Forty & Beyond

The late 70’s; a time of shock rock, spiral perms, and skintight jeans. We were an army of fresh faced know-it-alls, emerging from the confines of public school and ready to take on the world. We had all the answers, and owed no one anything. Our parents, poor souls, were ancient human relics…we couldn’t fathom the idea of being as old as they were. We snickered at the few adventurous ones who tried to recapture their youth, the Tony Testeroni’s with their open shirts and gold chains, the cougars who wedged themselves into spandex and thought they were sexy doing it.

Now we’re here, we’re them. We’ve made that journey up the mountain of age and wisdom, only to learn a truth unknown to us before. We climbed it expecting that 40 was the peak, and anything after was “over the hill”.

The reality is this though: what we believed to be the summit is really only the halfway point, the rest of the mountain is shrouded by the mists of immaturity, visible only to those who have earned the right to see it.

For most of us, reaching 40 isn’t so much a crisis as it is an epiphany. It’s a time of awakening and self discovery. It’s our chance to nurture the dormant seeds of our formative years and bring them to fruition. The real crisis, if it can even be called that, is usually experienced by the people around us, in their failure to adjust to our changes.

Arlene is tiny, by anyone’s standards, but on the fire ground, she’s dwarfed by 200 lb. adrenaline junkies. It’s a running joke at the fire hall that her gear has to be purchased at Toys R Us. Laughing as she explains the pitfalls of being the smallest firefighter, she scoops up her grandson and hoists him to the back of a rig.

Yes, you read that last line right. Arlene is a grandma and a firefighter. Stereotypical domestic skills have been abandoned for soot, sweat and tears. At the age of 44, she’s one of the oldest members on the roster but has only been with the department for 3 ½ years.

“Sometimes I have a hard time believing I’m actually here,” Arlene muses. “When I was a teenager, all I wanted was kids and a house with a white picket fence. I got to have both. As the kids got older though, I wanted something more. I’d always had a fascination with emergency services, and a friend of mine encouraged me to try out for the fire department. In spite of my husband’s misgivings, I gave it a shot and put in my application. A few months later, as I was turning 41, I was accepted. My marriage collapsed 6 weeks later.”

“It was worth it though,” she continues. “Being on the department has made me stronger, more independent. I’m constantly learning that I’m far more capable than I ever give myself credit for, and that’s very empowering. That strength has spilled over into other areas of my life and opened doors I didn’t know existed. My marriage had reduced me to complacent servitude and zero growth; having it end was the best thing that could have happened for me. My dreams would still be nothing more than fantasy if I’d stayed.”

Arlene’s story isn’t uncommon. Many of us allowed our lives to be shaped by peer, parental or spousal demands and put our own ideas on the back burner. Maturity has made us more resistant to outside pressures and better able to achieve personal goals.

At her father’s insistence, Martha gave up her dream of becoming an artist and dutifully went to secretarial school. Now though, in spite of juggling a busy writing and editing career, she finds a few hours each week to spend time at her easel. While not the vocation she had originally envisioned, Martha has still managed to pursue her love of painting and feed her creativity.

It’s not unusual to find us changing careers right around the 40 year mark. We’ve done the jobs we needed to do to pay the bills, not the ones we’re excited to wake up for. The thought of working a lack luster position until we retire often spurs us to try new ventures. Employment at this stage of the game though requires some resourcefulness and ingenuity. In today’s youth oriented society, it’s difficult to gain entry in an alternative field as a “mature” employee. Should you just wish to switch companies, it can be equally hard to find viable employment in an area that you already have experience in.

Barbara Cerda has definitely felt the impact of change in the labour market. Though armed with degrees and a wealth of experience in administration and project management, she’s found it virtually impossible to find stimulating, worthwhile positions with decent remuneration.

“Employment opportunities have definitely gotten worse as I’ve aged,” laments Barbara. “It perhaps is the one thing in my life that I find most troubling.”

“I felt as though through education and hard work that I had earned the right to labor for enough wages to at least feed and clothe myself. Now it seems that all of my achievements have done little in the work place except hinder me. It has become my greatest disappointment.”

Unfortunately, employers have a pessimistic view when considering “older” employees. Instead of looking at the years of knowledge that we can bring to the table and the potential gains their company can make as a result, they have a tendency to look only at the remaining years of service left. There’s also the backwards approach of trying to save a few dollars in wages by hiring fresh graduates, rather than paying the extra for experienced employees who could save them much more with both training and operational expenses.

However, this same trend is often what prompts us out of necessity to re-examine what we are doing with our lives. By using our accumulation of talent, skills, knowledge and passion, we can turn a sow’s ear into a silk purse. Whether it’s a cook running his own restaurant or an executive assistant escaping the corporate life with a bed and breakfast, we create our own opportunities and fulfill more dreams.

Terri Gibbons echoes that sentiment. “As an entrepreneur there are so many great opportunities to choose from. The time freedom and financial rewards are so worth it. After all, there is no job security in corporate America anymore.”

Of course, that workforce negativity hasn’t been everyone’s experience. With an aging population, those in the medical/health field have got more work than they can keep up with. The trades are suffering too. As journeymen retire, there are few people to replace them. This presents an excellent chance for anyone looking at a career change or self employment.

What happens though, if you manage to achieve all of your original goals before you turn 40? A very ambitious, energetic Carolyn Burke had a rude awakening a few years ago when she realized that she’d satisfied all of her dreams. Credited with being the first person to have an online diary, plus guest shots on CityTV and 13 years in various universities fulfilled her childhood fantasies of fame and education. She quickly came up with a new, unique goal.

“I chose to live my life on a 300 year plan,” states Carolyn. “Seriously, as if I’ll live for 300 years, even if that’s not actually a realistic fact. This long term perspective is interesting. First of all, I feel very young – I’m only 20% along the journey! But also, this helps me take larger issues on as my own as well.” From environmental concerns to political aspirations, Carolyn has adopted a life that would lead her to a Nobel Peace Prize. She doesn’t actually expect to get one, but hopes instead that the pursuit of it will make her a better person with positive contributions.

Her theory makes sense. In the sport of boxing, fighters are trained to aim for a point beyond their opponents, so that their blows are at their greatest momentum. By using Carolyn’s 300 year plan and projecting far beyond an age any of us can possibly reach, we can tackle mid-life with that same maximum force.

Mid-life is an adjustment period, not a crisis. The 20 years prior have served as the foundation to make us who we are. Our trials and tribulations have given us a far better understanding and appreciation for the people and world around us, putting us in a better position to tackle our own goals. We live with very few regrets, if any, recognizing that each step has taken us closer to where we are right now. We have a sense of confidence that gives us freedom from anything that would stand in the way of achieving our dreams.

We aren’t the antiques we originally envisioned we would be by 40, but equipped with our arsenal of knowledge and experience, now we’re ready to take on the world. It’s our time to discover what we’re truly capable of. The greatest tragedy of all would be to come to the end of the line and still be wondering if “it” could have been possible.

Keep the fire extinguishers handy. We’ll need them for the 300 candles.