Most victims of abuse are robbed of their self esteem and stable mental health. Feelings of rejection and emotional pain can be processed before the point of a breakdown.
The consequences of domestic violence, such as physical injuries, depression and even death could be superficial when compared to the fall out cost of long term mental health treatment and management of its victims. The wounds of EMOTIONAL ABUSE run deeper than could ever be imagined. Unfortunately, domestic violence has caught the attention of both government and society as merely an escalating social problem. Emotional abuse is not always an occurrence between lovers, couples, parents and children, but also in office settings between highly ranked employees and their subordinates, among peer groups, or between a bully and the so called timid or fearful child. As a matter of fact, emotional abuse is possible wherever there is a positional authority acquired either by merit or social status. Until this problem is viewed as what it truly is; a crime, people have a right to protect themselves from abusers and all forms of abuse. Here are the ten ways to do so.
Be true to yourself.
Most people are not acquianted with who they really are. Honestly, if you do not know who you are, you will almost always fall prey to abuse. An identity problem or the lack of a positive one for that matter, makes you vunerable to manipulation and control . Some people refer to themselves as “easy as sunday morning”, meaning of course that they are flexible and not fussy. The idea that being flexible in relationships makes you more acceptable and loved is an errorneous one. To be open-minded enough to accept other people’s points of view is good, but clearly different from having an opinion of your own.
Spend time alone to know and love yourself.
Some people would rather spend all their time in the company of people than be alone. It is amazing how much people dread loneliness, yet one can be alone and not feel lonely. It is all about capturing alone moments as opportunities to get in touch with your inner self. Someone rightly said “your inner self is a treasure-house of all you will ever need in accomplishing your divine destiny”. Time spent alone is usually an incubation period for developing character definitions which become the solid foundation for your association with people, with whom you choose to form meaningful intimate relationships. You are not entitled to expect love from others when you are bankrupt about love and knowledge of self. You cannot give to other that which you do not have.
Build your character and values on a positive belief system.
Your belief systems (your self assessment, goals and dreams) form building blocks for your personal values and character. If you are passionate about certain things, you are likely to associate with people of like minds and stay connected to a community of people with like passions. A positive mental attitude not only defines who you are but preceeds you as your reputation, just as smoke announces a fire. A positive outlook to life speaks of an inner strength and boldness which may act as a sheild against potential emotional abuse.
Never be afraid to take a stand.
People who are prone to subtlety, with undefinable character traits are usually hiding under a heavy cloak of insecurity and low self esteem. When your stand on life’s issues is clear to all your friends and family, you do not only stand out, you earn the respect of others as one who is not a “push over”. As a respectable member of society, you are less likely to be intimidated into surrendering your will unto others against your best judgement.
Never apologize for decision actions that go wrong.
No matter how wise and careful you are as a person, it is only human to make mistakes sometimes. Learn to love yourself past your mistakes because there may be many more mistakes down the road for you to deal with. Avoid people who examine all the details of your mistakes not with an intent to provide constructive criticism, but to accuse you of being clumsy. Anyone who expects perfection from others has a critical spirit and could be manipulative. Deal with such people cautiously.
Never resist change.
Change is the essence of life. The circumstances of your life will always change. Any solidly made plans may change. Remember, if there was no change, there would be no butterflies. Those who resist change, or procrastinate the possibilities of change until they slip off the inevitable wheel of change, usually miss out on the beauty of what lies beyond their fears. You must realize that your relationships with people, just like other things in life, are for times and seasons and therefore subject to change. Understanding the fact that some people belong to certain times and seasons in your lives will do you much good. Recognize the times when your relationships are ripe for change and allow the smooth transition from one season into another. When you remain in a relationship that belongs in your past, you make yourself a candidate for abuse and manipulation.
Watch out for manipulators.
By their fruits you shall know them. The world is full of selfish people who care little about violating your space just to get ahead. They would do anything to help you change your mind, or decide on issues that will promote their own self interest rather than yours. They call it the game of life, but people who fall victim to such tactics call it emotional abuse Emotional abusers are more or less like clever salespersons who could sell a raincoat to a fish if it were possible. They are a persistent pain in the neck who would stop at nothing to sell you an idea. The others who are more subtle, are even more dangerous. These are the ones who would make outrageous demands of you in several ways, each time echoing their deepest concern and well meaning intentions for you to make the best choice possible.
Guard your heart and mind.
Your mind is the seat of your emotions. Whoever plays the so- called mind game with you is gunning for your sanity. The best way to guard your heart is obeying your gut feelings. This is that first instance “gut feeling”, just before you begin to rationalize things to excuse an action that already seems questionable. Whoever tries to win you over into trying out new things that you have already rejected, is simply trying to control you. It is always enough to watch other people enjoy doing something they love doing without being compelled to join in the fun. Whenever you have to do something out of compulsion to please someone else, even when it is good for your health, you are under manipulation. Being adventureous with your personal choices in life should be your call and yours alone, not by the persistent demand from someone else.That way you can always assume responsibility for the wrong choices you make.
Take charge of your emotions.
Expressing your emotions tactfully, whether it be anger, frustration, love or hate, is an amiable trait that speaks of a healthy character balance. If you seem incapable of self control, you become a target for potential abusers. If you have occasional outburst of anger and rage and later blame it on stress, be aware that life could be stressful at times. Our bodies have been divinely equipped to deal with stress. It is so much better to identify your stress triggers and eliminate them one at a time than excuse your lack of self control.
Embrace life’s interruptions.
Never question the sudden challenges that life throws at you , but embrace them instead. Things like the sudden death of a loved one, investment losses, accidents and the like, are part of the process of bringing your disorders under a divine order. Nothing happens by chance especially those things that appear to be interruptions. They come your way as constant reminders that you are not in total control of the cicumstances that affect you. When you embrace life’s interruptions you cooperate with the divine order of things that bring you closer to your destiny. This will in turn make you will better equipped to turn your disappointments into stepping stones.