Asperger’s Struggles in the Workplace
The struggles and frustrating experiences that a person with Asperger’s Syndrome often has in the workforce.
“You’re being such a baby!”
“Stop being so lazy!”
“Other people with disabilities have overcome them, why can’t you?!”
“Put it behind you and move on!”
These are just some of the things that people say to those with Asperger’s Syndrome, a high-functioning form of autism that negatively affects social interaction. It is a condition that robs the person who has it of the social skills necessary to function in a community and in society. Among the aspects of this disability include difficulty making friends, bad reactions to sudden, unexpected changes in routine, and obsession with different subjects and topics.
Since I am one of the estimated 20 million “Aspies” worldwide, I can give a firsthand account of the struggles and frustrations I’ve had – and still have – fitting in and functioning effectively in the world. This is due to people seeing me over the years as “weird”, “rude”, “too honest”, “unaware”, and “like a bull in a china shop”.
One of the traits of AS (short for Asperger’s) is a mind-set that everyone is more or less equal, which leads to an aversion to being ordered around and consistently told what to do. In other words, people with AS tend to feel an animosity toward employers and supervisors in the workplace who micromanage, looking over one’s shoulders and criticizing every little mistake, trying to find faults.
Difficulty in coping with criticism has been found to be prevalent in Aspies. This trait has particularly pertained to me. In several of the jobs I have had, there have been people who did nothing but look over my shoulder, criticizing me and the way I did my work, despite my working hard and being extremely dependable and responsible.
In hindsight, I understand that in their mind they were just doing their job and making sure I was doing mine. In my mind, however, these people were oppressing and bullying me. In my mind, through their micromanaging, they were telling me, “I don’t trust you to do your job.” In my mind, they were saying, “You are not as good a person as I am. You are not equal to me in any way. You are inferior, so that gives me a license to push you around and treat you any way I please.” In short, they seemed to me more like slavery-era overseers than supervisors or employers.
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Kate | Apr 13, 2009 | Reply
Thank you for sharing. I work with a girl with Asperger\’s and I can see many of the characteristics you spoke of in her. This has helped to give me an understanding of what she might be thinking and feeling.
Brenda | May 15, 2009 | Reply
I hear you. I struggle with this too. I didn’t know what it was until my son was diagnosed. Under reasonable circumstances I can function fine, as long as I am well-rested and have the opportunity to sort things out and think through things. Every thing we do or say is more complicated because we have to put so much analyzation into what comes natural to most people. Most people just don’t understand how tiring that is. But when I’m faced with overly stressful circumstances, bombarded with too many factors or stimuli, I also get to that point where I just want to crawl in a hole and die. People don’t understand such an over-reaction, when my brain shuts down I can rationalize it as just being proactive. If it feels like there’s no way out of a situation, why prolong the inevitable? In the past, I have had very good jobs with understanding people. I didn’t know at the time how lucky I was. Then I transferred to Corporate Headquarters, within in the same company, and found a completely different environment. I hope to get back to that good place again someday, and this time I’ll appreciate it more!
Rebecca | May 28, 2009 | Reply
Thank you for sharing! I too have Asperger’s Syndrome, and your experience is a mirror image of my own. It’s a shame, when people in positions of authority feel they have the right to trample on the others, who may be a little different from society’s view of normal. It’s up to us to take a stand! And you’re right, you are still here, and that definitely counts for something!!
Arielle | May 29, 2009 | Reply
I just learned, two days ago, that I may have Asperger’s. I have gone through your symptoms my entire life. Working is very hard, and I often have break downs or get so depressed I can’t function properly.
I have developed a strong social confidence growing up, but I am still unable to communicate with anyone effectively. I can’t read between the lines and I rarely understand others’ meanings.
Life hasn’t been easy, but I’m working on learning more and trying to pick things up…
Would love to chat one day!
Arielle
mirlantany@yahoo.com
llcanni49 | Sep 24, 2009 | Reply
I can understand what you are saying. I am an Aspie too. I have just started having problems at work related to getting others to understand what I am saying. Also I seem to break some sort of un-named social rules every so often and that causes problems. If I had the money I would find an unpopulated island somewhere and move there with my cats!
Donald | Dec 16, 2009 | Reply
It is really good to read this! I am 44 now and it was only when my daughter was diagnosed with AS last year that it finally dawned on me. I’m having real problems now with a senior manager that is trying to micromanaging me. Until now I’ve worked in European companies that are in general more flexible but now I’m in a tightly controlled Canadian company with a manager who wants details but does not define exactly what is necessary. I feel like I’m being bullied unnecessarily and just want an escape hatch. Now that I know I’m AS I think should I talk to personel or just run away!
Don
DerekH | Dec 16, 2009 | Reply
@ Donald: Believe me, I KNOW you want to run away from your situation – I felt the very same thing multiple times.
If I were you, though, I would talk to personnel IMMEDIATELY about what you’re going through with your manager. Tell them what you told me, that you have AS and can’t handle your manager’s micromanaging.
