The weight diary

As The door opened she handed me the half of a peanut butter sandwich and waited as I took a bite. As she was closing the door I took another. Then I quickly rolled over and both bites came back up into the garbage can. Out of the corner of my teary eye, I saw my diary and pulled it onto the bed…..

November 2, 2007

Almost a year, and only two weeks out of the clinic. How could this have happened, how could I let it control my life, and all of my thoughts. My life, a yo-yo for almost a year and for what. For what, just a dream, ONE dream……..

November 21, 2006

Lets just get one thing straight, I’m only doing this because the health advisor for “fashion bod” magazine told me to. The artical says everyone who wants to lose weight and is having trouble should keep a diary of everying there thinking about, and there weight. Okay My name is Melissa and I weigh 160 lbs!! Wow I sound like I’m at an “AA” meeting…. well lets get back on track, okay this will be my FIT diary for the next 4 months, at least, with one entry each week, bla bla bla. I’m really not to good at this stuff.

I’m 5 feet 9 inches and most of my wight comes from my stomach. I dont like the way I look and always feel like people are looking at me. When somone is whispering and then they laugh I pull down my shirt and make sure my stomach is covered. Everyone I know tells me I’m not fat, but thats because they love me and want whats best for me. If people would just tell me, and then try to run or jog with me it would help much more. Im a high school student and it’s my senior year. I wanted to be a model all my life and just looking in the mirror I can see my dreams going down the drain. Not that I couldn’t change them or something if i keep getting fatter, but I would love to get the great guys and lots of money and cars whenever I want them, and I will with this.

Lets see whats next on the list… oh, now onto my goals. I want to weigh 110 lbs and have the perfect skin and lots of nice outfits to wear to my photo shoot for my modeling portfolio. Thats only fifty lbs in 4 months I can do it with or without help. My mother dosen’t think I should lose any weight, she says I’m healthy. She may think I look good but I don’t think I do, and what counts is what I think. I started running, and I can run 2 miles each day, thats my morning exersise. Every evening I do one hundred sit-ups and then run in place for twenty minutes. I have dry wheat toast or another carbohydate for breakfast each day and lunch is usually a salad with fat free dressing and maybe some fruit with it. Dinner is where it kills me, I have to eat what my mother prepares, and I have to eat with my family. It’s a rule. You would think that by now a seventeen year old could decide when she wants and what she wants to eat for dinner. My mom always prepares lots of potatos, and butter on everything, im lucky im not 300 lbs. So thats one of my gaols, to control what I’m eating for my meals.

There isn’t to much stress in my life, I have to worry about some stuff for school, like homework and stuff, but other than that the only thing I really worry about is my weight. I have had a few boyfriends but I don’t have one right now, I have been doing a lot of work for my photo shoot. My mom payed to get it done and it cost like five hundred dollars, and stuff like outfits were not even included. So she made me get a part time job working at the market down the street. All I do is sweep the floors and pick up around the place when its open. It’s a good job and the pay helps me buy outfits so I dont mind. The date of the shoot is January 15th so its not that far away. Thats the reason I want to look so good for it. I have a lot to do this week like get my hair cut and look for great styles and try them out, Shop for bags and glasses. Ya know stuff that will add that extra flare to my photos. Also stick to my goals of losing weight and looking great. Before I know it I will have my own tv commercial, and all over a diary. I hope this is what helps me lose the weight and get the jobs that I want. So thats whats going on in Melissa’s life this week. I’ll write again in one week!

November, 28

This week sucked I hate holidays. Thanksgiving was this past week and I completly forgot. When people say that it’s hard to diet during the holidays, threre not joking. My mom was yelling and kept handing a spoon of this or that, right at me or into my mouth before I could say no. Try this Melissa, how does this taste, is it to strong or not strong enough. Boy I could have killed someone. This is the only time I had no control over what I ate. She fed me tons of turkey, stuffing, potatos, and corn. Not to mention the apple pie I just had to try. She said I was looking thin and when I smiled and replyed thank you, I realized it was oviously the wrong answer. She put her hands on her hips and kinda grouled at me. Hey what are mothers for.

This is the only time I see the rest of the family. My uncle Nick and his son Jeff. My grandma and grandpa Clark and of course my mother and I. It’s not a big family. My dad left when I was a baby so I don’t even remember him, and My mom was to busy with her job and me for another husband. I guess some people are okay with just having there life be the same all the time and not doing anything exciting.

Grandma and grandpa brought me chocolates, yes these are my worst enemy and I just love them but I tossed them straight into the garbage, after they left the room. My mother got mad when I told her I needed to run after we’re finished eating. She pulled me aside and gave me this speech about company and how I should be nice and treat myself to a little something every now and then. After the “talk” she wanted me to just sit on the couch and watch the football game with them. So I did the best I could. It’s okay because I went to the bathroom within the first ten minutes and stuffed my finger down to the deepest spot in my mouth I could reach. It tasted so bad but felt so nice to know that all that weight wouldn’t be added to my waist. I know it was wrong and I haven’t done it since but I will admit that each time I eat I wish that I could just do it again. I promised myself that I wouldn’t, and so I won’t.

Other than that I have done really good and I’m still running and doing my sit-ups, so I weighed myself this morning and I lost ten lbs. I didn’t tell my mom she thinks that if you lose more than a pound a day its not good for you. I think it’s a good thing because I feel better than ever. I don’t look like I lost ten lbs but I still feel very good. Okay, I”ll post again in one week.