is a delivery driver. If he delivered some windows, and there were 3 people there to help him unload (which I can confirm because I deal with our customers) then he was “the only person there, and had to do it himself.” I have read up on this condition, and have learned that most of these types of people can become very enraged when confronted with their lies. I know from personal experience that even when confronted with proof as tangible as photographs, they continue to lie, or change the story to continue to avoid the truth. I lived in TX for a year, and when I moved back to Florida, he followed a year or so later. 2 weeks ago I broke up with him, after 3 hours of emotional drama, and him telling me “I just don’t get it, etc” he got a ride to a hotel. He didn’t have enough money to get a plane ticket home, or find his own place and continue to stay here and work. I personally don’t care whether or not he stays or goes, as long as he doesn’t live with me anymore, and is out of my personal life. I asked him to come back and stay at the house while he tried to figure out his best approach to moving out. (I cannot just put him out on his *** it makes me feel uncomfortable) He works the manipulating to an art, and has somehow made me feel bad enough, that without me SAYING this, he now thinks that we are “working” on our relationship and that there is a chance that he can fix his shortcomings and we can live happily ever after. AGAIN, I am sure this has to do with his low self esteem and his inability to accept the inevitable. I am so baffled by this new persona, that I have not said anything to him yet. He HAS made changes in some of the areas that I told him caused me to not want to be with him, but in the end, I am not in love with him anymore, and I cannot tolerate all of these lies for no reason. I am looking for any advice anyone has on clearing the air and making it CLEAR that while he can take a week or two to get things together before he has to LEAVE, that we are NOT together, and that I am not going to let him suck me in by making me feel guilty…any advice would be greatly appreciated…thanks.
Seeingthetrth | Feb 25, 2010 | Reply
Is this all you have to contribute, a grammar lesson? How pathetic.
brittany | Feb 25, 2010 | Reply
get away from her. i just broke u with a girl i met like this. she said she was turning 21, going to college, had a car, $10,000 in her account, said her mom was a lawyer, said she had all these designer clothes, said she was married before and all was a lie. she was 18 goin on 19, didnt have a high school diploma, no clothes, no money and her mom didnt even work. If ur girl is older than i think it is kind of hard because they are set in their ways. btw, my ex new she was bogus and tried to break it off by saying she was moving to washington which was another lie. so i can relate to ur situation. its all lies…
CSSK | Mar 3, 2010 | Reply
What would the circumstances be for a liar with a very high problem solving/logic ability?
wouldn’t THEY be alot BETTER at lying and wouldn’t that change the criteria. Wouldn’t that exclude the need for “changing their story all the time.” or “getting caught lying multiple times”
I dont understand why ... | Mar 8, 2010 | Reply
So i have been taking to this guy for a good 6 months off and on, i really liked his persona and everything about him. he was chill, laid back – and “realistic” . He was the kind of guy i saw myself with. The way he spoke to me i felt like he always told me the truth. But there were those ‘red-flags’. When we first started talking he would only call me on private .. never was i able to have his number. Then when we were finally an official couple, it never changed. He asked me things like what can he do to make the relationship better .. and i said give me ur number. He said ‘that’s nothing’ meaning like sure, but the number was never given. When i brought it up other times he told me he couldn’t give me the number because it was his ‘work phone’ according to him his job gave him the phone so he didn’t want to use it like that even though he was always on aim or he called me from it. I found it weird, but as all people do .. i let it go. So one day he came over my house – it was his first time meeting my parents. He stood up and gave a handshake and said “hi, my name is **** “. i don’t want to put any names out on the internet. No i looked at him when he told my mom his name because he told me his name was something completely different. Later on i asked him who is **** because that’s not the name you told me. He gave me a story about how that’s his middle name, and ive heard that sometimes people do that use their middle names. Anyway soo part 2 of me letting things slide. As we all probably know, the relationship ended i broke up with him. Now here is the reason why im looking at this post right now about P. lairs, its because today has been a month since we broke up or even saw each other, and yesterday was the first time we talked in a month. We agreed to meet up, stupid of me i know … but he said he was going to take me to his house for the first time, and i wanted to know things about him i couldn’t pass this chance. Anyway, im in his house .. he leaves me downstairs by myself he says ‘ make yourself at home’ soo i was looking at this certificate for a college with the name **** on it. [ yes, the same name he told my mother] as i was looking at the certificate i noticed the college name it had on it, which was not the college he told me he went to .. the last name which was not the last name he told me he had .. and the middle name he claims he uses.
i found it fishy, soo i kept it in mind. Later on we were in his room and he was showing me his computer – now realizing a little slip up. He left his FB on and i told him ‘ i thought you didn’t have a FB you lier ‘ and he closed it quick and said i don’t that’s my friends. So after he dropped me off home, i quickly went on FB and put in that name i saw on the certificate, and guess whose picture appeared? of course his did. Its un-real .. i don’t understand why someone wants too lie so much? what is he hiding? a wife, children maybe? were young im 19 and he is 21 – so he says… i don’t understand. i need some advice about how to say something to him or should i just completely cut him off no questions asked?
Karen Hockett | Mar 10, 2010 | Reply
I have a daughter that is 40 and is such a liar that I have almost closed the door to a relationship with her. She tells stories that will make the hair stand up on your neck and has turned alot of people against me due to her lies.
She has told that she had a siter who got ran over by a train and was killed two years ago to another sister dying from cancer. Both untrue.
She has gotten churches to take up funds due to an illness she has and claims to be dying. She claims to have a brain tumor, cushions disease, stomach cancer, heart attack, etc. All lies.
She now has been placed under involuntary pychiatric help and even now I wonder if she will turn the tables on me. If I will be the bad guy again. I just can’t take her anymore.
She has told her men friends lies and I have even been threatened over it by the men. It is a scarey situation.
maureen | Mar 20, 2010 | Reply
With a pl for 11 yrs. all comments and descriptions fit mine. unreal! not alone afterall. just got out 3 weeks ago. married women he was cheating with week after i left. please get out of these relationships! Run!