Hope that works for you.
Donald | Jan 11, 2010 | Reply
Hi Derek,
Well I decided to take the plunge and talk to personnel. After they look up the dictionary they make press the panic button! AS has different levels! I think I’m on the mild side but mirco managing brings out a bad reaction. I may just leave and return to the UK. If my daughter didn’t have the same condition I think my wife would have left me ages ago!
Thanks Donald
simon | Mar 21, 2010 | Reply
i know your pain i too have A.S and i too have failed in all the ways you mention. After 31 years i sometimes i feel i would of been better of born in to a wheel chair at least then people i encounter in day to day life who don’t under stand A.S would at least be more understanding of a disability they could see.
Rae | May 6, 2010 | Reply
Hi, thanks for the story. i really relate to what you are saying even though i am not diagnosed with AS, my parents have inferred it recently, and it would really explain a lot about the way I seem to struggle with life and the workplace. I think I will try and get a diagnosis. I have spent most of my life being self employed as I have a skilled job and this has really been my saviour.
DerekH | May 7, 2010 | Reply
@ Simon: I’ve felt like that too at times, like folks in wheelchairs are much more tolerated, but aspies are not.
susieq23 | Sep 26, 2010 | Reply
It is so relieving to read all of these entries. i’m not officially diagnosed, but im 95% positive that i have aspergers. my whole life i knew that there was something different about me, but it became more obvious the older i got. kids can be weird, but as you get older, it become less tolerated. i’m from a very small town, and go home every summer. the experience of just going home and seeing everyone that i grew up with gets weirder and weirder each time. in the workplace, people get frusterated with me because i sometimes get flustered or just dont know how to act. i know that my brother has it also, and i think he has it worse. his social skills are much worse than mine. it just feels good to put a name to how different he and i have felt our whole lives.
Mia | Oct 27, 2010 | Reply
Wow. Its like I wrote this. This is exactly how I feel at my job right now. This has helped a lot
Jake L | Jan 9, 2011 | Reply
I have Aspergers, and at my current job I have been subject to incessant criticism by my boss, mostly in a condescending way. She has made comments such as “you really need to listen to what people are really telling you, not just what’s being said”. (well, duh!) having been diagnosed in 2001, I am all too aware of that, but she acts as though I don’t know. If it were that easy, Aspergers would not exist. It goes to show that NT’s are far more ignorant of the Aspie mindset than vice-versa.
DerekH | Jan 10, 2011 | Reply
@ Jake L: I wonder if you have told your boss that you have AS. Because if you have, and she’s still treating you the way she is, then she’s being really insensitive.
I’d consider telling her that you need to be talked to in a manner that’s not condescending, because she’s clearly showing that she doesn’t respect you as an equal human being. If I were you, I’d request a meeting with her & lay it all on the table.
If you do so, I hope she comes to understand you and your situation, and I certainly hope it works out.
Bradley Johnson | Mar 1, 2011 | Reply
All the responses are very touching and understandable, but what would be useful if you could suggest who things could be done better. I am keen to help a volunteer at my company to become useful and perhaps gain full time employment with the company but i need to get through to this guy.
DerekH | Mar 7, 2011 | Reply
@ Bradley: All I can say is to give this volunteer all the support you can. Understanding, support, tolerance and acceptance are the keys to dealing w/ aspies. It also depends on the kind of work your company is doing, and how severe an aspie your volunteer is.
Ann35 | Jan 5, 2012 | Reply
I am a mother with a son who has Asperger’s and I am a special education teacher who works with many students with ASD. I also recently was diagnosed with Aspergers’s myself at the age of 44.
Each of us is unique and each of us has gifts to offer. I love teaching and learning from my students. My struggle is with my co workers. .
I have found with both my son and I that cognitive therapy or just talking things through and seeeking clarity works very well in making sense of confusing social situations. Learning to relax is also very helpful. I have taught STOP THINK DO to my students in my classes and they have had a great response in learning to manage their emotional repsonse to trigger situations.
What I found when I disclosed my diagnosis to my employer that to my shock they were clueless on how to respond and as a result denied my diagnosis and because of social misunderstandings of my behaviour built up over the year put me on a discipline plan. I want education and awareness of ASD in the workpalce to prevent this from happening to someone else. If it can happen in an education department it can happen anywhere.
DerekH | Jan 11, 2012 | Reply
Thanks so much for the comments; that fact that we’re the same age (I’m also 44) automatically made me relate besides the fact that we both have AS.
That STOP THINK DO is good advice, one that I wish someone kind would have told me decades ago. I’ll keep that in mind for the future.
And I totally feel you on your experiences with your employers; mine – in education – didn’t really care that I was an aspie and most likely figured that it would be easier to deal with an NT and not make accomodations, a factor in my many firings I’m sure.
Unfirtunately, as the education field is a service field where one has to cooperatively and effectively work with people and meet their needs, I don’t think things will change as far as teachers/staff with ASD getting dealt with they way they are.
Again, nice comments. Thanks.