Gambling Addiction

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We have all seen the posters listing the signs of problem gambling. How many of us have actually thought about what it means. Over the past five months I have gone over that list a thousand times wondering how we could have missed it. My mother displayed ever one of the following.

Signs and symptoms of compulsive gambling include:

• A preoccupation with gambling
• Reliving past gambling experiences
• Taking time from work or family life to gamble
• Concealing gambling
• Feeling guilt or remorse after gambling
• Borrowing money or stealing to gamble
• Failed efforts to cut back on gambling
• Lying to hide gambling

   The point I wish to get across is that these things happen gradually, over time. In this case it took about five years. People change with age and circumstance so it’s easy to miss the little things. In hindsight I can now see that her addiction took over her entire life. Pulling away from family, cutting herself off from the world, living from check to check and bet to bet. Video lottery machines were her demon of choice. Being readily available in a private setting only fueled the fire. Gambling almost destroyed her life in more ways then one.

   Five months ago a very serious illness almost took her life. Sitting at her bedside in the emergency room we were hit with one horrible surprise after another. Aortic dissection ( a tear in the lining of the aorta) and kidney cancer were first on what turned out to be an enormous list. Gambling addiction and massive debt were next. Shock and dismay settled over the family.

   After a battery of test, surgery, and a four month stay in hospital , my mother is finally ready to start putting the pieces of her life back together. She has a long road ahead, both physically and financially. The stress she endured trying to hide her addiction played a huge roll in the damage done to her heart. The effects of her gambling addiction are irreversible. She will live the rest of her life totally disabled and financially crippled.

   We all carry the burden of her addiction. I encounter shame and humiliation on a daily bases. There are very few services and even less education on the subject in my area. People don’t understand that it is a sickness. I am one of those people. I can not yet except the fact that she couldn’t stop. That the addiction was in control. Maybe someday I can forgive my mother for the unwanted change this has brought to my life. Maybe someday I can forgive myself for not seeing the signs.