Drinking and Drugs: He Promised to Stay Straight

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Many clients ask this question.  I tell them that there are lots of reasons why people who have quit alcohol and/or other drugs, return to them again. 

When clients come to me for an addiction evaluation, one of the things I look for is whether or not they’ve been through treatment before and stayed straight for a period of time.  I look for this because if they’ve managed to stay straight even for only a few months, that tells me something very important.  It tells me that they sincerely wanted to be straight . . . to no longer use mood-altering substances!  How do I know this?  Because it takes an incredible amount of hard work to stay straight when one has been used to medicating their feelings.

Do you love an alcoholic or an addict?  Have they gotten off their drug of choice only to return to it again a few months later?  Does that make you a fool?  Absolutely not!  It simply means that both you and your beloved alcoholic/addict have got more than your share of work cut-out for you!  Are you up for the challenge?  I don’t know.  Standing by someone when they’re doing well is one thing.  Standing by them when they fall is quite another.  Particularly if they stumble and fall more than once.  You’re going to have to be willing to swallow your pride (as if you haven’t done that already) and get help for yourself, too!  Why?

Addiction is a family illness.  No one can love and live with an addict/alcoholic and not get sick, too.  That is simply the nature of addiction.  Loved ones of the alcoholic/addict grow ill with resentment, rage, and an entire host of other forms of emotional pain.  It’s a lot tougher for the loved one because they don’t get to numb their pain with alcohol and/or other drugs like the addict does! 

Addiction is an insidious illness that lurks deep inside just waiting for the opportunity to spring into action when the addict has quit using.  It can take very little to trigger that whole vicious cycle of cravings all over again.  If the addict is sharing a living environment with another person, that person must take care of their end of the problem as well.  It’s not about whether or not you asked for the problem and it’s not about who’s right and who’s wrong.  It’s no different than cancer in that it attacks without any justification.  Like cancer, it is that powerful.  It doesn’t need any justification.

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Yes, this really is a disease that we’re talking about here!  You can believe it when I tell you that this is a disease that is far more powerful than most twenty people put together!  You’re going to need to arm yourself with all the knowledge and information you can possibly get your hands on.  If money is a problem, let me assure you that some of the best help out there for loved ones of the alcoholic/addict is free!  Yes!  Free!  It’s called Al-anon.  Al-anon Meetings can be found at most any Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting Place (often called Alano-Clubs).  Al-anon is about folks just like yourself, sharing their strength and their hope with one another. 

Oftentimes when an individual returns to the use of alcohol and/or other drugs after a period of sobriety, it is an indication that the individual may be suffering from additional issues not related to, but which very much impact the addict’s ability to maintain continuous sobriety!  The  most common issues are depression and/or anxiety.  The addict may or may not know that this is a problem triggering their return to using!

If you suspect that this may be the case for your loved one, encourage him to have a thorough psychological assessment performed so that it can be determined by a qualified professional whether or not a mood-stabilizing medication might be in order.  Many an alcoholic and addict have been saved from relapse by treating whatever else is going on with them as well!  To neglect any possible, additional issues is to invite relapse into addiction. 

Taking care of oneself in this way is no different than the diabetic who injects his insulin so that he doesn’t die from his illness of Diabetes.  The disease of addiction claims countless lives everyday.  By the same token, there are many alcoholics and addicts who beat this disease everyday by arming themselves with all the knowledge possible and then by trusting a qualified professional to help.

One word of caution . . . make certain that the professional you turn to, fully understands addiction.  That being the case, your life can turn around with some serious help and some good old fashioned hard work!