Swine Flu! Run for The Hills!

Associated Press announced that President Obama has signed a paper declaring a national emergency over the H1N1 virus. Sounds like he’s worried, doesn’t it? After all, only 11 million of the promised 120 million doses of the vaccine have been delivered to the public.

The U.S. Surgeon General has given permission for hospitals to start opening treatment and screening centers away from the hospitals, to “move emergency rooms offsite to speed treatment and protect noninfected patients”.

Stop.

Just hold it. How many infectious diseases are known to have the power to kill? Thousands, including the plain old “changes every year” flu. Why didn’t the hospitals “protect noninfected patients” two months ago when kids were going into the emergency rooms with German Measles? Whooping cough? Mumps? Rubeola? Rubella? E-coli? Ebola, for crying out loud?

The way it was reported, you’d think the goal was to have a separate E.R., in a separate location, for every single malady that could come up – to make sure that kid with chicken pox didn’t get exposed to tse tse flies.

Hmm… Sounds like a neat idea, if only there were enough money in the world to make it happen. After all, if you fall and need stiches, you don’t wanna be around some gal with AIDS, now, do you?

Stop again.

Remember, those thousands of different communicable diseases that can kill if untreated? That’s a major-league bonehead idea. Do you really want thousands of emergency rooms in every town? Want one next to your house?

“But what about swine flu?” you may ask. Well, what about it? It is reported that about 1,000 deaths in the U.S. Have been attributed to H1N1, and about 2,700 world-wide. What about the 2 million people who die every single year from malaria? Holy moley, don’t run for the hills – that’s where the mosquitoes are! Aaaah! What do we do now?

The same thing you were supposed to do yesterday. Wash your hands, clean your food, cover your mouth when you cough, cover your nose when you sneeze, eat healthy and get some sleep.  Why do you think doctors wash their hands and cover their mouths before surgery?  That’s not O.C.D., it’s good sense.

Chicken soup and apples really work.

Grandma knew what protected us from sickness. That stuff still works! Yes, really. Ask your doctor about all those vitamins in the foods you don’t bother to eat. Then go eat them.

What’s the cure for H1N1 in humans?  There is only one known cure:  the human immune system.  That’s right, once you have it, there’s no Swine Pennicillin.  Either your immune system beats it, or you die.  Simple as that.  How do you get a strong immune system?  Eat your vegetables.  Period.  Aroma therapy and magnets aren’t going to do it.  Vaccines are for prevention, not curing.

So, what are my chances, doc?

Here are some statistics to help you put things in perspective.

Changes of dying from swine flu: 1 in 2,222,222

Odds of fatally slipping in bath or shower: 1 in 2,232

Odds of injury from fireworks: 1 in 19,556

Odds of being killed sometime in the next year in any sort of transportation accident: 1 in 77

Odds of being murdered: 1 in 18,000

Odds of being on plane with a drunken pilot: 1 in 117

Chance of dying from any kind of injury during the next year: 1 in 1,820

Chance of dying from intentional self-harm: 1 in 9,380

Chance of dying from any kind of fall: 1 in 20,666

Chance of dying from accidental drowning: 1 in 79,065

Chance of dying from exposure to smoke, fire, and flames: 1 in 81,524

Chance of dying in an explosion: 1 in 107,787

Odds of getting hemorrhoids: 25 to 1

Chance of having a stroke: 1 in 6

Odds are, before you ever get a chance to catch that piggy virus, you will first get hemorrhoids, have a stroke, commit suicide, be murdered, slip in the shower, blow yourself up with fireworks, crash your car, and burn to death. Unfortunately, if you’ve had all that stuff, and then had H1N1, you’re going to die from a dog bite (1 in 700,000).

Wash your hands, cover your mouth, eat your vegetables, and get busy living.