Whether that cut on my cheek is really just a cut, or if that headache is just a headache.
Aparently as a teenanger I can get impressionable. To the point where if I read an article about cancer, and a symptom of said cancer. I believe I have the symptom in turn I believe I have the cancer.
I really would like to just believe that doctors make up all these diseases so we get paranoid and get a checkup more often, so they can get a bigger paycheck, but that would just be baseless, and risky. Maybe they make up some of them, maybe they don’t but I have no idea which ones could be fake or which ones could be real.
If I could just believe that some of these diseases are not real, then I could sleep easier at night, but I can’t, Ive seen alot of media, alot of infected cuts, alot of bald headed skinny people in hospitals.
I’m young I am not interested in dying yet, but sometimes I think dying is better than being anxious and paranoid about what some doctor tells me about this terrible and fatal illness, and frankly I don’t know how many 16 years olds are suicidal but id rather not be one of them. Suicide is never the good option.
I could get a headache while I’m playing a video game, sure I might sometimes think of it as just a headache, but maybe its not a headache maybe its a symptom of brain cancer that’s going to kill me in my sleep.
Recently I got a scratch on my face, it was on a pimple, so i have this exposed elevated piece of flesh that could get infected, and I don’t know when or how.
I don’t want to think about diabetes, I don’t want to think about cancer, I don’t want to think about meningitis. I don’t want to worry about infections.
I want to live, I want to sleep, I want to worry about things that actually matter,
but no my mind tells me I have cancer, and that I’m going to die tonight, and at the point where you can’t trust your own mind, you know you really have lost it.