Alzheimer’s: The Effects on the Family

My mother was always an active person, she played golf three to four times a week, with my dad baby sat my kids and did a hundred of other things. Then one day she came over to my house and was very quiet. I asked her what was wrong and she replied, “Its dry rot setting in”.  These words were to haunt me for a long time.

Firstly what was dry rot? A bad head stiff joints or just a bad day perhaps. In actual fact it was to be the beginning of the end. From that day on she never played golf again her life changed so dramatically it was like a dream. I knew two different people.

We became very concerned for her when one day she had been down to the metro centre with my dad as they usually did, for people who are not familiar it is a very large shopping mall in the north east of England. Dad rang me in a panic he was sitting in his car and the words just rushed out. They had their normal breakfast in Marks and Spencer, then staying in there to do their shopping. Dad had been putting shopping in the trolley and suddenly realised the trolley was empty. Mum had been putting the goods back on the shelf. My dad was mortified, I told him I would be straight over and we would try and sort something out.

Mum was sitting in her chair when I got there I said hello and then went in the kitchen and shut the blinds it was exactly 11.45 am, I will never forget it. The kitchen was in the dark, and so I went in and pulled the cord up. Quite UN ruffled she just sat down and started to do her cross word. Dad and I decided she needed to see a professional doctor in psychiatry.

We took mum the next week and, she had several tests the psychiatrist asked mum her name. What her date of birth was, she stumbled on most of the questions. At the end we took mum home and waited for the results from the tests.

As you might guess they were well under the average for an average person of mum’s years.

Life might have gone as usual with mum I’m sure we would have coped, but dad had had been having tests. He had found three different lumps analysed at the hospital and the results happened to come through when I arrived down one morning.

Dads hands started to shake, I knew by his face that something was very wrong. He handed me the letter and it said that he had ‘Non Hodgkin’s lymphoma disease’. There were three booklets to read through which he decided I was to look through and make sure I knew what it was all about.

I did and the outlook was not at all good especially for some one of my father’s age, he wasn’t what I would call old, not these days, he was 77 when diagnosed.     He was never to look at the booklets or ever to mention the word cancer.

Dad had to start his chemo in two weeks time and the way mum was deteriorating we knew that a decision had to be made. A home it was always unthinkable but there was n nothing else we could do. Dad was going for chemo for at least 3 to 4 months and we didn’t know the outlook either, so we had no choice. We both felt so guilty but in my heart I knew that at least she would be safe, it was becoming rather dangerous to leave her on her own. My darling mum was now my daughter, we held her hand, the day we took her to the home dad very quiet and mum sitting silently looking out of the window. As we all stepped out of the car mum looked at dad and uttered three words to dad. “I love you”. That broke his heart and I was the one to take my mum into the home as dad completely broke down. Taking her in side was like the end of the world, I felt nasty guilty, the most horrible person in the world. But in my heart I had to do it for dad’s sake and mums.

The home was nice and her room was in pink with a lovely window looking out on to a grassed area were lots of flowers were. At least she had a view; I left her 20 minutes later having been told it was fairer on mum to leave her to it so that she could settle in. I didn’t look back as I already had tears streaming down my face; I had at that point in time to me imprisoned my own mother.

Dad was weeping gently in the car not looking up when I opened the door, two parent’s one mentally ill one physically ill.

The next article is how the affects of dad’s illness stopped him seeing mum and the turmoil this had on our family. Alzheimer’s the effects on families. Alzheimer’s the effects on families

Alzheimer’s the effects on families

My mother was always an active person, she played golf three to four times a week, with my dad baby sat my kids and did a hundred of other things. Then one day she came over to my house and was very quiet. I asked her what was wrong and she replied, “Its dry rot setting in”.  These words were to haunt me for a long time.

Firstly what was dry rot? A bad head stiff joints or just a bad day perhaps. In actual fact it was to be the beginning of the end. From that day on she never played golf again her life changed so dramatically it was like a dream. I knew two different people.

We became very concerned for her when one day she had been down to the metro centre with my dad as they usually did, for people who are not familiar it is a very large shopping mall in the north east of England. Dad rang me in a panic he was sitting in his car and the words just rushed out. They had their normal breakfast in Marks and Spencer, then staying in there to do their shopping. Dad had been putting shopping in the trolley and suddenly realised the trolley was empty. Mum had been putting the goods back on the shelf. My dad was mortified, I told him I would be straight over and we would try and sort something out.

Mum was sitting in her chair when I got there I said hello and then went in the kitchen and shut the blinds it was exactly 11.45 am, I will never forget it. The kitchen was in the dark, and so I went in and pulled the cord up. Quite UN ruffled she just sat down and started to do her cross word. Dad and I decided she needed to see a professional doctor in psychiatry.

We took mum the next week and, she had several tests the psychiatrist asked mum her name. What her date of birth was, she stumbled on most of the questions. At the end we took mum home and waited for the results from the tests.

As you might guess they were well under the average for an average person of mum’s years.

Life might have gone as usual with mum I’m sure we would have coped, but dad had had been having tests. He had found three different lumps analysed at the hospital and the results happened to come through when I arrived down one morning.

Dads hands started to shake, I knew by his face that something was very wrong. He handed me the letter and it said that he had ‘Non Hodgkin’s lymphoma disease’. There were three booklets to read through which he decided I was to look through and make sure I knew what it was all about.

I did and the outlook was not at all good especially for some one of my father’s age, he wasn’t what I would call old, not these days, he was 77 when diagnosed.     He was never to look at the booklets or ever to mention the word cancer.

Dad had to start his chemo in two weeks time and the way mum was deteriorating we knew that a decision had to be made. A home it was always unthinkable but there was n nothing else we could do. Dad was going for chemo for at least 3 to 4 months and we didn’t know the outlook either, so we had no choice. We both felt so guilty but in my heart I knew that at least she would be safe, it was becoming rather dangerous to leave her on her own. My darling mum was now my daughter, we held her hand, the day we took her to the home dad very quiet and mum sitting silently looking out of the window. As we all stepped out of the car mum looked at dad and uttered three words to dad. “I love you”. That broke his heart and I was the one to take my mum into the home as dad completely broke down. Taking her in side was like the end of the world, I felt nasty guilty, the most horrible person in the world. But in my heart I had to do it for dad’s sake and mums.

The home was nice and her room was in pink with a lovely window looking out on to a grassed area were lots of flowers were. At least she had a view; I left her 20 minutes later having been told it was fairer on mum to leave her to it so that she could settle in. I didn’t look back as I already had tears streaming down my face; I had at that point in time to me imprisoned my own mother.

Dad was weeping gently in the car not looking up when I opened the door, two parent’s one mentally ill one physically ill.

The next article is how the affects of dad’s illness stopped him seeing mum and the turmoil this had on our family. Alzheimer’s the effects on families. Alzheimer’s the effects on families