What Has Masculinity Come To?

A school teacher in Hobart, rejected by this wife, walks into the sea late at night. He wears a diver’s weight belt, the quick-release weights wired up so that he will have no chance to scramble free. In seconds he is submerged in the dark water. His body, blue and swollen, washes in on the morning tide.

The horrific story of this school teacher helps us focus our attention on effects that traditional gender stereotypes have on the male identity. What really drove the man to resort to such a horrendous solution? Were there more sinister reasons for this choice? What was his childhood like? Did he have a father figure? Was that father figure a violent man who solved everything through his fists? Are m ales restricted by out moded gender stereotypes? Do these stereotypical representations of masculinity adversely affect men’s relationships and choices?

I can personally relate to the dilemma of contemporary males. For half of my life, I have grown up without a male figure. At the age of 12 my father passed away, after a long battle with cancer. I have experienced what it is like to live without a masculine role model. From the personal loss of my father I have had no male figure in my life from then on. However, it hasn’t made me any less of a man. If anything I am less violent and can solve issues without resorting to physical abuse. Most of all I have had the room to find who I am, not act out the role of who my father was. I feel I have been released from the need to conform to traditional male role models.

The idea of choice of a male roles and male identity is further explored in a recently published book. The author of this controversial book “Manhood”, Steve Biddulph, persuades the reader into believing that masculinity is rather a social construct. “Your father is your emotional line of conduct to your masculinity.” the author forces upon us. These words hit the heart, and make you realise and question, is this really true. The use of facts and figures, quotes and strong emotive language positions us and makes us believe his representation of masculinity.

Another interesting topic that the author hits the head on is how important having a male adult figure is. How important it is to have someone to teach you how to be a man, but is this really what we need? A peer teaching a younger male, this is how you should be. Why don’t we just leave our children to grow up how they please? Maybe if they don’t have a figure that teaches them how to solve issues with violence the child might find other ways to solve issues. I know from my personal experience, my father always solved issues with violence, this never solved the issue, instead making me angry. Biddulph’s invited reading is that males have restricted and short changed by old-fashioned ideas of masculinity. He maintains that males should find their own identity with the help of an older male role model.

I am extremely resistant to this authors invited reading, on masculinity. Why should men learn to be men, this is merely copying. Basically all this author is saying is, heres a how to manual, oh and by the way practice it or you are going to have a really horrible life. This concept of masculinity leads me into my next text.

In the newspaper article “Giving our sons some sugar and spice”, by Carolyne Lee, that author seeks for answers to many issues on masculinity in our culture. Making the reader realise that masculinity isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. Do we really want our boys to grow up solving every issue by resulting to anger and violence? Carolyne points out to us that our culture deems aggression is high on the list of characteristics for males. This makes us think, do we really want this, is this necessary. Maybe if we got the world leaders to sit down and resolve the “War on Terrorism” issue, without anger, or having to let of nukes and missiles. The issue may be resolved, therefore saving peoples lives, and making peoples lives happier in the region. Not to forget the amount of money that could be spent elsewhere. The author argues, but doesn’t really understand for herself. She never really comes to a conclusion but instead gives us a lot of information so that we can make our own decisions.

Lee’s invited reading is that society believes male characteristics are learned from their peers. She reveals to us how aggression and competitiveness are on the top of the list of male characteristics in society, and how nurturance and caring behaviours are not accepted. This scornful realistic realisation, of how society believes how men should look and act.

Consequently, I masquerade to you some obtuse questions, to you the reader. Hopefully through time and research, we humans just might be able to fully decipher. Do we really know what makes a man, who he is? Is masculinity simply a social construct? Is it more than that, is it innate, are us males just born with masculine minds?

From my personal experiences I can first hand relate to how a man feels when he looses his only male figure. For some time you feel lost, not really knowing where to go, how to act. Until a man looses one of his own men, who he looks up to, he will never really understand what it feels like to grow without someone to look to. I believe that how society reacts to masculinity has an adverse affect on males. As nobody wants to be abnormal we instead grab onto what society dictates how we should be.