When looking after children becomes too much.
A short explanation of what happened today:
I had the twins (boys of 15 months) and the one boy just didn’t stop crying. I woke up to him crying and every ten to fifteen minutes he would start again. The mom left and he cried for about 15 minutes straight. Non stop. He would almost catch his breath and stop and then he would look at me and cry again. For fifteen minutes. I tried a snack,milk,singing,dancing,sitting quietly and singing, not singing, toys, raising my voice and telling him to stop but nothing. So in the end I stood there in the kitchen with this little boy throwing his head back and crying like his foot had just been cut off. I stood there for a few seconds and everything built up inside of me. Like a volcano, I exploded. I let loose.
I hit my hands several times against the marble counter top. I marched on the same spot with great force and let out a fuming rumble from my mouth. I ended off by jumping a few times and a big, last, hit of my fists against the counter. And then I sat down against the kitchen cupboard and looked at the boys. Who has the biggest eyes Ive ever seen. The looked at me for about 10 seconds and I breathed. Properly. And then the little boy started crying again.
For some reason, throwing this little tantrum helped me get through the further 4 hours of work. I don’t know whether to worry or to be okay with the fact that I threw a tantrum like a 3 year old today.