Christine | Mar 22, 2010 | Reply
Hi, I’m 17 going on 18 in April, and I have a friend Who is a Pathological liar. At least I think so. She tells me ALL THE TIME “I know Davey Havok (Lead Singer Of AFI) Personally! we were in a relationship for a few months but he cheated on me with Britany Bao” I Caught her so Many times. For one.. Davey Havok is 35 my friend is my age.. 17!!! She hates the fact that I had a boyfriend, so she Made up a “Fake Guy” On a new account on msn.. I believed her at the time, she made me like this fake, when it was really her (She’s bisexual btw, and has a crush on me, At least she’s truthful about some things) Made me DUMP my boyfriend for that darn fake, and guess what? SHE WENT OUT WITH HIM A WEEK LATER. When he dumped her, and I “Dumped” that fake because I found out it was a lie, My the guy she made me dump came back to me he adored me, and came back so I was happy. Now, a few months Later, she found out I was dating him again, got really pissed at me, and Made me dump him again, because once again, there was another “guy”, On a NEWER account. Once again, I believed her. She Got me to Make the poor guy CRY!! The poor guy was so screwed up after that, that he got thrown into a mental institute, got kicked out of his house, and now he’s in Job Corp and has nowhere else to go. But thankfully, he’s ok now, we decided not to date again because if my friend found out, I was afraid she might make his life another living hell. She’s STILL Lying about her, knowing Davey Havok today, saying “I met Davey last weekend, he’s doing fine, He wanted me to tell you Hi” and I told her “Dude.. it says on Myspace that he’s Not even in the country right now, They’re in New Orleans doing a concert!” Then she brought up another lie saying “It was just before they left” She has been lying to me with the same lie for about 4 years now. I caught her Too many times to count, and she only fessed up to the lie twice. But guess what? She continued again. She claims to Chat with them on yahoo and msn when they say specifically in their interviews “We have no msn, Yahoo, AIM…etc” She’s also Bi-Polar. She cuts herself for attention and goes to see a Psychologist. But the guy doesn’t help, she has WAY Low self esteem. you know what she says about me? She said, and I quote “She’s prettier than me, I’m ugly and fat and she gets all the guys, and I get nothing”. I wonder why, She cheated on her boyfriend with my other friend, then cheated on my friend with my other friend. And what’s worse is her Bi-Polar! If I catch her in a lie, she twists it and makes up another lie until she’s caught in it and when I catch her in it with a reason she can’t make up another lie with, she gets Vicious, and starts to yell and scream and shout. Sorry I’m ranting about the past 5-6 years I’ve known her, And I know SO well that one minute she’s the happiest person on earth, The next, if you say One TINY wrong thing, she gets emotional and sits in a corner Trying to get Pity from others. But it’s starting to drive me insane, I’ve distanced myself away from her, but SHE GOT KICKED OUT OF REHAB BECAUSE SHE WOULDN’T STOP THE SELF-HARMING. She always assumes that Someone is mad at her. Like TODAY for example, she came over. She accidentally broke my mother’s Keyboard, but we have a bunch of functional ones downstairs. And she automatically thought that my mom was mad at her and called her brother to come pick her up and bring her home. I told her she wasn’t and he kept saying “She’s mad at me, I know she is” and I told her “If she was Mad, she wouldn’t have asked you ‘to get your butt upstairs and give her a big hug’ before you left”… I Have tried my hardest to help her through all these problems, I’ve helped her so many times, I encouraged her to go to rehab for her drug/alcohol/pot abuse, they helped her with all that and she’s not addicted anymore. But she still self harms! I’ve helped her out of that so many times! But a few months later, she’s back to it again. She is an Attention seeker, a Liar, has Bi-Polar, She even has the cheek to tell me I Do nothing for her and she does everything for me and that I Don’t care about her or appreciate her, Which in Fact, I do, VERY MUCH She’s like a sister to me, and I wish to HELP her… Did I mention she lied about being Pregnant with Davey Havok’s child? I went to the AFI Concert a few years ago, got their autographs, and I asked her “Why did he act like he never even met you or never knew you before.” because I wanted to catch her, and she blurted out “Because he told me he was going to pretend he didn’t know me” I right then and there knew it was a lie. Davey’s not a mean person to pretend like he didn’t know you, him and Jade are actually VERY kind, and if they knew you, they’d give you a hug. She said that Jade gave her a hug, I was beside her the whole time. He never gave her a hug. Another sign of a lie “I Wanted to tell Davey something but these people kept interrupting. Now I won’t be able to tell him.” and I asked “why?” and she said “They’re going on tour” But I Caught her again, and said “Dude you said they always have their laptops and phones with them. and you said you have their number and msn’s and stuff, how can you not be able to contact them?” She got all defensive and said “I don’t wanna talk about it anymore” She tells the truth SOMETIMES but most of all the biggest Lie is the one about AFI It’s her most FAVORITE Band She has t-shirts, cd’s, everything. I Don’t know if she’s a Pathological Liar, but it sure seems like it’s getting there! And to tell you the truth.. it’s kinda pissing me off. I Just want her to stop with the lies and tell the truth for once! She lies to get the attention, and to make herself feel better, when it’s only making people Dislike her and she doesn’t realize it, She even lied about her Father hitting her and throwing her down the stairs, Her father Adores her, She’s the only child in the family thats the least screwed up, and he doesn’t want her to end up like the rest, so he’s spending his time with her, He spends so much time in Poland with his company that he hardly spends time with her at all. And Now he’s trying to make up for it. Yet she still says he hits her. Psychologists can’t help her, Rehab can’t help her, What in THE world should I do with her? I try to help her the best I can, but in the end she keeps saying that she’s the one that helped ME and I never did anything for her. She’s putting so much stress on me. I’m only 17 and have silver hairs in my head. I really need advice on what to do with her and how to help her with her self-harming and how to cope with her lies.
