Self Esteem Issues

Once upon a time I know I was a happy girl.  I just know it! When I simply do not know but I do know I was at one point.  Once upon a time I was comfortable with who I was and didn’t feel the need to please everyone.  However my once upon a time has vanished and been replaced by someone who is scared and has no self esteem; no feeling of self worth.

How does this happen? How does someone who once had it all together start to unravel and fall apart?  Does it happen overnight? Poof! One morning you wake up a completely different person!  Actually I don’t believe that at all.  It couldn’t possibly be that simple.  I believe it happens because of years and years of abuse, not the kind that leaves bruises on the outside, but the kind that breaks you on the inside a little at a time.  And yet no one can see the scars so they have no idea how much you’re hurting.

So you go on and live your day to day, you grow up and move as far away and keep your distance.  Now that you are an adult they can’t hurt you anymore can they? Yes, they can. The old wounds keep opening and the hurts keep hurting.  Though you try your hardest to suppress them.  You spend years ignoring and not even speaking to them as you hope that it will make all the horrible parts of your past disappear.  But they can’t, they are embedded deep within you, only to arise as nightmares and things that pop into your head when you are feeling blue.

So what do you do about it? Well, for me, I have taken charge of my own happiness! I have vowed to never again let people push me down and make me feel worthless and if they try I will cast them aside as they do not deserve my time.  I refuse to be invisible and told that I don’t matter and I will remind myself whenever I need to that it isn’t true.  Self esteem is very important and no one should ever take it away from you.  I will fight to find mine again and I advise anyone who is hurting to do the same. 

~No one can take care of you but you!

~You cannot love anyone else unless you love yourself!