A hard look at suicide, and the affect it has on you and others.
That hurt me more then anyone will ever know. Two of my brothers are gone because of suicide, I could not believe it.
A hard look at suicide, and the affect it has on others.
1. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Robert Shepherd.
I have lived in Provo, Utah, all my life.
2. The topic and what happen when someone Commits suicide. Like your family and friends. Those who have taken their lives do not see the after effects that it causes. And pain that we all go though, after it has been done.
Let me start off with, what happen to my younger brother Larry. Back in the 90’s, Larry and his wife, came down from Nevada were they had been living. At first I though he was just visiting. We went to Denny’s with Larry to have coffee, while we were there he told me and my wife, that his wife had left him and that she did not like living in Nevada and she took the kids with her. He was very upset over it, and worried sick that he would not get to see his kids anymore. We tried to cheer him up, by making the suggestion that perhaps he could fix what his was having problems with, and if he fix it he would get to see his children. We found out later that there was a lot more wrong then her just not wanting to live in Nevada. That night he left saying, ‘he was going to visit a common friend of ours and would talk later.’ We found out that he even came over and talked with my wife’s parents the night before. Then on September 20, 1994, we got a call from my sister. She was upset and panicked! My wife and I raced out of the house, and headed to Orem. When we got to her house, she met us at the door. She told us, that the ambulance had just taken him away. We didn’t get to see Larry again till at the viewing.
There where so many questions left behind and no one to answer them.
At first I would not admit it was suicide. By using thing like, his car keys, that was left at his friends’ house. I though it was a little strange, at the time. Why there were 4 cans lined up on the ground out side of the garage in a way that look like more then one person, had been sitting there. So I try to convince myself that he was murder. I could not see how he would do such a thing. He had everything to live for. He had a family, friends and a good paying job. Yes, he was a smoker and a drinker, and yes you could say he was an alcoholic. But I could not see how alcohol had anything to do with it. And in my eyes I could not see him doing something like that. So I put it behind me and went on with my life. If anyone asks about him I told them that he died. I would not tell them that he took is own life and I left it at that.
If someone in your family comments suicide you need to look at it and not hide from it. Trust me, the pain is not worth it, and here is why.
December 2006, we had been invited to a play. One of David’s sons had one of the lead roles in it. It was a wonderful performance, and we totally enjoyed ourselves. David must have been swelling with pride. Watching one of his children not only act, but sing and dance too. The play was put in the local paper and his son got to be in Red Badge of Courage a few months later. To me it was the best day that my big brother and wife could have ever of shared with me. March came and David came over to our house and he had been drinking. But was not strange because he drink, he came over for he just to talk. We went out side and talk. He told me that he and his wife were having problem. He was feeling like a failure, she was going to leaving him because he was abusive to her. He did not know how to fix it. I told him to go get help you can fix this. And to look at the good thing you got in your life. Like your sons and daughters and how good they turned out to be. You should be happy. He seems to cheers up some and headed for home. He was going to work on getting back with his wife, no matter what it took. I do know that he and his wife did get back together. But then in May, I got a call from my mom. The police had found David in his home.
After his wife call them, and that he had killed himself.
That hurt me more then anyone will ever know. Two of my brothers are gone because of suicide, I could not believe it. And how could this happen to me. I had never heard of two family members killing themselves before, And in the same way, using the same method.
I think that in many ways. That those that comment suicide, have so many things going on, they have no idea how to slow down and talk and get the help they needed. And things they are doing in there life like drugs, alcohol and the stress all combine and makes it hard, for them to look at their action.
When someone comment suicide in a family:
The family goes though hell at first they deny it, then they look for thing like some one had to murder them, By coming up with thing, like the keys being left at his friends house, and the cans left on the ground. They grasps on to anything, to make it look like he did not kill himself. Then as the time goes by they blame themselves, like maybe I did some thing to him, to push him into this. When that doses not easy the pain, then they start blaming others. Did she cheated on him, or abusive to him. Did that contributes to the stress that made him do something like that.
When a parent loses a child it is harder on them. For one they have out live one of there children, to them they feel that their children should always out live them. Putting the blame on themself.
When the son or daughter of someone that comment suicide. They will never get to see their father or mother again and that alone makes it hard. They blame them self or think that other are blame them.
When a wife or husband has this happen to them they have lost their true love and the idea of living with out them can cause so much stress.
Many families have had this happen to them? They try to hide it, because of their religions values, make it nearly impossible to deal with. Scared that their peers will look down on them: So that they won’t get help that they desperately need to cope. We all need to find ways to recognize this before it happens, to any of us.
In so many ways I think alcohol is a factor. Because it clouds the mine, making it harder to trust your own judgment: And yes a lot of people use alcohol to hide the pain and the stress, which they are going though and/or hiding from their problems.
But when you add drugs to the mixture it combines, making it harder to see what they are doing, or what is going on inside of them. Making it hard for them to cope with their problems:
Stress to me is the most dangers because it builds up and festers. Till you lose it as the years go by.
Here is a sample.
David had a lot of stress and trust issue in his life. Events in his life and past events did not help ether. He made it harder on himself by not reaching out for help. Instead he turned to drugs and alcohol, to easy the pain.
By not getting help for the stress he was going through, it all built up till he took his life.
Suicide in so many ways can tear a family apart.
But you need to remember the one that comment suicide is the one to blame.
So on conclusion, if someone comments suicide in your family you need to get the help to deal with the grief. Start by researching the internet, if you can not bring yourself to talk to your local clergy, to help you cope with what has happen. Talk with other family members; they are hurting just as badly as you are. Talk with their friends; sometimes they will know the person better then their own family. Don’t just stand back and let it be swept under the rug. This will not help anyone, including the lost loved one. They had cried out for help, but no one heard. Hear them now and learn what lessens they left behind for everyone they knew. Honor their life by helping others not make the same mistakes and don’t let them fall though the cracks.