Sleep Patterns, Fussy Eating and Behavioral Problems: What’s The Connection?
As a mother of a child with ADHD, findings from recent research conducted in Europe confirmed that some of the familiar early behaviors that I witnessed may be indicators of further pre-school age behavioral issues. Many parents realize that something may be wrong, but do not know how to approach the situation.
New European research has allowed for more insight into conditions characterized by what has been termed “regulatory problems”. Regulatory problems manifest as trouble sleeping, feeding difficulties and excessive crying in babies older than 3 months. Conclusions drawn from this research supports the idea that children who express these difficulties are susceptible to develop behavioral problems. The most common of the behavioral complaints are poor self-control, and the inability to act appropriately in public, but there are a whole range of indicators.
This is a particularly interesting topic for those with children with ADHD or Conduct Disorder. Aside from the sleep issues and the years of figuring out what works and what doesn’t, the feeding difficulties, the tantrums that occurred in public places, the constant demand for attention, etc. The fact that my child (and thus myself too), were sleep deprived for 7 years was never considered a symptom, just that “something wasn’t quite right”, everyone I spoke to about it figured that it would simply sort itself out, eventually.
In my experience, mealtimes became the biggest burden because the situation progressed to something far worse than simply having a child that was being picky, or fussy. Children with ADHD seem to be drawn to the foods that will stimulate them further, food colorings, additives, and preservatives. All are chemicals that our ADHD children seek out. They find them in pop, candies, and processed food. Even switching to an organic diet didn’t fix the problem, especially when family members take it upon themselves to provide the “junk” when your child visits. Then there are the school offerings at lunch-time, unless your child takes a packed lunch, you just don’t know what they are eating. It’s simply impossible to monitor every morsel your child consumes, when we don’t inform everyone involved with our children what they can and cannot eat. It takes a learned parent to stay 2 steps ahead of their child, and information is power. If we seek out the triggers for ourselves, we can at least reduce some of the behavioral issues in our children.
All is not lost, if you’re 3 month old displaying some of these early signs, there is no guarantee that your child will develop behavior problems later on. We must not forget that behavior patterns are learned, and experts suggest that running to comfort a baby every time it wakes in the night might be sending the wrong message. Most babies wake several times but usually drift back off to sleep quickly.
While it is clear more research in this area needs to be conducted, I wish I knew 12 years ago how to manage some of the behaviors. For millions of bedraggled parents, fumbling in the darkness of not knowing, solutions came in the form of trial and error, personal research, patience and a whole lot of unconditional love for our children. In spite of the hard work, ADHD children should be celebrated. They are some of the smartest, funniest, people on the planet; they are creative, and a joy to be around. They deserve to be celebrated!
See also:
Park, A., (2011) Does Your Baby Cry at Night? It Could Signal Future Behavior Problems.
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Robert Moran 51 | May 3, 2011 | Reply
I too have a son and a daughter diagnosed with ADHD, I myself was tested and I had no signs of it, my wife or shall I say my ex-wife was diagnosed with Bi-polar, that right there answered so many questions about her behavior. She was always in mood changes, as though like a split personality, she would pick fights and argue all the time, she was always right, and never wrong, she wanted our children to act older than their ages as though she was in a hurry to get rid of them.
Close friends and family of ours noticed it, but she hid it from everyone else as though like I wrote earlier a different person, if that wasn’t enough for our children, she started having adulterous affairs, and again she blamed everyone else, that was enough I filed for divorce and got our children, and then I came across these articles saying what adultery can do to a child.
How Adultery Affects Children
Infidelity within a marriage can have devastating consequences. Adultery can create emotional trauma for entire families. If a child discovers a parent is cheating it can be detrimental to their relationship with that parent.
Adultery can affect children in the short term and long term. Some of the most common negative consequences of infidelity in a marriage on a child include:
Insecurity
If a parent is being unfaithful, a child can take that as the loss of a family member. They can begin to blame themselves for the separation of the family unit, feeling like they were unable to keep it whole. They can also become self conscience around others who are part of a united family unit.
Confusion of values
Parents are the primary role models for children. A cheating parent can change the values a child has learned within the household. Infidelity may become an acceptable practice in the mind of the child. This can affect the child’s future relationships and chances for a happy, successful marriage.
