Talking to a Soldier with PTSD: 5 Ways to Avoid Triggering a Soldiers PTSD During a Conversation
A recent study found that one in eight soldiers returning from a combat deployment to either Iraq or Afghanistan have been diagnosed with PTSD. Soldiers suffering from this mental illness often find it hard to carry on conversations with regular citizens, including family members, when returning home. Listen to these pointers.
1. Avoid Crowded/Noisy Environments
When talking to a soldier, no matter how you are affiliated, try to avoid crowded areas. You may notice a soldier looking around the room constantly, finding it difficult to focus and seeming unusually anxious. Wait to carry on the conversation until after the room has calmed or simply suggest going outside for privacy.
Side Note: This situation resembles that of being in crowded cities or markets. The learned instinct in combat zones is to always be aware and never be trusting of your environment. This is frustrating for a soldier in many ways because loud noises from children, people brushing up against him/her can trigger a high level of anxiousness which will lead to frustration.
2. Don’t Suggest Seating in the Middle of a Restaurant
Like in the first topic a soldier can often times find themselves feeling uncomfortable in a crowded or noisy environment. If you will take notice, without saying anything, the soldier will often times choose a seat near a wall with easy access to look out a window. It will also be in a lighted area that seems dimmer than the rest. Allow the soldier to choose where to sit, even if it isn’t where you would prefer. You will be able to have a better conversation and meal with him/her if they are comfortable.
Side Note: This is again because a soldier deployed is always aware. That soldier was used to having a weapon of some sort on his/her person at all times. Now they don’t. They were use to eating in a controlled environment around nothing but other soldiers. Now they aren’t.
3. Avoid Talks about Politics
Soldiers have very strong views and feelings pertaining to politics. Your views, while still important, will not seem that way to the soldier. He/she has been down range. They have fought and sacrificed for their country. You haven’t. By default they will often feel that your opinions do not matter as much and will even feel some distain for your lack of knowledge in areas where they are knowledgeable.
Side Note: If it comes up in a conversation allow the soldier to express their opinions. Standing your ground here will do nothing positive. A soldier will not back down from their stance and will become angry if your stance differs from theirs. They will want you to take their side, see it from their point of view. Just humble them and listen. Give input to someone else.
4. Beware of Alcohol
Be very careful how you engage in conversation with a soldier if they are drinking or have become intoxicated. Alcohol magnifies what is going on inside and a soldier with PTSD may be ready to explode. Try to keep obnoxious, loud people away from the soldier to prevent an altercation. Soldiers are trained to fight, to want to fight. Most of them have been in far bigger tangles than a bar fight. If drunk they will not be scared to engage.
Side Note: Try to talk the soldier into taking it easy with the drinking. Do not bring up the deployment at all. If they bring it up simply try to change the subject without seeming like you don’t care. Listen when they are sober. A drunken rant can often become a depressing thing for everyone involved.
5. Never Say that you Understand
It is a fact: you do not understand what a combat deployment is like. There are several phases that have to be experienced. A soldier goes through the process of being deployed, of leaving loved ones and everything he/she knows to go. Once they arrive to the combat zone their senses and instincts evolve. This is subconscious learning we are talking about here, not something that they read or heard and simply applied. They saw, smelled, heard and felt many things during their deployment, all of which you have never experienced. Saying that you understand will often trigger something inside the soldier to get angry. They will yell that you don’t understand, that no one understands.
Side Note: Saying something like “I wish I could understand” or “I understand that you are hurting” or even “I can’t even imagine” are things that will generally generate a positive response. These are like saying “I care” to a soldier with PTSD.
It is possible to carry on a normal conversation with a veteran/soldier. It is possible for them to get better. They will not get better though without genuine support. Do these things because you care and never, under any circumstances ask http://www.socyberty.com/Military/Five-Questions-You-Should-Never-Ask-a-Soldier.132016>these questions.
Liked it
LOVELY HONEY | Jul 15, 2009 | Reply
war makes people mad
and i get mad
at war mongers
hfj | Jul 15, 2009 | Reply
Great informative article. I have a friend who is on medication who served two years in Iraq who has PTSD. The suicide rate for veterans of war are higher now than they have ever been. Thanks for sharing this valuable information in educating the public of the many problems our veterans are still fighting on a daily basis. Well done my friend.
gaffneygirl | Jul 15, 2009 | Reply
Experience speaks volumes, armyguy. Thanks for the advice.
Ruby Hawk | Jul 15, 2009 | Reply
Thank you, when one of my grandsons came back from Iraq, the sound of a backfire almost sent him over the top. Another grandson is deploying for Afghanistan soon for his third tour.I appreciate your information. I can’t tell you how proud I am of my grandsons, granddaughter-in-law who is in the army, and all of you guys who serve your country.I just wish all of you could come home for good.
Loving Wife | Jul 28, 2009 | Reply
My Husband has PTSD, and this really helped me understand him better. All of it is so true, I notice these things about my husband, he can not handle lots of people being around him. We just had a meeting with his doctor today, so he could tell me some things he did, and saw while over there durring his tours. I was not prepared at all for what I heard coming out of his mouth. My heart goes out to all military people serving this country. For others dealing with loved ones with PTSD, all I have to say is hang in there and just give your total support to them. Let them know that they are not a “bad” person for doing their job. My husband is having trouble with that part.
Armywriter | Jul 28, 2009 | Reply
Loving Wife,
He probably hasn’t told you everything yet. A year is a long time and a lot happens. Hang in there with your husband because he needs it.
If you ever need to check out the Military One Source. It’s for active duty and spouses.
carla demarrias | Aug 17, 2009 | Reply
everything you’ve said is exactly true. my sister keeps saying i’m here but i’m not and she wants to understand. it frustrates me even more so.
Marinesgirl | Dec 2, 2009 | Reply
I need help, see my boyfriend has just got back from Iraq in August. He is dealing with things that normal people shouldnt be dealing with. Here recently he has discovered that alcohol makes “things” go “away”. I dont want him to result to alcohol. He is a stronger man than that. He has bad dreams and I tell him that I am there for him. He has these moments where he just wants to be alone and I dont know how to deal with that. He tells me he wants something for ourselfs…that nobody has. He wants a baby but I dont know if he is mentally prepared and if he is saying that because of the PTSD? HELP PLEASE!
Armywriter | Dec 6, 2009 | Reply
Marines Girl,
Many soldiers/ Marines believe alcohol helps them. It doesn’t. Alcohol is a depressant.
The first sixty days back from a deployment are generally tough but the next 120 are really rough. I think that the only thing you can do is try to continue to be there for him but also let him know that he is no longer at war and that he needs to be there for you as well. If things are not great right now I would not suggest a child at all.
Armywriter
Liz | Dec 14, 2009 | Reply
I’m dealing with that problem too…my friends.
It was dificult wen it started…but everything is possible with God hep …and the other part is being aware of the things they do not want tobe near…heping to y
them in that way…they will be most relaxing, ….
You know i’m learning to deal with this proublem and everything I hear from you others spouses helpme , becouse I can see, I’m not Alone in this…many other persons are dealing rigth now whit the some proublem
Sara Ross | Jan 19, 2010 | Reply
Thank you so much for this site! I am a volunteer with a Veteran’s outpatient clinic. Some of us are attempting to move and further develop an art’s and writing program for the Veterans in our area. We have seen that this outlet has been quite valuable in enabling these artists and writers to meet and develop their craft in a supportive and non-judgemental environment. I for one will share this site with my cohorts, and will study and take to heart what is presented.
Blessings,
S. Ross