Weight Loss – Science Vs. Myth

I believe that I am well qualified to write about weight loss and gain, especially the gain part. (gain, and regain, lose a little, gain a whole bunch more.) Over the past 30 years, I have gained 175 pounds and lost 90. I’m sure that some of you can relate. I think that some of you have lost weight and sent it to me. Stop that.

Myth #1: Weight loss or gain is mathematical

Does reducing your food intake by xn calories, increasing your activity level by y% really result in losing z pounds? I never could understand algebra. For me, “Z” always stands for “zero”. My experience has been that if I gain 20 pounds, I go up 4 dress sizes. That seems reasonable – 5 pounds per size. But then if I lose 20 pounds, I go down 1 dress size, if any. That doesn’t seem mathematical at all. It’s not even fair! If there is any law that can calculate weight loss to dress size, I am convinced that it is Murphy’s Law.

Myth #2: Purging your wardrobe of everything that is too small will result in a dramatic weight loss

My experience has confirmed this myth. After baby #1, I was convinced I could never lose the baby weight, so I ruthlessly purged my closet and even bought all new shoes 1 size bigger. A few months later I was back at pre-pregnancy weight and all my new shoes were falling off. Murphy’s Law wins again!

Myth #3: Gravity is a real downer

Here’s another myth that my experiences have confirmed as fact. After baby #2, I got diligent about my fitness routine, and lost all of the baby weight plus 20 pounds. That took me down to 5 pounds less than I was when I got married, so I decided to try on my wedding dress. Bad decision. I was able to do up the zipper, but the dress that fit me perfectly 8 years previous was now rather empty at the top and embarrassingly full at the bottom. Gravity works. It is just very unkind to women.

Myth #4: Buying clothing one size too small can provide enough incentive to lose 10 pounds

Ever try to make this one work: you see a dress or a pair of jeans you really like, but the price tag makes your wallet gag. So you wait patiently until the end of the season when it goes on sale, only to find out that your size is sold out again (because all of the real sizes have been bought by real women). So you think to yourself: “Self, you and I are going on a diet, starting tomorrow. We’ll buy this dress today, and in a couple of months, it will fit!” Thinking that gouging this money out of your savings for something you can’t use will give you incentive to lose the weight just never works. Chalk one more up for Murphy’s Law. I’ve heard it said that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over, but expect a different result this time. None of those clothes that I bought even though they were too small have ever made it onto my body.

Disclaimer: I am neither a scientist nor a mathematician. The preceding statements are solely a figment of my experiences. You should never try my advice at home.