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The Imaginary Mind of Autism

I retreated to my home and my make-believe world as much as possible. Again, this was a much safer place—at least in my mind, although I don’t believe that the make-believe world is necessarily a good place for someone on the spectrum to stay in.

I would continue trying to get to know a girl I liked. Eventually, I would become frustrated because it just wasn’t going anywhere at all, and she wasn’t even really wanting to talk to me anymore. So I went to another guy whom I worked with and asked him how to get a girlfriend.

He told me that you had to go out and buy them some jewelry and flowers. He told me to get a diamond ring and about twenty dozen red roses and have them delivered to her in a class at school. He seemed very genuine and like he was being honest and really wanted to help me. I never even thought twice about it because he was always talking to girls and seemed cool. So I took his advice and immediately went shopping for a diamond ring. Since I was still working at the steakhouse and making a pretty good chunk of money, I was able to open a line of credit at a local jewelry store. The ring that the gentleman at the counter helped me pick out came to around $750 on sale. It looked like a big ring, but I’d told the gentleman my friend said to get a diamond ring for her, and that’s what he gave me. I then went to the flower shop and ordered her twenty dozen red roses.

I had the ring and the red roses delivered to her at school in her world changers class. I wasn’t there, so I have no idea how this went down in the classroom, but knowing what I know now, I can only guess that it didn’t go well at all. In fact, I never heard from that girl again, and when I saw her, it looked like she was trying to get as far away from me as she could. I couldn’t understand why girls reacted like this when I was trying to be nice to them and get them something that they liked. I didn’t get it, and I still don’t.

After that whole situation went down with her, I immediately felt rejected and embarrassed again. There was something wrong with me. I knew there was. I went through the whole cycle that I’d always go through when I would get rejected. I thought, I am a stupid, worthless piece of trash. I was really hard on myself every time I did something wrong and messed up. I didn’t know what it was that I was doing wrong, but by the way people were reacting, it was really bad. I didn’t belong here. I belonged on a different planet or something.

I retreated to my home and my make-believe world as much as possible. Again, this was a much safer place—at least in my mind, although I don’t believe that the make-believe world is necessarily a good place for someone on the spectrum to stay in. I kind of gave up hope on girls for a while except for my imaginary friend, Cameron Diaz.

I struggled with being able to get motivated to do things. I would go through one of the most difficult summers in my life that coming summer. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. All I knew was that I was always tired out and didn’t want to get out of bed in the mornings and couldn’t sleep at night. That summer was spent pretty much by myself, as I would go to work and then come home and watch television and play trombone. I didn’t try to socialize outside of going to work. There was no socializing for me at work, as I was beginning to feel taken advantage of by management and other employees, so I kind of just wanted to keep to myself while I was there. For more information on autism visit http://www.travisbreedingautism.com/

For related articles visit  http://healthmad.com/mental-health/the-autism-tour/

or http://www.triond.com/users/breete01

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