I sometimes think that trying to look at ourselves, trying to find ourselves, trying to actually see our own self-worth is somewhat like standing in a hall of mirrors. Not normal mirrors, but those joke horror style mirrors, the ones that distort and warp our normal sense of perceptions so we can seem stretched and warped or stunted and twisted.
I sometimes think that trying to look at ourselves, trying to find ourselves, trying to actually see our own self-worth is somewhat like standing in a hall of mirrors. Not normal mirrors, but those joke horror style mirrors, the ones that distort and warp our normal sense of perceptions so we can seem stretched and warped or stunted and twisted. Everywhere we look there’s a different distortion, a different view point, a different misconception or contortion. We can stand still, looking in the same direction trying not to move so as to not be bewildered by the ever varying views but all we end up doing is getting bogged down in whichever image we find ourselves looking at and yet no closer to the truth.
In one mirror we have our sense of unworthiness, in another our fear of letting people down, in another our perceptions of guilt and shame or perhaps desolation and loneliness. Other mirrors can hold different distortions; a sense of our own self-importance perhaps, of being higher, taller and stronger than those around us. The distortion of power and the sway that we can hold over others or equally the sense of powerlessness, a figure blowing around in the wind of other people’s desires. At the same time this hall of mirrors is throwing yet more projections at us; images from our past or our childhood which can bog us down and trap us in the world of a lost and troubled child. Then of course there are the views of those around us which are hurled through the same warped projections; some of them good and yet others getting distorting us out of all recognition.
It can be easy to become hooked, drawn in and trapped by one of these distortions and then not to be able to find a way out of it. It can be the blinkered view of someone in a position of power believing that everything they say is right and yet not seeing the motives behind their own actions, or the helpless cry of someone who can only see their own shame, guilt and unworthiness. Both are opposite sides of the spectrum and yet both are part of the many mirrors of distortion in between, but all can be just as damaging. All have implications on both ourselves and on those around us, and none are helpful for the way in which we live our lives. Some can drive us into desperation, hopelessness and isolation, leading us deeper and deeper into a pit of what seems to be a never ending mire of self-hatred, unworthiness and condemnation. Others can lead us to take control and power away from those who are most vulnerable in the belief that we are justified, that we are in the right.