Testicular Cancer: Ladies, Don’t Forget to Squeeze Your Man’s Balls!

We need to get a firm grip on testicular cancer!

Testicular Cancer is nothing to joke about!

I believe that together we could ‘lick’ this sticky issue, but – it’s been shown to respond much better when using a more, um, ‘hands on’ approach!

While there is a national US average of approximately 8,000 new cases of testicular cancer annually – it is also one of the most curable types of cancer at any age and at any stage.

The symptoms present early and are uniquely recognizable – which most often leads to an early – if not an easy diagnosis. Symptoms can include a painless testicular lump, swelling or pain, a dull ache in the abdomen or groin, enlarged breasts, backache, and/or a feeling of heaviness in the scrotum.

Even at it’s worst – after ignoring, denying, or being oblivious to these blatant symptoms, thereby allowing it to metastasize (spread) – the mortality rate is still only 1 in 5,000 cases. Considered to be very low.

But, every life counts, so I say the time has come to nip this problem in the ‘bud(s)’!

It’s time to engage in some serious ‘ballplay‘ and take a much closer look at the, um, ‘nuts (and bolts) of this fear-inspiring disease.

The fact of the matter is that a once-monthly dose of up close and personal interaction with your man’s scrotum comes highly recommended by The American Cancer Society, no less. The young and the unattached will need to take matters firmly into their own hands. Or, as Rodney Carrington so aptly croons: “It’s time to get a grip on your man to hand relationship!”

Here’s the perfect ‘how-to-man-handle-yourself-properly‘ guide: – give it to someone you love ‘balls-deep’ this holiday season!

Meanwhile, attached men all across the globe are going ‘balls out’ to persuade their ladies that a far more regular maintenance schedule is in order to assuage their fears and put their minds at ease!

They’re not trying to be ‘dicks’ about it or anything – their concern should be seen only as the mature taking of responsibility for ones own personal health and welfare. Nothing more!

They’d also like to integrate the monthly scrotal massage with their lady’s monthly breast exam! Oh, yes – they would do this for us, girls! And, if all proves to be well in the health department – they ask that it please count towards foreplay!


But seriously, now: Every man – from the age of 15 – needs to on the lookout monthly for any changes in his ‘boys’, and to immediately see a Doctor if he finds something suspicious!

After all – this is one situation where needing ‘brass balls’ would NOT be such a good thing!

Lance Armstrong, the seven time winner of The Tour De France – lost a testicle to the disease and now leads the pack in the race to find the cure!

Here is a link to his Living Strong non-profit organization:

The ‘balls’ in your court now, gentlemen!

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  1. Now THAT’S a great idea – mutual massage to check for nasties!!
    *clears throat*
    “….and the Triond award for the funniest, yet most useful article of 2011 goes to…” *drum roll*

    “ImKarm23!!!!” take a bow my friend!

  2. You gave me a shiver especially by sharing how Armstrong lives these day.

  3. Good advice and well written information.I hope most of woman read and share this advice to their friend.

  4. Sorry bout the TRIOND PUBLISH PLEASE..I honestly think the lights are on and no one’s home around here! It should be gone now…

  5. My doctor told me that squeezing balls was good excercise for my arthritic hands. Do you think I could start a checking service… joking!

  6. I like it.I never knew about this

  7. While reading this, a sudden feeling of apprehension engulfs me and do a reality check if I give myself a healthy lifestyle. But for now I’m confident that I’m still fine. Thanks for the forewarning! This is viable!

  8. Love it. Of course you spent many admirable hours doing personal research I hope :-) Also smiles to Rosettaartist1 above.

  9. @Valmills: Somebody had to do it, Val. I’m just the sacrificing type, doncha know! haha..thanks for reading!

  10. LOL! You\’re too funny, but this is good advice.

  11. funny but true

  12. nice

  13. very interesting article

  14. Good

  15. thanks for the information. learned something new today.

  16. Ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  17. Thank you for spreading awareness. I love the pun!

  18. Good information.

    good share informative

  19. Two way purpose: I like my balls to be touched for pleasure and health.

  20. The threat for testicular cancer is larger in men whose brother or father has had the disease.

  21. Very well presented. thanks

  22. Gosh, Now the burden falls on, preferably, a male Triond writer to write the companion article for the male’s responsibility when it comes to preventing breast cancer.

    Since most women do not use their breasts to convert blood into milk these days, those poor underused mammaries tend to get sick. Just my opinion…I am not a doctor.

    So guys get your hand off that mouse you are playing a game with and on your wive’s breasts where they belong!

  23. lol

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