Anxiety

I have lived with anxiety for over five years and i envy my first set of panic attacks for being as short as they were.

I am a mother and as a mother situations arise when leaving the house is necessary. The only problem is that I am severely Agoraphobic and these minute details of life run mine.

Let me start by writing my motivation for putting my personal business on paper. Throughout my life I have had to admit to many my condition, I have had to tell my sons school why I do not go to P&C meetings, I have had to tell potential partners, new friends, members of social groups I wish to join and with every new person I tell I start to feel more and more insane.

The first reaction is that face. The face of shock and suspicion. Fair enough, there are weird people out there. The second reaction is a hurried “oh yes, that’s fine, don’t worry about it”. And the third reaction is this person avoiding any HINT of the subject with me ever again. No longer invited.

It has made me wonder. I am one of many people who suffer from Anxiety and Agoraphobia but even with large numbers behind me I am STILL left to feel strange is a world of normality. Why? Are they mean people? No, majority are very nice people who run the cake stall at my sons school. Are they misinformed? Possibly, but I hardly see billboards with “ANXIETY = CRAZY” on them. So what we seem to be logically left with is ignorance. Unintentional ignorance. Now there is nothing malicious in ignorance, nothing intentionally mean, no harm meant but for people like me who struggle every day with this debilitating condition yes it is hurtful, very hurtful.

So far I seem like a very self conscious person who thinks the world is looking at her and judging. Please let me assure you that this is not so. I rate very high with confidence. I love public speaking. I know that people generally have no interest in looking into me anymore than they would a brick wall. So this feeling I have of being separated from people is not coming from no where. I have studied psychology (through correspondence of coarse!) and I can recognise when someone is just bursting to get away from me.

So how do we make this crazy subject normal? Depression institutions? No, only depressed people make the effort to visit these establishments unless they are people studying the people who visit these establishments. Government funded adds? Only if you want to make us seem even more a minority. Education? We choose if we want education or not in this area, and many average folk simply do not. So that leaves us with no more big wig media resources, what’s left? US! The community at large! showing every day compassion, effort to understand, a show of good old fashioned help and community.

Now you may be thinking “hmmmm yes but people in the wrong frame of mind are more susceptible to make rash choices, be a bit more dangerous than Bob Next Door.” How very very wrong you are if you indeed are hesitating to trust my words. I am an incredibly loving mother, I am a talented author, and educated member of society, a future teacher and someone who, if anything, has more reason to be kind, gentle and understanding than Bob Next Door. I have seen what it’s like in the dark, surrounded by endless fear, having my life shut down piece by piece and it has made my levels of compassion and understanding soar! Has given me a perspective from the point of wanting help, if i now saw someone wanting help I would give my all to do so because I have indeed had dark days and i don’t want anyone to suffer as i have. And indeed good old Bob might just be suffering next door too, we don’t walk around with a twitch and so are not too detectable unless circumstances force a confession.

So, my main message to you reader is to GO OUT OF YOUR WAY to learn about anxiety so that when a mother, a teacher, a nice normal citizen has to blurt their painful secret to you, you will know how to make them feel better and not just run away to join the pack. You could very well make a persons whole perspective on themselves change for the better. You have that power. Use it.

I personally thank you for it.