A Dangerous Drug

For some people, coffee is a harmless beverage they imbibe to wake up and/or warm up. For me, it is a dangerous substance. One cup of coffee and I am cursing the slowness of my 2.4g chip and 1g RAM computer. Two cups of coffee and I can be that thin line away from road rage. Every driver in my path has been hired to “get in my way” on the freeway. People in the supermarket or Target become obstacles in my path instead of people merely out shopping…

Of course, caffeine itself does not always have a deleterious effect. Two cups of tea and I can be quite patient – even civilized. Perhaps it is the British cultural aspects of tea drinking that influence my attitude when under a tea-induced caffeine buzz rather than coffee.

When I drink coffee instead, I become a French woman driving in Paris or an Italian woman driving in Rome. My horn morphs into an extension of my hands, and veins become a prominent feature in my neck. When I drink tea, I am compassionate toward others. An older driver is seen with admiration, not contempt. Younger drivers are seen with nostalgia, not suspicion.

My ex-husband drinks excessive amounts of coffee and has developed nervous twitches that drove me crazy (especially when I drank coffee!). When he came home from work I could always tell how much coffee he’d had by his level of agitation.

“So you had a lot of coffee today, eh?” I’d remark.

Irritated (of course) by my observation, he’d usually say, “Only four or five cups.”

Recently I had a conversation with my daughter who is a freshman in college.

“I just can’t sleep, Mom.” in that whiny child voice they reserve for Mom only.

“Oh and how much coffee are you drinking?” I asked.

“Oh only four or five cups per day…”