Christine | Mar 22, 2010 | Reply
Hi, I’m 17 going on 18 in April, and I have a friend Who is a Pathological liar. At least I think so. She tells me ALL THE TIME “I know Davey Havok (Lead Singer Of AFI) Personally! we were in a relationship for a few months but he cheated on me with Britany Bao” I Caught her so Many times. For one.. Davey Havok is 35 my friend is my age.. 17!!! She hates the fact that I had a boyfriend, so she Made up a “Fake Guy” On a new account on msn.. I believed her at the time, she made me like this fake, when it was really her (She’s bisexual btw, and has a crush on me, At least she’s truthful about some things) Made me DUMP my boyfriend for that darn fake, and guess what? SHE WENT OUT WITH HIM A WEEK LATER. When he dumped her, and I “Dumped” that fake because I found out it was a lie, My the guy she made me dump came back to me he adored me, and came back so I was happy. Now, a few months Later, she found out I was dating him again, got really pissed at me, and Made me dump him again, because once again, there was another “guy”, On a NEWER account. Once again, I believed her. She Got me to Make the poor guy CRY!! The poor guy was so screwed up after that, that he got thrown into a mental institute, got kicked out of his house, and now he’s in Job Corp and has nowhere else to go. But thankfully, he’s ok now, we decided not to date again because if my friend found out, I was afraid she might make his life another living hell. She’s STILL Lying about her, knowing Davey Havok today, saying “I met Davey last weekend, he’s doing fine, He wanted me to tell you Hi” and I told her “Dude.. it says on Myspace that he’s Not even in the country right now, They’re in New Orleans doing a concert!” Then she brought up another lie saying “It was just before they left” She has been lying to me with the same lie for about 4 years now. I caught her Too many times to count, and she only fessed up to the lie twice. But guess what? She continued again. She claims to Chat with them on yahoo and msn when they say specifically in their interviews “We have no msn, Yahoo, AIM…etc” She’s also Bi-Polar. She cuts herself for attention and goes to see a Psychologist. But the guy doesn’t help, she has WAY Low self esteem. you know what she says about me? She said, and I quote “She’s prettier than me, I’m ugly and fat and she gets all the guys, and I get nothing”. I wonder why, She cheated on her boyfriend with my other friend, then cheated on my friend with my other friend. And what’s worse is her Bi-Polar! If I catch her in a lie, she twists it and makes up another lie until she’s caught in it and when I catch her in it with a reason she can’t make up another lie with, she gets Vicious, and starts to yell and scream and shout. Sorry I’m ranting about the past 5-6 years I’ve known her, And I know SO well that one minute she’s the happiest person on earth, The next, if you say One TINY wrong thing, she gets emotional and sits in a corner Trying to get Pity from others. But it’s starting to drive me insane, I’ve distanced myself away from her, but SHE GOT KICKED OUT OF REHAB BECAUSE SHE WOULDN’T STOP THE SELF-HARMING. She always assumes that Someone is mad at her. Like TODAY for example, she came over. She accidentally broke my mother’s Keyboard, but we have a bunch of functional ones downstairs. And she automatically thought that my mom was mad at her and called her brother to come pick her up and bring her home. I told her she wasn’t and he kept saying “She’s mad at me, I know she is” and I told her “If she was Mad, she wouldn’t have asked you ‘to get your butt upstairs and give her a big hug’ before you left”… I Have tried my hardest to help her through all these problems, I’ve helped her so many times, I encouraged her to go to rehab for her drug/alcohol/pot abuse, they helped her with all that and she’s not addicted anymore. But she still self harms! I’ve helped her out of that so many times! But a few months later, she’s back to it again. She is an Attention seeker, a Liar, has Bi-Polar, She even has the cheek to tell me I Do nothing for her and she does everything for me and that I Don’t care about her or appreciate her, Which in Fact, I do, VERY MUCH She’s like a sister to me, and I wish to HELP her… Did I mention she lied about being Pregnant with Davey Havok’s child? I went to the AFI Concert a few years ago, got their autographs, and I asked her “Why did he act like he never even met you or never knew you before.” because I wanted to catch her, and she blurted out “Because he told me he was going to pretend he didn’t know me” I right then and there knew it was a lie. She said that Jade gave her a hug, I was beside her the whole time. He never gave her a hug. Another sign of a lie “I Wanted to tell Davey something but these people kept interrupting. Now I won’t be able to tell him.” and I asked “why?” and she said “They’re going on tour” But I Caught her again, and said “Dude you said they always have their laptops and phones with them. and you said you have their number and msn’s and stuff, how can you not be able to contact them?” She got all defensive and said “I don’t wanna talk about it anymore” She tells the truth SOMETIMES but most of all the biggest Lie is the one about AFI It’s her most FAVORITE Band She has t-shirts, cd’s, everything. I Don’t know if she’s a Pathological Liar, but it sure seems like it’s getting there! And to tell you the truth.. it’s kinda pissing me off. She lies to get the attention, and to make herself feel better, when it’s only making people Dislike her and she doesn’t realize it, She even lied about her Father hitting her and throwing her down the stairs!! Psychologists can’t help her, Rehab can’t help her, What in THE world should I do with her? I try to help her the best I can, but in the end she keeps saying that she’s the one that helped ME and I never did anything for her. She’s putting so much stress on me. I’m only 17 and have silver hairs in my head. I really need advice on what to do with her and how to help her with her self-harming and how to cope with her lies.
