Coping with a Crisis: Stress Can Drive to Breaking Point

Coping with a Crisis: Stress Can Drive to Breaking Point

By Mr Ghaz, November 13, 2009

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Coping with a Crisis: Stress Can Drive to Breaking Point

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You can deal with some crises by giving support and attention. Others you may feel are beyond your skill. It can be important to recognize when you can’t cope and need to find somebody who can. If someone is very panicky you need to help him calm down. If he is talking of killing himself you need to take this seriously. But these emergencies are rare. You are more likely to be trying to help someone who is quietly desperate and who needs help to talk about his problems.

Calm down

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If a person is very panicky you will need to help him calm down. Touch him in some way – hold his hand or put your arm round him. Reassure him that you will stay and that he will soon be able to control his panic. Get him to do something such as sit down, lie down or come for a walk. If you know how to relax quickly try teaching him how to do it. Don’t get him to take a lot of deep breaths or he will get dizzy and feel more panicky. He might like you to massage his back and shoulders. When he calms down he will probably want to talk a lot. But if he is exhausted he may fall asleep.

‘I’m going to kill myself’

Take this seriously.

It is not true if a person talks about it he won’t do it. The majority of people who make suicide attempts do tell somebody before hand.

It is not true that people who make suicidal gestures never do kill themselves. Some of them do kill themselves. Even if they may have half-hoped they would be found. If they are unlucky they still end up dead.

Do they need hospital treatment?

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Here is a set of guide-lines that some doctors use.

a)     Someone with suicidal thoughts needs to be given a strong message of ‘Live!’ or ‘You don’t have to kill yourself. Don’t!’ The last thing he needs is to be given permission to do it by comments such as, ‘It’s your life’ – or ‘Well, that’s one of the options’.

b)    Will make a ‘contract’ (a bargain or promise) with him not to commit suicide? (Not with you, because in certain moods he may be tempted to get his own back on you.) What exactly will be promise himself? Not to do it ever? For at least a year? A month? A day? Help him to spell it out. ‘However much I may feel I want to kill myself I won’t do it, but instead I will… (Go to a hospital if necessary?’ Don’t leave it as ‘phone someone’, because there may be no answer – and he will then be tempted to say ‘Well, I did try but they weren’t there when I needed them so…’)

c)     If he won’t make a ‘contract’ with himself or a definite plan to get help then he almost certainly does need to go to a hospital.

You can help

Find a quiet place to talk. Try to find somewhere that’s safe from interruptions. Tell the other person how much time you’ve got to spend with him. Tell him that you’d like to try and help if you can. Then…

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Listen. This is the most important thing to do. Let the other person talk as much as needs to. Try to understand how he’s feeling. Try to work out what’s making him feel that way. Try to accept what he tells you. Don’t rush in with advice. Don’t tell him what he ought to feel. Only when you’ve got some idea of what’s happening in his terms can you start to think about what to do, so listen.

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Stay calm. If you can’t stay calm find someone else who can. If you are upset or agitated you won’t be able to listen and probably won’t help much.

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Follow your feelings. If you can start off calm – uncluttered by your own strong feelings – you should find that as you listen you do begin to build up strong feelings. Get in touch with what you feel. It’s the best guide to how someone else is feeling. If you’re feeling frightened, it’s likely the other person is too. If you feel confused, they may do too. In a way you have ‘caught their feelings and can now reflect them back. Tell them what you feel. Check if it’s an accurate picture of what’s happening to them. For example, ‘As you tell me this I’m feeling more and more depressed / angry / despairing. Is that how you feel about it?’ Or ‘You keep telling me about how good your partner is to you but as you go on, I’m beginning to feel angry. Maybe you feel angry about it too?’

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Respect the other person. Don’t pretend you can do what you can’t. If you can’t handle the situation find someone who can.