Living with OCD

The tv show “Monk” features, as it’s lead character, a person suffering from OCD [Obsessive Compulsive Disorder]. While the show and Tony Shaloub, who plays Mr. Monk, get a lot of the quirks of OCD right, they are still off the mark sometimes.

OCD isn’t always fun and games. I have had it for as long as I can remember, to varying degrees. I didn’t know it was called “OCD” until a few years back. Up until then, I just thought I had some screws loose. And if you knew my family, you wouldn’t have been surprised. Hell, I wasn’t.

One of the things that I used to have to do was, every time I had a penny to place in the penny jar, I had to place this penny in my hand face up. Then flip it over to the other palm, face down. The back to the first hand, face up again. Then I could drop it into the jar.

Laughing yet? Concerned yet? And when I say I had to do this, I mean I HAD to do it. If I were to have dropped a penny into the jar without this routine, I… Well, I don’t know what would have happened. I always did it. Every time. One penny or twenty, it was the same routine.

There were other small, odd things I did. But when you begin to add them up, they can take up an inordinate amount of time. I can very easily understand people who become trapped as victims of their own brains. OCD is subtle and strange, but strong.

I am lucky. Once OCD started making headlines, I read up on it. This helped me A LOT. I realized I wasn’t just another nut off the family tree. This was something OTHER PEOPLE were dealing with. That was a breakthrough.

Many of the little “quirks” I had, I just stopped doing. This may seem like no big deal, but it was. And it still is. I can’t imagine how bad I would have ended up if I hadn’t have been able to jump that hurdle. I think I would have just gotten much worse over time.

Now, that isn’t to say I just read an article and OCD “vanished.” I still have it. Little things still need to be done “a certain way.” When I fold towels, for example, I make sure the tag is on the inside of the fold. (Doesn’t make sense? Welcome to OCD.)

But the difference now is that I am ok with the little things. I know why they are there, and if it got bad enough again, I know there are treatments and, worse case scenario, medications that could help. But I am so much better than before.

Herein lies the tricky part of OCD, though. Unchecked and running free, it can trample the life of the person suffering from it. And the lives of those close to the person suffering. I have seen some of those Discovery Channel shows with really bad OCD sufferers and their families. Not pretty. In fact, downright scary.

But, when it is under control, it can also serve as a tool for keeping yourself organized. For keeping a state of peace of mind. Laughing again? Seriously, my OCD keeps me on guard for little things, such as items out of place and askew. While this may seem trivial to most, and sometimes is annoying to my family I am sure, to me it helps make me more comfortable in my surroundings.

When things are messed up or disorganized, it makes me feel unsettled and out-of-sorts. So, keeping things in place and in order not only keeps my home clean and orderly, but it helps my brain to feel settled and relaxed.

Maybe this is just too weird to get across to a non-OCD person. Maybe the little things really don’t bug these “normal” people. Personally, I don’t see how that is possible, but that may be the OCD talking.