Living Alone in Darkness. Personal Account



Everyday I am struggling to be happy. All of my life I have that feeling that you friends are not aware of. I may appear gay in our meeting, in the public and in the world, but don’t you know that deep inside in me I am in the verge of breaking down. People do not easily get it, they may always advised me to be more religious .what if I’ll say to your family member who has a cancer  that there’s no need to go in the hospital anyways god will be there for us. Do you follow my advice? I do not think so. We have to do our part not just waiting for some miracle to happen. Borderline personality disorder is an emotional illness and also in your brain that affects your entire well being. Well, you do not get it cos you never know how it feels like to have this. I suffer this long time ago. I was not aware of it though I have this for years in my life not until two years ago when I searched myself because I know I am not normal like anyone of you.

What is worst is that I am fighting this battle alone without any support system from anyone. My family sucks.  This disease blurs my vision, interrupts my being, corrupts my thinking, distracts my dream, bars my way and holds my life. Can you imagine that? And then, living alone?

Sad thing too is that I am in the country where in there is no awareness of personality disorders, maybe not even heard of it. Only those in medical profession knows and maybe few individuals, yet the cases here in the phils? They do not know of that hence it is not a physical disease, maybe they are thinking it’s only in the book and cases from foreign countries..

I start seeing a psychiatrist and been on medications for few weeks now. I paid a lot of hardships before just to get ahead in life then all the way throughout there’s a barrier? Do you know the feeling that you are in the middle of your sanity wherein the insanity kicks in unknowingly, unexpectedly and anytime of the day? An insanity that is unbearable to endure, yet people do not have an idea for that.

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