Should smokers hang tough?
One of the easiest ways to avoid smoking cigarettes that works well, at least for me, is to stay broke so you don’t have any money to buy cigarettes with. But my mother sent me twenty dollars for my birthday and, after buying food for my cat, I had enough left over for a cheap pack of roll-your-own. After smoking a couple of them I felt winded but I couldn’t bring myself to throw them away, and I didn’t know anyone who would keep them for me, to slow me down on smoking them, without giving me a lecture and a frown, so I did the next best thing. I walked down the hallway and got on the elevator at the fourth floor and put the pack of rollies in my mail box in the lobby. That way, I hoped and reasoned, I would be unlikely to smoke as often because they are not compelling enough for that long walk to them. The next day the mail person asked, “What are those cigarettes doing in your mail box?”
“I don’t know”, I said. “ Let me take a look. Yep, they”re in there all right. I can see them myself. I wondered what happened to them. I guess one of those kids stole them and figured I wouldn’t find them in there.”
“You can’t keep those in your mail box, Mr. Chestnutt. It is illegal.”
“OK. I’ll take them out.”
“Thank you so much,” she said expressively. After she left I put them back in.
The next day I slept late and did not get the smokes out of the mail box before she arrived and she called me on the phone in the lobby to remind me it is unlawful to keep anything other than official mail in one’s mail box.
“Gee, I don’t know how those smokes keep winding up in my mail box! I wondered what happened to them. They were missing again.”
“Have you been taking your blood pressure medicine, Mr. Chestnutt?”
“I meant to but my window was open while I was cleaning the screen and a little bird flew in and made off with my blood pressure medicine. I can’t get it refilled until the expiration date is past, according to my pharmacist. I think that bird might have go my smokes, too, but I don’t know how he got them into the mail box, unless he got my key, too.”