Christine | Mar 22, 2010 | Reply
Hi, I’m 17 going on 18 in April, and I have a friend Who is a Pathological liar. At least I think so. She tells me ALL THE TIME “I know Davey Havok Personally! we were in a relationship for a few months but he cheated on me with Britany Bao” Davey Havok is Actually the Lead Singer of AFI. I Caught her so Many times. For one.. Davey Havok is 35 my friend is my age.. 17!!! She hates the fact that I had a boyfriend, so she Made up a “Fake Guy” On a new account on msn.. I believed her at the time, she made me like this fake, when it was really her, She’s bisexual btw, and has a crush on me, At least she’s truthful about some things Made me DUMP my boyfriend for that darn fake, and guess what? SHE WENT OUT WITH HIM A WEEK LATER. When he dumped her, and I “Dumped” that fake because I found out it was a lie, My the guy she made me dump came back to me he adored me, and came back so I was happy. Now, a few months Later, she found out I was dating him again, got really pissed at me, and Made me dump him again, because once again, there was another “guy”, On a NEWER account. Once again, I believed her. She Got me to Make the poor guy CRY!! The poor guy was so screwed up after that, that he got thrown into a mental institute, got kicked out of his house, and now he’s in Job Corp and has nowhere else to go. But thankfully, he’s ok now, we decided not to date again because if my friend found out, I was afraid she might make his life another living hell. She’s STILL Lying about her, knowing Davey Havok today, saying “I met Davey last weekend, he’s doing fine, He wanted me to tell you Hi” and I told her “Dude.. it says on Myspace that he’s Not even in the country right now, They’re in New Orleans doing a concert!” Then she brought up another lie saying “It was just before they left” She has been lying to me with the same lie for about 4 years now. I caught her Too many times to count, and she only fessed up to the lie twice. But guess what? She continued again. She claims to Chat with them on yahoo and msn when they say specifically in their interviews “We have no msn, Yahoo, AIM…etc” She’s also Bi-Polar. She cuts herself for attention and goes to see a Psychologist. But the guy doesn’t help, she has WAY Low self esteem. you know what she says about me? She said, and I quote “She’s prettier than me, I’m ugly and fat and she gets all the guys, and I get nothing”. I wonder why, She cheated on her boyfriend with my other friend, then cheated on my friend with my other friend. And what’s worse is her Bi-Polar! If I catch her in a lie, she twists it and makes up another lie until she’s caught in it and when I catch her in it with a reason she can’t make up another lie with, she gets Vicious, and starts to yell and scream and shout. Sorry I’m ranting about the past 5-6 years I’ve known her, And I know SO well that one minute she’s the happiest person on earth, The next, if you say One TINY wrong thing, she gets emotional and sits in a corner Trying to get Pity from others. But it’s starting to drive me insane, I’ve distanced myself away from her, but SHE GOT KICKED OUT OF REHAB BECAUSE SHE WOULDN’T STOP THE SELF-HARMING. She always assumes that Someone is mad at her. Like TODAY for example, she came over. She accidentally broke my mother’s Keyboard, but we have a bunch of functional ones downstairs. And she automatically thought that my mom was mad at her and called her brother to come pick her up and bring her home. I told her she wasn’t and he kept saying “She’s mad at me, I know she is” and I told her “If she was Mad, she wouldn’t have asked you ‘to get your butt upstairs and give her a big hug’ before you left”… I Have tried my hardest to help her through all these problems, I’ve helped her so many times, I encouraged her to go to rehab for her drug/alcohol/pot abuse, they helped her with all that and she’s not addicted anymore. But she still self harms! I’ve helped her out of that so many times! But a few months later, she’s back to it again. She is an Attention seeker, a Liar, has Bi-Polar, She even has the cheek to tell me I Do nothing for her and she does everything for me and that I Don’t care about her or appreciate her, Which in Fact, I do, VERY MUCH She’s like a sister to me, and I wish to HELP her… Did I mention she lied about being Pregnant with Davey Havok’s child? I went to the AFI Concert a few years ago, got their autographs, and I asked her “Why did he act like he never even met you or never knew you before.” because I wanted to catch her, and she blurted out “Because he told me he was going to pretend he didn’t know me” I right then and there knew it was a lie. She said that Jade gave her a hug, I was beside her the whole time. He never gave her a hug. Another sign of a lie “I Wanted to tell Davey something but these people kept interrupting. Now I won’t be able to tell him.” and I asked “why?” and she said “They’re going on tour” But I Caught her again, and said “Dude you said they always have their laptops and phones with them. and you said you have their number and msn’s and stuff, how can you not be able to contact them?” She got all defensive and said “I don’t wanna talk about it anymore” She tells the truth SOMETIMES but most of all the biggest Lie is the one about AFI It’s her most FAVORITE Band She has t-shirts, cd’s, everything. I Don’t know if she’s a Pathological Liar, but it sure seems like it’s getting there! And to tell you the truth.. it’s kinda pissing me off. She lies to get the attention, and to make herself feel better, when it’s only making people Dislike her and she doesn’t realize it, She even lied about her Father hitting her and throwing her down the stairs!! Psychologists can’t help her, Rehab can’t help her, What in THE world should I do with her? I try to help her the best I can, but in the end she keeps saying that she’s the one that helped ME and I never did anything for her. She’s putting so much stress on me. I’m only 17 and have silver hairs in my head. I really need advice on what to do with her and how to help her with her self-harming and how to cope with her lies.
Christine | Mar 22, 2010 | Reply
Oops, Sorry it sent twice. It told me there was an error. I wanted to make sure lol
mikeband | Apr 9, 2010 | Reply
One day i surf internet found some good online shopping website :
Clothes Jeans.It’s a good website. Otherwise I found other websites,such as designer sunglasses ,Ed Hardy ,Cheap shoes online , chaussures pas che, NFL Jerseys,Nike Sport Shoes Shop, Chaussures Sport, MBT Shoes,cheap cell phones,cheap cell phones .All of them are high-credit websites.you can go to look !trust me!!!!!!
NoWayMan | Apr 9, 2010 | Reply
Thanks for this article. I had a friend for more than 10 years and I finally ended the friendship because he is nothing but a big fat liar.
He lies about EVERYTHING, even things that couldn\’t possibly be true. For example, he is very, very overweight. He told me 2 mos ago that he started lifting weights and that he has already lost 80 pounds. He said people on the street don\’t recognize him now. I saw his fat ass 3 weeks ago and he was even bigger than he was last time. He told me he makes over $200,000 a year, yet he can\’t afford a car and there is an eviction notice nailed to his front door. I also caught his ass at the grocery store using a food stamp card.
He is healthy and intelligent, I don\’t know why he doesn\’t just stop lying and go out and get the things he wants in life. He told me he has been dating a woman that is a doctor, but I have known him for more than 10 years and I haven\’t seen so much as a picture of this person…I got tired of the lies and told him the friendship was over.
jimmy | Apr 9, 2010 | Reply
what if you yourself thinks you are a pathological liar? what can be done about that? the fact everyone calls you one and you know you are not but at the same time you want to make sure your not one what can be done about that?