Anger
Upon finding out that one parent has cheated on the other, it is likely that the child will become angry and betrayed at the lying that is so often associated with infidelity. Anger can build against the cheating parent for his or her deception, but it can also develop against the parent who is a victim of infidelity. Sometimes they feel the loyal parent should have done something to prevent the affair. Lastly, they can feel self-anger, blaming themselves for not preventing the infidelity or feeling like they must have done something wrong to push the cheating parent away.
Bitterness
This is a very common feeling for the children of a cheating parent. They can feel bitter at the parents for causing this upset in the family structure. They can feel bitterness at the world in general for being unfair, knowing they do not deserve what is happening to them. They can also be bitter towards extended family or friends for being part of seemingly happy family units.
Adultery has at least two major impacts on the lives of the children of the adulterous parent.
• Cheats the children of their sense of security.
• Complicates the child’s future & creates life long scars.
Most clinicians will tell the impact of adultery on the children has been all but overlooked. But, interest is gradually growing (Annette Lawson Institute for Research on Women and Gender at Stanford University).
Research indicates children grow apprehensive and insecure as a result of behaviors demonstrated by adulterous parents.
There is a sudden inattentiveness as the adulterous parent focuses attention on someone outside the nucleus of the family.
uncertainty and anxiety develops as a result of parents pulling away to answer phone calls behind closed doors.
Absences from the family for purposes of a vague nature.
The child may exhibit any of the following characteristics of heightened anxiety.
1. clinging
2. bedwetting
3. thumb sucking
4. temper tantrums
5. fire setting
6. night terrors
It is interesting to note that the characteristics demonstrated by the child of an adulterous parent are extremely similar to those of a sexually abused child.
Children who grow up with a parent who had an adulterous relationship are less likely to be able to maintain adult monogamous relationships. They are also more likely to have higher divorce rates than the rest of the population. These children are more likely to become teen parents. These children are more likely to have difficulty at school. These children are more likely to have behavioral and psychological problems.
Robert Moran 51 | May 3, 2011 | Reply
I too have a son and a daughter diagnosed with ADHD, I myself was tested and I had no signs of it, my wife or shall I say my ex-wife was diagnosed with Bi-polar, that right there answered so many questions about her behavior. She was always in mood changes, as though like a split personality, she would pick fights and argue all the time, she was always right, and never wrong, she wanted our children to act older than their ages as though she was in a hurry to get rid of them.
Close friends and family of ours noticed it, but she hid it from everyone else as though like I wrote earlier a different person, if that wasn\’t enough for our children, she started having adulterous affairs, and again she blamed everyone else, that was enough I filed for divorce and got our children, and then I came across these articles saying what adultery can do to a child.
How Adultery Affects Children
Infidelity within a marriage can have devastating consequences. Adultery can create emotional trauma for entire families. If a child discovers a parent is cheating it can be detrimental to their relationship with that parent.
Adultery can affect children in the short term and long term. Some of the most common negative consequences of infidelity in a marriage on a child include:
Insecurity
If a parent is being unfaithful, a child can take that as the loss of a family member. They can begin to blame themselves for the separation of the family unit, feeling like they were unable to keep it whole. They can also become self conscience around others who are part of a united family unit.
Confusion of values
Parents are the primary role models for children. A cheating parent can change the values a child has learned within the household. Infidelity may become an acceptable practice in the mind of the child. This can affect the child’s future relationships and chances for a happy, successful marriage.
Anger
Upon finding out that one parent has cheated on the other, it is likely that the child will become angry and betrayed at the lying that is so often associated with infidelity. Anger can build against the cheating parent for his or her deception, but it can also develop against the parent who is a victim of infidelity. Sometimes they feel the loyal parent should have done something to prevent the affair. Lastly, they can feel self-anger, blaming themselves for not preventing the infidelity or feeling like they must have done something wrong to push the cheating parent away.
Bitterness
This is a very common feeling for the children of a cheating parent. They can feel bitter at the parents for causing this upset in the family structure. They can feel bitterness at the world in general for being unfair, knowing they do not deserve what is happening to them. They can also be bitter towards extended family or friends for being part of seemingly happy family units.
Adultery has at least two major impacts on the lives of the children of the adulterous parent.
• Cheats the children of their sense of security.
• Complicates the child\’s future & creates life long scars.
Most clinicians will tell the impact of adultery on the children has been all but overlooked. But, interest is gradually growing (Annette Lawson Institute for Research on Women and Gender at Stanford University).
Research indicates children grow apprehensive and insecure as a result of behaviors demonstrated by adulterous parents.
