Poor Me. Poor Me. Pour Me Another Drink

The disease of alcoholism, addiction to alcohol, is cunning baffling and powerful. It is the only disease that manifests itself in the denial that we have that very disease. I can speak from experience on the disease of addiction, as I have been in recovery from addiction to alcohol for over two decades.

I remember the AA meeting in which I was to pick up my “8 year chip” – a “year chip” is a metal token or coin that denotes lengths of sobriety. There was a newcomer in the meeting who was picking up a plastic 60 day chip. He seemed uncertain and shaky. (Most newcomers get plastic chips until they reach a year sober.)

I remember looking at this young man and thinking, “There but for the grace of God go I.” I remember speaking directly to him and telling him a few minutes later as I picked up my eight year chip, that eight years was nothing but sixty days, sixty days, now that was a true accomplishment. After the meeting Mr. 60 Days came up to me and asked what I meant by that.

“It’s pretty simple really.” I said. “By the time you have a year or two under your belt, you have formed new habits and ways of doing things. But mostly by that time your mind has learned to think differently. Thinking is the biggest problem most of us alcoholics have.“

He nodded absently. I could see he didn’t get it… yet. We chatted for a few more minutes and then parted. I didn’t see that guy for a couple of months. When I saw him again he looked like he’d been hit by a truck. He looked awful. During the opening of the meeting he introduced himself as a newcomer, which meant he had less than 30 days of sobriety… again. (It happens a lot in AA.)

After the meeting he found me again. “I get it now.” He said. “I realize how bad my thinking was. I went home after that and started to feel bad for myself. I looked at my life and all I’ve lost and all I don’t have. Within a few minutes I felt lower than a snake’s belly. By the time I got up the next day I had talked myself into drinking again. I went out that afternoon and bought a bottle. I lost my job the next day. I lost my girlfriend the next week and I lost my apartment the next month. I realize now that if I don’t learn to change my thinking I will lose everything.” He paused for a few seconds, and got introspective. “And I still have too much to live for.”

I saw him shift at that moment.

Today that young man is fourteen years sober. We talked after that meeting for over two hours about what he needed to do to stay sober. He didn’t do everything perfectly – none of us ever do – but he changed his thinking and gave up his will to do it his way.

There is only one way I know to get and stay sober and that is through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. It is a simple program that is not easy. It works, but you have to give it at least as much effort as you would give to getting your next drink.