Why Aspergers Syndrome?

For the past seven years I’ve struggled with Asperger’s Syndrome.

I woke up this morning, tired and groggy. It’s hard to wake up in the mornings.  I have a syndrome called Asperger’s Syndrome. This syndrome causes my social interactions with people to be different.  Imagine, for a moment, that you have a condition or a syndrome where just the idea of you stepping out of your house and heading to school or to work can hurt other people.

Just pretend that someone with a broken arm could do this.  A broken arm is nothing too out of the ordinary. It’s something that happens.  We don’t think anything of it when we see someone with an arm in a sling. 

For the past 7 years I’ve struggled with Asperger’s Syndrome.  People want you to just accept it. But yet I find it quite strange that some of the same people that say to accept it and be happy with it our the people that I hurt because I am different and they often abandon me for their other peer friends.

It’s hard to wake up, sometimes I want to sleep all day because once I am awake and trying to function in the world, there is constant social rejection and criticism.  This leads to loneliness and depression.  Yes, sometimes I often wish God would take my life and take me home to a better place. Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome can be tragic for some people. I’m not at all saying this is always the case. But in my situation I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 22.  Ideally people on the autism spectrum are diagnosed before the age of 8 and immediately start getting early intervention.  There’s a sense of urgency at that age.  However, as I’ve learned that sense of urgency is not there because I’m an adult.  I’ve applied for the state of Indiana’s Medicaid Waivers. There’s an autism waiver, a developmental disability waiver, and a support services waiver.  I have been approved and I was excited because I applied when I was 24.  There is a clause from medicaid that says when you get apply before your 25th birthday you automatically qualify to bypass the waiting list.  There’s a 10 year wait list for people to get on the Autism Waiver.  

I’ve made several attempts at contacting appropriate people in the state of Indiana to find out why this isn’t the case for me and I have received no answer over the past 2 or 3 weeks.  It seems as if they don’t care about me at medicaid and want me to just die.  Just like my peers who think I am socially stupid and dumb and don’t really want to be my best friend.  I’m not sure why someone who got diagnosed at the age of 10 years old can now already be on the Autism waiver because their wait is up and for me someone who sadly wasn’t diagnosed until age 22 I’m on a 10 year waiting list. I’m 25 now.  By the time I reach 35 everything that I wanted in my life socially will already have passed me by.  I’ve already missed out on a normal teenager social life. I was really excited and hoping that I was going to get to experience the last few years of my 20’s as being somewhat normal. In order to do this I’d need 20-30 hours of ABA and Social Skills training and classes all of which are expensive and covered by the Indiana Waivers.  I will miss out on so much because I have to be on a 10 year wait list it is sad.  I cry sometimes over all the rejection and when you think finally someone is on your side I find out that Medicaid wants to reject me like all of the peer group.  I feel sad, frustrated, and defeated.  The positive options in life seem to keep disappearing and more negative things keep happening. Asperger’s can be tragic and is for me.  I will write more on this at a later date.

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