There is a sudden inattentiveness as the adulterous parent focuses attention on someone outside the nucleus of the family.
uncertainty and anxiety develops as a result of parents pulling away to answer phone calls behind closed doors.
Absences from the family for purposes of a vague nature.
The child may exhibit any of the following characteristics of heightened anxiety.
1. clinging
2. bedwetting
3. thumb sucking
4. temper tantrums
5. fire setting
6. night terrors
It is interesting to note that the characteristics demonstrated by the child of an adulterous parent are extremely similar to those of a sexually abused child.
Children who grow up with a parent who had an adulterous relationship are less likely to be able to maintain adult monogamous relationships. They are also more likely to have higher divorce rates than the rest of the population. These children are more likely to become teen parents. These children are more likely to have difficulty at school. These children are more likely to have behavioral and psychological problems.
Robert Moran 51 | May 3, 2011 | Reply
I too have a son and a daughter diagnosed with ADHD, I myself was tested and I had no signs of it, my wife or shall I say my ex-wife was diagnosed with Bi-polar, that right there answered so many questions about her behavior. She was always in mood changes, as though like a split personality, she would pick fights and argue all the time, she was always right, and never wrong, she wanted our children to act older than their ages as though she was in a hurry to get rid of them.
Close friends and family of ours noticed it, but she hid it from everyone else as though like I wrote earlier a different person, if that wasn\\\’t enough for our children, she started having adulterous affairs, and again she blamed everyone else, that was enough I filed for divorce and got our children, and then I came across these articles saying what adultery can do to a child.
Donnah Clark | May 3, 2011 | Reply
Thanks for your comments Robert. Yes, adultery does have a negative impact on a childs\’ psychological and emotional wellbeing. There is no doubt about that. That said, it sounds like you are better off out of this type of relationship, and you and the children will heal, as long as the children have at least one consistent, loving parent. Your ex and my ex certainly seem to share similar characteristics. Except he believed his adultery was acceptable since his intimate time with other women was online. When i left him for the last time – he accused me of the same thing. A classic case of projection and denial, defense mechanisms that people use to protect their self-esteem and an outright refusal to believe they were to blame for the situation.
Robert Moran 51 | May 6, 2011 | Reply
Thank you for the comment, adultery is bad indeed and is worst on a child’s well being, I have seen and read of many husbands abusive to their wives, and the reason why? they think it was acceptable when their fathers were abusive to their mothers.
So when a parent commits adultery could not the child too think it is acceptable, as they see a parent their roll model and mentor accepting it, that is where there is moral damage, its like the child being around parents that smoke or drink or hearing the parents cursing at a young age, that becomes part of the child’s vocabulary.
My son will never be that type of a man as I wasnt or could never be that type of man.
And my daughter could or would never be like her mother (my ex-wife), my daughter didn’t notice it until she was 16 of her mothers ways and acts, and then one day in tears she came to live with me, and I was happy to have her with me.
True my wife had male friends that she talked to and flirted with on-line, but that too me wasn’t adultery it was more like a romance novel or a soap opera, testing the waters, its like when a male reads a playboy magazine or even writing a false story to a forum, 9/10 of all Americans have some sort of sexual fantasy to dream and write and fantsize about, some call it a midlife crisis, and they never go further than a dream, but I forgave her for that, as the bible states by Jesus how many times will you forgive me, and Jesus says up to 7 times.
But I could not forgive her when she brought men in our home, when she shared our bed with other men, when my wife of 20 years kissed and held another man, thinking no one was their, but she didn’t realize our son was, tha is adultery.
Murder is not when you dream of murder, robbery is not robbery when you write of robbery, if we were judged by our peers by dreams and fantasies and our writings we would all be guilty.
And for myself marriage is a lifetime institute, it’s not a short roller coaster ride, it’s not waiting for something better to come along, it’s the molding and shaping and cultivating of two souls, each helping each other with their impurities, you don’t ever give up on your children or your family.
All projections are denial. And all denial results in projection. When I deny something within me, I make an image out of the world by seeing it as separate from me, as against me. For instance, if I don’t acknowledge my inability to be fully responsible for my own choices, and when someone is to suggest an idea that may seems to be in total opposite to what I choose, I am bound to see him as attacking or against me.
In another example, if I see someone as better than me, I am not seeing the comparison as a self-judgment I have made upon myself. I am continuously projecting out into the world what I am denying, by making the world my enemy. In other words when I judge others, irrelevant whether the judgment is a positive or negative comment, I am in truth, judging myself.