The First Step to Getting Over Narcissistic Abuse

Is this the way you want to continue living for the rest of your life?
This is not what you truly desire. You are involved with an apparition of the man you thought the narcissist was. You are in love with a shell, an image. It is not real and the sooner you accept that the better off you will be. You need to face the music. The narcissist does not care about you therefore let him know that you care about yourself.

One of the finer points of getting over narcissistic abuse for victims is to accept the narcissist for who he is.  It involves understanding that what you are enamored with, is not real but a farce.  It is realizing that this man will never be your prince in shining armor. To be blunt he was never a prince, he pretended to be one so that he can get close to you.  It is accepting that this individual will not get better, he will get worst. His behavior will not improve. It is like dealing with an overgrown puerile child, he will sulk when he does not get his way, having bouts of violent vituperative outburst throughout your relationship. He will cease to idealize you and the devaluation becomes more frequent as he regains the control that he sought and ultimately decides to destroy you.

 You cannot be “too intelligent or trenchant “to resist narcissistic abuse, it is just that the more you are exposed to it the less of it you are willing to tolerate. For a while I wanted the narcissistic in my life, but the more I saw the monstrosity that lay beneath that handsome exterior, the more imperative it became that I did not want someone tearing down my self concept with expletives and obscenities whenever I do not comply with his biddings.  I realized that I did not need a relationship that was completely one sided. It was merely about pleasing the narcissist and exploiting one’s feelings. I wanted a more profound relationship, something concrete with a deeper level of connection and wholesome experience than what the narcissist is offering.

No one has to settle for the mediocrity that narcissist dishes out in a relationship. The key is discovering what it is that you truly need and having the courage to walk away and let go. It is saying to you that “I do not want to have a relationship with a sociopath. I would rather be alone than live in misery”.  The narcissist does not love you. He loves the control that he has over you. He enjoys the adulation that he receives from you. The narcissist is quick to accept compliments yet hesitant to grant even the slightest praise.  Narcissists get some sense of satisfaction from the numerous mind games that they play as a means of getting your thoughts and behaviors centered on them and abandoning the needs and desires of your own existence. The more games they play, the more you gravitate to find out what is ultimately the end result. The more you begin to loose yourself and become consumed by the narcissist.

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  1. Isn\’t that the truth. I just got dumped by my narcissists boyfriend…he dumps me each time their is an issue and I disagree with him. This is his way of teaching me a \”lesson\” as he calls it. I found out after four years that he was ACTUALLY cheating on me with many women. When I confronted him (I did have proof), he called me a stalker, dumped me and told me he would file a restraining order on me if I should even try to contact him! Unbelievable!

    It\’s been three days now and the abuse, lies and anguish have taken a toll on me. I know it will take some time but articles like this are a great motivator. Thank you.

  2. Sounds just like the guy I dated. He was always telling me he was teaching me a lesson too, as if I were a little kid that had to obey him. And this guy had several women on the side too. Did you finally get over your ex-boyfriend? How did you do it?

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