Chris | Apr 13, 2010 | Reply
My sisters boyfriend is a pathological liar. He lies about everything. I caught him spilling wine on my sisters couch then the next day my sister finds the stain and asks if anyone spilt any wine on the couch, I stayed quiet and waited for him to fess up to it but instead he just got really defensive and started saying \”Why do you guys always have to blame me\” when no one even mentioned his name or anything. Then he got aggressive and started slamming doors in the house and giving everyone mean looks. It was really scary.
mikeband | Apr 14, 2010 | Reply
One day i surf internet found some good online shopping website :
Clothes Jeans.It’s a good website. Otherwise I found other websites,such as designer sunglasses ,Ed Hardy ,Cheap shoes online , chaussures pas che, NFL Jerseys,Sport Shoes, Remise Chaussures Sport, MBT Shoes,cheap cell phones,cheap cell phones .All of them are high-credit websites.you can go to look !trust me!!!!!!
parental control software | Apr 16, 2010 | Reply
This is a great post you have written. Having this information will prove to be very useful going forward. Thanks.
monitoring software | parental control software
Justa Mom | Apr 16, 2010 | Reply
These stories all sound very familiar. My daughter dated a pathological liar for over three years. He lied about school, his whereabouts and who knows what else. I always felt something was not right and did some investigating. They broke up for the first time after a year and got back together after he came crying back saying it was the pressure of his life. I then found more information last summer and it was downhill from there. He broke up with her in October, didn’t talk to her for a week and then kept texting her and calling until she changed her number. He also played the internet games of trying to make her jealous but she never responded. He then got into a rebound relationship that recently ended and has tried contacting her friends and still sending her emails during his relationship. He drove by our home on Christmas day and who knows how many other times. He lives on the other side of town but frequents our side of town making it known that he is here. His last email which was a few weeks ago was begging for closure so he could move on. He then sent another email saying thanks for nothing because she did not respond. This is the way he was either really nice or very mean. I think he is not only a pathological liar but also a sociopath. My daughter had such anxiety during the relationship that she had heart palpultations. This has stopped since the relationship ended ironically. She felt sorry for him because of all of the lies he told us about how bad his life was. He would build her up and tear her down. He was extremely moody. It was a tough lesson but everything is better now and she is rebuilding her life one day at time. It’s been lonely for her because he isolated her from her friends but she is now ready to date and is moving on reconnecting with her friends and making new friends. One of the best things I have read is “Don’t engage and Don’t enrage”. I feel sorry for the next person he get’s involved with because he really is crazy. My advice to anyone is GET OUT NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES. Your life will improve. You will grieve differently as you won’t know what your grieving because you won’t know what was real and what wasn’t. Just know that they are sick and you can’t help them but you only can help yourself and move on. Every day will get easier and every day will be a day you are starting your new life and not wasting it on someone you cannot help. Leave it for their family and the professionals. If your a Mom do some investigating. It took me awhile to have some hard evidence about his lying but you’ll be saving your child from a lifetime of misery.
Justa Mom | Apr 16, 2010 | Reply
Read my post below and leave him. It will not get better. Start your new life now. I hope you have left already. Be brave. Your life will get better starting the day you leave. Don’t look back and do no contact. It really works.
Cre8me | Apr 17, 2010 | Reply
Great article!
drwebb1 | Apr 25, 2010 | Reply
in my life time i have confronted many people with a pathological lying problem.they’ve all had something in common.they claim to be authorities in anything and every thing.they claaim to have high IQs’.claim to have skills/abilities that when they have actually prove their selves really no nothing,otherwise lack in knowledge they have claim otherwise.then will fabricate other lies to mask lies they have been caught up in.claim to have college degrees they don’t actuaaly possess.over all,claiming to be geniuses and fabricating a calculated # ,175,ect.as to expect people will see them in the light they wish people to see them in,but not knowing that normal people probably aren’t the fools were taken for.i’ve known so many in course of my life.i feel like a magnet them.they’re sickening.and members of our own families.to often.it’s a dominant gene and passed down in their kids.genetic defects
yep | Apr 25, 2010 | Reply
Thank you sooooo much! I totally agree with you. I know this guy who live,walk and talk lies where its nessacrary*typo to lie everyday; where the lies becomes his reality.its sick,Im only 23 and he is 36.
Can I call the “crazy mental people” to get him?
Dr. Ed Slack | Apr 29, 2010 | Reply
A nice article on a type of pathological liar, one I would term an emotionally compensatory liar. Our society has much greater population of liars currently afoot that I call Two Legged Snakes. They are compensatory too, but in a much more social fashion. Most have an innate talent for sophistry and practice the same ‘win at all cost’ mentality that other forms of pathological liars practice. The public stage many of these TLSs preform on makes them a huge danger. It is imperative that we all educate ourselves as to the most used forms of sophistry (miss-association, miss-direction, reinventing history, etc.) so we don’t get duped by these masters of snaky persuasion and end up making horrible decisions en-mass.
Redflags | May 1, 2010 | Reply
This article is a real eye-opener for me. Is my fiance a p. liar? I could right a novel on all the lies (in fact I do have quite a few journal entries) but here is a laundry list:
- When he first met me and told me all these plans about how we were going to travel through Europe. It never happened..
- Now that I am more skeptical of his various claims, he starts many sentences with ”I swear to God“ ”I swear on my mom’s life“ ”May God strike me dead“- you get the idea he is always trying to take it further. I insist that he not swear and that a simple promise will suffice, neverless, he feels compelled to.
- He proposed to me with my dream Harry Winston ring. Only when I took it to get it cleaned, the jeweler announced it was not a harry winston, but maybe Harry Winston’s cousin! Though presented with hard evidence of his lie, my fiance screams and yells, tell’s me ”You will see!! It IS Harry Winston!“ The certificate is at his brother’s house who is always ”out of town“ and he doesn’t have the correct box, because the Harry Winston box was to big to fit in his pocket, etc.- you get the drift.
- My birthday present from him was supposed to arrive by 3pm today. It was a signature only. I was so excited I waited by the front door most of the day, a fact he was well aware of and encouraged it. It never came. It never came b/c there was no order place- I called the company. He still insists its in the mail and they screwed up the order. He even called the company in front of me and yelled at them!
- I lived in a nice building and he came to live with for the first year of relationship. When it came time to renew the lease, he insisted on paying the lease, since I could no longer afford such expensive rent. He said he was to busy to sign it and asked ”could I sign it and he’ll pay me“. He says he still plans on paying me the 12,000 owed, but the upside, he just promised me another diamond tennis bracelet the other day.
