The ramblings of one woman’s diagnosis and how it made her feel.
Being born in 1959 with a cavernous angioma of the right temporal lobe, unbeknownst to my pediatrician, wasn’t a problem. Finding out at age 49 was. I have to say that awaking in my front yard on a gurney with strange faces all around me was startling enough, a bit of an alien experience for me. But it was just the beginning.
I remember a bright light which could have been simply the front porch light, or a small flashlight emitting from someone trying to watch me closely. Either way it was frightening to say the least, but it was momentary.
The next thing I knew I was waking up confused, sweating, shaking and with the worst feeling of doom ever. My husband stood over me with a local doctor in the emergency room. As I began to hear words I could hear my husband mumble to the doctor, “You better give her a sedative before you tell her.” And of course I responded in an utterly hysterical manner. Obviously the sedative wasn’t fast enough. “Mrs. Ayers.” I heard the doctor say to me as I struggled to free myself of the bed I was lying in. “You have had a seizure.” With that bit of information, I blacked out.
The next morning I awoke in a hospital room, my husband seated by my side in what looked like the worlds most uncomfortable chair. He looked haggard and worried, but when he saw I was awake, he sprung up. “How are you feeling?” He was curious but almost seemed afraid to ask. “Well, I’m okay I guess. What happened?” I felt better technically, but my heart was trying to jump out of my chest in a slight state of “PANIC!” I sat up in the bed and tried to get comfortable knowing that there had to be tubes running in and out of me somewhere.
My husband stroked my arm and said “You had a grand mal seizure last night and I had to call an ambulance.” I felt so confused and obviously it showed on my face. “You remember when you came downstairs last night and said you didn’t feel good?” Then it came to me. “Ah right. I felt like I was about to die or something. Everything felt scary and dark.” I replied to him. He sat back down. “Well, they did some tests and said you have a lesion in your brain, but don’t freak out! They don’t think it’s anything life threatening.”