Hangover Cures That Will Make Your Head Spin!

’tis the season to be jolly. And spiritual. And very possibly hung over as well!

Depending on where in the world you find yourself this holiday season, it’s important to know not only the customs and cocktails, but, also the customary hangover helpers. Drinking is a skill founded on interaction, social networking. The building of relationships. New friends who, no matter what language they may speak, all speak the international language of partying!

I bet you thought I was gonna say love? Love is lovely, sure, but, partying is understood even by those who can’t stomach love!

Now, it would never do to tear down all that building up of good international relations by gauchely ordering an oh-so-American Bloody Mary or banana shake to cure what ails ya, would it?

So, here are a few carefully selected international cures to get the party started. Or rather, ended. Or maybe – started again. Whatever!

Simple remedies are best, don’t you agree? It doesn’t get simpler than that which the Sicilians swear by. To instantly alleviate the hated hangover – simply eat dried bulls penis. It is sold in ‘bulk’ at any Sicilian market. Also known to, um, ‘boost’ the immune system, etc. Now, who can refuse that offer? Not recommended for women under 210 pounds. Salute!

Ancient Romans would cure nasty hangovers by eating 2 canaries, fried simply with oil, salt, and pepper. This delicacy was available only for the headaches of the 1%. I guess the 99% had to settle for sparrows?

If you, like so many others, find yourself in Outer Mongolia this holiday season and wake up feeling a wee bit like you’ve died and gone to hell? Do not fret! They have the antidote that will snap you right back to earth. The hangover cure for heavy drinkers in Outer Mongolia is a pair of pickled sheep’s eyes in tomato juice. NO, not just any old sheep’s eyes. Pickled only. And no, you can’t have extra! Geez. Daboja!

The Russians will welcome you with open…bottles of vodka! How can one possibly say nyet? Thankfully, those that refer to vodka as water believe that drinking the juice of a cucumber will cure the hairiest of hangovers. Here’s hoping they’re right! Na zdorovje!

Be sure to add Canada and Israel to your travel itinerary. Oh, yeah. These 2 great countries share the same hangover cure: They swear that nothing will bring you back into balance better than a great big fat doobie! O, Canada! L’Chaim!

When in Haiti, do as the Haitian do. Haitian voodoo Doctors recommend sticking 13 black pins into the cork of the offending bottle/s. Conveniently, black pins are sold by the local voodoo Doctor. In packages of 12. Salud!

Peurto Ricans believe that if you rub half a lemon under your drinking arm – you won’t suffer a hangover at all. It’s recommended that women not shave under said armpit for a minimum of 2 days before imbibing. Men either. Chin Chin!

Poland? Pickles! Na zdrowie!

Tripe soup is the remedy of choice when you visit such popular tourist spots as Mexico. And Turkey. And Rumania.

Anyway, it is a simple recipe – all that is required is some garlic, some cream, and oh, yes – one cow’s stomach! Sagliginiza!

Portugal is my absolute favorite! Remind me to never, ever, under any circumstances drink there! They ‘honor’ their cherished guests the morning after the night before by serving them a rich, succulent cure-all: Lamprey suckerfish boiled in wine – and it’s own blood (of course) – and served over toast. Mmmmmm. Saude!

Cheers, everyone!

Remember: Don’t drink and drive!

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