- I have spent more money on ”Gifts from him for me“ because he doesn’t want to use his cc on the internet and ”can’t work computers“.
- He lies about little things like BRUSHING HIS TEETH.
I make light of all this, but truthfully I’m so emotionally drained. I’m like darling, it’s ok you don’t have to buy me all these things, just tell me the truth. The more I go to great pains to try and get him to admit the truth, the more he gets defensive and calls me terrible names, and says I don’t love him. He absolutely detests the word ”liar“ (naturally!) and is very afraid of ”exposure“ like when I speak to friends + family about things. Today, it finally struck me that he is so fervent in his lies, could it be he truly believes them? It’s hard because he’s so wonderful in other respects- he wakes up early to bring me breakfast in bed every single morning, he texts me a new poem every day, and he lives his live for other people- he’s truly selfless (which you would assume is atypical of a liar) Is there hope for treatment? How do you get a p. liar to admit they need help in the first place?
" TIRED" | May 5, 2010 | Reply
I’ve dated a pathological liar for 5yrs now. It NEVER gets better. 1st thing his ex told me was, “he is a p liar”. I thought she was just mad……..NOPE , the woman lived it 14yrs. He lies about EVERYTHING. Simple or not. They do try to put ALL THE BLAME ON YOU when questioned. He has hit me when I argued before ( told me I should have shut my mouth). Tells me to stop “playing detective”. Hard to do when caught in sooooo many lies. I love him but this has destroyed trust,love, YOU NAME IT ! They do think they are ABOVE the rest. I do believe mental issues come with this also. I left a 20yr marriage ( that was rocky for years) BUT he makes my ex look good ! No fixing this and feel trapped. I love him and even would consider marriage………..WHAT AM I THINKING ? They hurt you and don’t care. Sad thing is , I see it being passed down to his kids. I know I should run because I seen the pattern from day one. If one of my friends told me HALF of what I’ve told them…..”I” would be the 1st to ask them ” why are you still with him”? You lose trust and respect. You are bitter, resentful…….AND THIS USED TO NOT BE WHO I AM. That’s the worst thing. THEY DESTROY YOU AND DON’T CARE. Yet say they love you. NOBODY likes him out of EVERYBODY that knows him , EXCEPT, his kids ( even though they see it, but “DADDY” gets them whatever they want) and HIS “MOMMY” thinks he’s a peach to. I’m not allowed to talk to his family anymore cause I don’t sugar-coat it. So they all hate me ( oh well like I tell him) IF THEY ONLY KNEW THE HALF OF IT ! He always told me his ex was nuts….HMMMMMM , I know who made her that way. In the long run “She probably thanks me for giving her her life back”. His kids treat her the same way. Apple doesnt fall far from the tree ( and dealing w/that has been a nightmare to). I don’t want to live like this but dumb me does love him BUT he seems to not keep upsetting my world. This forum has helped so much to know I’m not the crazy one he wants me to think I am.
always worried | May 12, 2010 | Reply
I have been going through a very hard time for almost 4 years now. My husband and I adopted a 9 year old child. We had the opportunity to have her stay with us for 3 weeks the summer before we adopted her. She was, initially, with another family before coming to us. The family could not deal with her. I have already raised 4 childrenI have a grandchild and helped my sisters in the upbringing of their children. I guess what I am trying to say is I have had a lot of experience with children and I love them. The 3 weeks we spent with this child were very upseting. She destroyed her bedroom, she even went as far as tipping her mattress off of the bed because she did not get her own way. Everyone was in turmoil. After her visit was over we had to decide if we wanted to adopt. After many hours of thought I told my husband I did not think it was a good idea. I felt terrible,but at the time he was working long hours and I did not think I could handle the situation without him around. He insisted we had to adopt because we took care of her for 3 weeks during the summer and it was our duty to do so. He made me feel horrible and being that I do love kids I agreeded. She is 13 now and things are only getting worse. She lies about everything from homework,tests,brushing her teeth, showering, she even lies when getting caught in a lie. She would rather gets others in trouble then herself. She has called teachers, friends, nuns,siblings,and even myself the liars. Her lies are getting more serious each time she tells them. When approached on any situation that does not make her look the best or satisfy her, she will stare at you with very mean looks for a long time. If she is the center of attention all is great. I have taken her to counceling only to be told that I should go to learn how to deal with her behavior. it has come to the point that my marriage is falling apart. When she lies about me her father tends to believe her. When she is caught doing something wrong there is usually very little consequences for her because she will get upset. I am not trying to sound selfish or to sound as if I am trying to compete with her by I live everyday upset. she has lied about my mother who passed away before we adopted her, she has hit my granddaughter, she even mumbles things under her breath that do not sound like any language I know after being told about her behavior. She is never wrong, and there is hell to pay if you tell her she is. I really do love kids and I live everyday in turmoil on whether to stay. I really would appreciate some input. Mybe I am crazy and selfish.
fojj | May 20, 2010 | Reply
Hi everyone,
Really a great article……
BUT
Can everybody tell me how to deal with a pathological liar…?
My husband, he is a pathological liar. I am very confuse and sometime goes hyper in the reaction of his lies. Always i caught/catch his fake stories / lies but he totally disagreed/disagree to me and becomes against to me and blamed/blame on me that I am lying not him……….he emotionally disgrace to me and do pressure on me that you are wrong and you are lying and you have to accept it. He continually does his this behavior until I have to accept that I was wrong and you are right.
I have almost going to be 2 years with him… now I caught that he is some psychological problems related to lying, then i search out on net and finally I am right he is a pathological liar…
Now, what I have to do. I can’t leave him, but I don’t live with his lying attitude … what should I do??
INDIA | May 21, 2010 | Reply
Hi I have dated a pathologica liar now for 2.5 years. So glad to say it now ends. I didn’t know what was wrong with this person until I started seraching for personality disorders online. He fits the bill JUSST PERFECT !! He lies non stop; possibly has cheated; lies about EVERYthing possible. His parents are assholes and screwed up his life (gaining sympathy from me). I’m the biggest b**** he has ever dated and I hit him and physically hurt him (gaining sympathy from his friends and family). He is sooo jealous, overhwlmingly possessive and has ruined my relationship with several people throughout this time. Even when I was sick with swine flu when I was out of country and he was home; he fake cried and spent the entire night at bars and strip clubs and after I cam back to USA; when I tried to confront him; he left me on the highway without any resources to reach out for help. His friends have called me without even knowing me or meeting me for a single second and called me names because god knows what stories he is telling them. I am in medical school and i just don’t want to believe that this is some fancy “disorder”….i think this is a choice. People like these are absolutely fuckin ridiculous. They have no remorse of what they do. When I cry, he laughs at me and says I’m stupid. He is so vulgar and womanizer. Constantly plays his racial card on me to gain sympathy. Anythin I say, he will say, “I know because I’m a “N” right”???…while he knows in his head he is lying. He has hit me, called me names, has no respect for my family….since he has hit me infront of them and cursed me out. Has left me out on the road late at nights and have put my life into jeapordy LITERALLY (I got chased by a guy in south chicago for money at 2 am and just like you see in the movies; i was knocking on every glass window and door for people to let me in before I get killed) I don’t know what would happen to my parents if something happened to me. This man is a psycho !!! My plea to all those men and women out there; PLEASE STOP HELPING THESE MEN AND WOMEN WHO LIE BECAUSE YOU MAY NEVER KNOW THE ENTIRE STORY. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE BEHIND THE CLOSED DOORS THAT YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW. BEFORE YOU HELP THE NEXT LIAR, PLEASE KNOW THAT YOU MAY BE HELPING SOMEONE RUIN SOMEONE’S LIFE. YOU MAY BE HELPING THE NEXT ABUSER AND THE NEXT KILLER. SOME OF OUR LIVES ARE IN JEAPORDY BECAUSE THESE PATHOLOGICAL LIARS ARE SO GOOD AT WINNING PEOPLE’S SYMPATHY AND TRUST. I’M ONE OF THE NICEEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN INSULTED BY SO MANY PEOPLE FOR SON LONG; PEOPLE THAT I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HAVE CURSED ME OUT BECAUSE THEY BELIEVED HIM. THEY HELPED HIM RUN AWAY AFTER EVERY BEATING AND ABUSE. THEY HELPED HIM BUY FREE DRINKS AND MOVIES BECAUSE HE WOULD BE THE VICTIM OF THE DAY. HE MADE MARKS ON HIS BODY AND THREATENED ME THAT I HAVE HIT HIM. HE HAS MADE ME SO ANGRY AND THINGS I WOULD SAY HE WOULD TAPE; AND THEN HE WOULD KEEP THEM TO THREATEN ME AGAINST LAW. I WAS NEVER SMART ENOUGH TO REACH OUT TO LEGAL AUTHORITIES ON TIME. WHEN I FINALLY CALLED THE 911 ONE DAY; IT TURNED OUT THERE WAS LOT MORE THAN JUST ASKING FOR HELP. GIRLS AND GUYS; IF YOU ARE DATING ONE OF THESE PSYCHO MEN; PLEASE RUN AWAY THEY WILL RUIN YOU. THERE IS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HELPING THEM. TRUST ME, I TRIED FOR 2.5 YEARS. IT’S NOT WORTH IT. YOU MAY THINK AND HOPE THEY WILL CHANGE….THEY NEVER CHANGE. THESE PEOPLE WILL INFECT YOU WITH SOME TRAUMATIC DISORDER BUT THEY WILL NOT CHANGE. I’M A MEDICAL STUDENT…I KNOW WHAT DEPRESSION IS………I KNOW I’M DEPRESSED. AND I KNOW THIS IS NOT EVEN WORTH IT. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PRAY FOR ME………..I NEED ALL THE PRAYER THAT I CAN GET TO BE SAFE AND EXCEL IN MY LIFE WITHOUT THIS PATHOLOGICAL LIAR HOLDING ME BACK.
INDIA | May 21, 2010 | Reply
Hi I have dated a pathologica liar now for 2.5 years. So glad to say it now ends. I didn\\\\\\\’t know what was wrong with this person until I started seraching for personality disorders online. He fits the bill JUSST PERFECT !! He lies non stop; possibly has cheated; lies about EVERYthing possible. His parents are assholes and screwed up his life (gaining sympathy from me). I\\\\\\\’m the biggest b**** he has ever dated and I hit him and physically hurt him (gaining sympathy from his friends and family). He is sooo jealous, overhwlmingly possessive and has ruined my relationship with several people throughout this time. Even when I was sick with swine flu when I was out of country and he was home; he fake cried and spent the entire night at bars and strip clubs and after I cam back to USA; when I tried to confront him; he left me on the highway without any resources to reach out for help. His friends have called me without even knowing me or meeting me for a single second and called me names because god knows what stories he is telling them. I am in medical school and i just don\\\\\\\’t want to believe that this is some fancy \\\\\\\”disorder\\\\\\\”….i think this is a choice. People like these are absolutely fuckin ridiculous. They have no remorse of what they do. When I cry, he laughs at me and says I\\\\\\\’m stupid. He is so vulgar and womanizer. Constantly plays his racial card on me to gain sympathy. Anythin I say, he will say, \\\\\\\”I know because I\\\\\\\’m a \\\\\\\”N\\\\\\\” right\\\\\\\”???…while he knows in his head he is lying. He has hit me, called me names, has no respect for my family….since he has hit me infront of them and cursed me out. Has left me out on the road late at nights and have put my life into jeapordy LITERALLY (I got chased by a guy in south chicago for money at 2 am and just like you see in the movies; i was knocking on every glass window and door for people to let me in before I get killed) I don\\\\\\\’t know what would happen to my parents if something happened to me. This man is a psycho !!! My plea to all those men and women out there; PLEASE STOP HELPING THESE MEN AND WOMEN WHO LIE BECAUSE YOU MAY NEVER KNOW THE ENTIRE STORY. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE BEHIND THE CLOSED DOORS THAT YOU DON\\\\\\\’T EVEN KNOW. BEFORE YOU HELP THE NEXT LIAR, PLEASE KNOW THAT YOU MAY BE HELPING SOMEONE RUIN SOMEONE\\\\\\\’S LIFE. YOU MAY BE HELPING THE NEXT ABUSER AND THE NEXT KILLER. SOME OF OUR LIVES ARE IN JEAPORDY BECAUSE THESE PATHOLOGICAL LIARS ARE SO GOOD AT WINNING PEOPLE\\\\\\\’S SYMPATHY AND TRUST. I\\\\\\\’M ONE OF THE NICEEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN INSULTED BY SO MANY PEOPLE FOR SON LONG; PEOPLE THAT I DIDN\\\\\\\’T EVEN KNOW HAVE CURSED ME OUT BECAUSE THEY BELIEVED HIM. THEY HELPED HIM RUN AWAY AFTER EVERY BEATING AND ABUSE. THEY HELPED HIM BUY FREE DRINKS AND MOVIES BECAUSE HE WOULD BE THE VICTIM OF THE DAY. HE MADE MARKS ON HIS BODY AND THREATENED ME THAT I HAVE HIT HIM. HE HAS MADE ME SO ANGRY AND THINGS I WOULD SAY HE WOULD TAPE; AND THEN HE WOULD KEEP THEM TO THREATEN ME AGAINST LAW. I WAS NEVER SMART ENOUGH TO REACH OUT TO LEGAL AUTHORITIES ON TIME. WHEN I FINALLY CALLED THE 911 ONE DAY; IT TURNED OUT THERE WAS LOT MORE THAN JUST ASKING FOR HELP. GIRLS AND GUYS; IF YOU ARE DATING ONE OF THESE PSYCHO MEN; PLEASE RUN AWAY THEY WILL RUIN YOU. THERE IS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HELPING THEM. TRUST ME, I TRIED FOR 2.5 YEARS. IT\\\\\\\’S NOT WORTH IT. YOU MAY THINK AND HOPE THEY WILL CHANGE….THEY NEVER CHANGE. THESE PEOPLE WILL INFECT YOU WITH SOME TRAUMATIC DISORDER BUT THEY WILL NOT CHANGE. I\\\\\\\’M A MEDICAL STUDENT…I KNOW WHAT DEPRESSION IS………I KNOW I\\\\\\\’M DEPRESSED. AND I KNOW THIS IS NOT EVEN WORTH IT. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PRAY FOR ME………..I NEED ALL THE PRAYER THAT I CAN GET TO BE SAFE AND EXCEL IN MY LIFE WITHOUT THIS PATHOLOGICAL LIAR HOLDING ME BACK.
Rayven | May 28, 2010 | Reply
thank you for this “Lesson” i also had this friend who would lie all the time just to lie and it would hurt me that i couldn’t trust him. but i put up with his $h*t for a year and let me tell you i’m done with his a** i won’t allow him to lie to me or any one eles close to him.Well, while i’m here on this earth he won’t be tellin any more lies soon especially to the people that care and love him.
-Rayven Bolton
e-mail : rav_tb@yahoo.com
jhamm71 | Jun 15, 2010 | Reply
I have been the victim of a pathological liar for the past 4 years. This woman has made up story after story about me. She went as far as to tell my husband that i had an affair with her husband and mine believed her. she has done everything imaginable to make him hate me and he married her. How do you get people to see her lies. She lies to make herself look better and everyone else look bad. She acts like this sweet person then will stab you in the back as soon as you walk off. she has written letters to herself, her mom and her work and accused me of harrasing her. she has written letters to me about herself saying she was a child molester. i think she just wanted me to overreact. she has filed false police reports against me and there is no telling what else she has done. i am scared of this woman and her lies. Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do?
gemma | Jun 21, 2010 | Reply
My mother is a pathological liar. I could list all the lies; everything from “i baked the bread myself” to “your father tried to commit suicide”, but i don’t want to get bogged down with lists. I think I prefer the more mundane lies, there a lot easier to deal with emotionally. I confronted her a lot when i was younger and more egoistical- a time when i took her lies much more personally. But, true to the nature of her illness, these confrontations ended in dramatics, screaming and tears, and then were promptly forgotten…well at least by her. My main concern now is how to help her…or if thats not possibe, how to help me give up the idea of being able to help her?
ive found all your comments really interesting, great forum. Gemma
gemma | Jun 21, 2010 | Reply
“what if you yourself thinks you are a pathological liar? what can be done about that? the fact everyone calls you one and you know you are not but at the same time you want to make sure your not one what can be done about that?”
jimmy…im not a pychiatrist, but ill give you my humble opinion.
Once in a huge confrontation with my mother, i told her i thought she was a pathological liar and needed to see a pychiatrist….of course she quickly “forgot” that we had had this conversation. The fact that you are asking questions about yourself is already a really good sign. For example, my mother would never had even begun to question herself. The tricky thing is, as far as i know, most pathological liars would never accept that they themselves have a problem and im not even sure if they realise that they are actually lying (even though that is sometimes hard for me to believe).
If you dont want to go to a therapist, then the only thing that i could recommend, is try to be more aware of what you are saying, analize the things you say, and when someone says that you have lied…instead of leaping to defend yourself, try and listen to why they think its a lie.
Good luck, and i hope you find your answers. One thing to take seriously into account is that it is very hard to form meaningful relationships with pathalogical liars, therefore i think this is something that is in your best interest to get to the bottom of.
M | Aug 19, 2010 | Reply
What???!!! Where is your research for this claim???!!! This is a completely foundless, baseless and ridiculous lie!
I am a pisces and I am one of the most honest people I know.
Have I ever lied, yes but to protect someone.
Never have I lied about obtaining my college degree or other academic achievements, never have I outright lied about my family (I lied by omission,aka kept quiet, about horrible acts of theirs), never have I outright lied about a horrible relationship/marriage I was in (lied by omission), never have I lied about places I have been and insights of people I have had.
I lied by omission,again by keeping quiet, about what OTHER people have done – I always try to be completely honest.
I have too many people in my life, three for sure, that are pathological liars and malignant narcissists and I am so sick of their behavior.
I am tired of being around people that lie- none of them are pisces! My mother is one of the (at least) three and she is a taurus, my soon to be ex husband is an aries, his mother is ???
but astrology has nothing to do with it.
I strongly believe it is how people are raised and the experiences that they have had starting from birth onward that determine whether or not a person will become a pathological liar or not. Definitely NOT their astrological sign!!!