Hysterectomy

It all began with an abnormal menstrual period. I thought that maybe since I was getting older, I was heading into menopause already. I had turned 37 and it wasn’t too uncommon for someone at that age to be pre-menopausal. My husband and I had four children between us (I had three children when we met then we had one together) so not having more children was not a big deal. Or so I thought.

My first reaction was to do “research” about menopause by talking to my family and friends who had gone through the experience, going onto the internet to look up things. My husband proceeded to bug me in seeing my old OB-GYN for a check up but I told him that I needed to wait because we were so busy at work opening up a new office for the company I worked for in another city. I needed to have that office up and running before I could do anything else. I had no time to get to the doctor’s office since I was traveling so much. Maybe the abnormal period was from all of the stress from trying to get the new office in order. Things could wait until the new office was staffed and settled. This was the beginning of summer 2006.

I waited until the end of summer to see a new OB-GYN that had just opened up in town. I figured that it would be easier to get in to see him because he probably had less patients than my previous OB-GYN. As I had predicted, I got an appointment very easily. I explained what my problems were, had my exam, was told a list of options that we could try before considering a hysterectomy and was put on a low dosage birth control pill to see if that would regulate the abnormal bleeding. I was also sent in to the hospital to have an ultrasound done. After a couple of weeks on the birth control pills, the bleeding had not stopped.

In fact, it had subsided for a couple of days then came back with a vengeance. I was using “overnighter” pads all the time by then. Not just one but up to four at a time and still needed to change every hour. I called my new OB-GYN and told him that I was still bleeding badly. I was told to take another dosage of birth control pills. That didn’t help either. I ended up in the emergency room one morning because it was just too scary. I worked at the hospital so a friend of mine who is a doctor came in to see me when he heard that I was in there. We talked about what was going on with me. He looked back and forth between my husband and me as he asked if we thought we were done having children already and how we’d feel about me getting a hysterectomy.

I felt as if he were trying to tell us that it would be best for us if I had a hysterectomy. I told him that I would think about it. The next day, I made an appointment with my old OB-GYN and got in very easily. Since he had delivered two of our children, I knew everyone in the office quite well, so it was more of a “reunion” for us. His head nurse (also his wife) asked me why I hadn’t gone back to the new OB-GYN and I explained that I wasn’t satisfied with things there. She just laughed and told me that we all liked to try new things. I had my exam and then had a chance to sit down with the doctor to discuss our options. I told him that I flat out wanted a hysterectomy because the birth control pills didn’t work and I was not going to try other options only to have them fail as well then end up having the hysterectomy anyhow. He told me that he was very impressed that I made that decision and that I was so determined to have the procedure done. He was also impressed that I had done so much research on all of the options that were available.

We decided that we would try to keep my ovaries if at all possible so that I wouldn’t be “forced” into early menopause. Then, I signed a sheet waiving all other options and agreeing to the hysterectomy. A couple of weeks later, I was checking in to the short stay surgery area for my procedure. My doctor friend was extremely happy that I decided to have it done. Ironically, the new OB-GYN that I had seen ended up assisting my old OB-GYN with the entire procedure.

Recovering from the procedure was no fun at all. I was determined to get back home so I forced myself to walk as much as I could and tried using as little morphine as possible in the hospital.

I’d had an emergency cesarean section in 2004 to deliver our daughter so I was kind of healing from that still when he used the same area to go in through for the procedure. My doctor told me that he was able to keep my ovaries because they looked fine but everything else was gone so I had a total hysterectomy. I spent about 4 days total in the hospital. My husband took me home in his car that afternoon. It was painful as heck throughout the 45 minute drive from my mom’s house to our house. I cried all the way home, holding a pillow in front of me, wishing the painkillers that I had taken before we left would kick in quicker.

I would be out of work for a total of eight weeks but I still helped the two offices when I could through e-mail and the phone because I was in charge of both locations. Not being able to drive was the worst. I tried one day and totally regretted it at the end of that day. I thought I would be able to handle driving my 5 speed manual car, told my husband that I would be fine but I was so wrong and paid for it that night. I couldn’t carry a lot of weight so that limited me on chores at home. Not to mention that I couldn’t carry our littlest one or change her. I kept telling myself that I’d made the right decision and needed to take it easy. But that was easier said than done. I’d found a terrific website just before my surgery called
hystersisters
so I spent a lot of time on there. They offered a support network that I needed more than I expected that I would. I could ask questions, read about other women in the same boat as me, find links to other information that I needed, even got get well e-cards from them. All for free, it was wonderful. I had someone to vent to since I was alone most of the time. Then it hit me finally that I wouldn’t be able to have anymore children. My husband and I only had one child together.

Even though I knew in my heart that he loves all of our children the same and that we couldn’t really afford to have more children, it just left me feeling kind of empty. I felt like I wasn’t good enough for him because I wasn’t a “whole” woman anymore. He reassured me that it didn’t matter, he was with me because he loved me. It was tough. Sex isn’t the same anymore but I try my best to be ready when he is. We knew that it wouldn’t be the same. It was scary the first time we tired after the surgery. It took awhile before we figured out what works best for us. We do whatever works for us, use a lot of lubrication and keep on loving each other like we did before.

A short time after the surgery, I went to see the doctor for a checkup. As I was signing in, I noticed that my pathology results had come in from the lab. I glanced at it real quick and noticed a word that I didn’t know the meaning of. It all turns out that I’d had cancer starting already on my cervix. Had I gotten pregnant again it would’ve grown quickly because of the hormones and so on. It was a tough thing to hear. I tried to tune it out actually. But, I was very glad that I had the procedure done instead of trying one thing after another. Had I not decided to have it done, I probably wouldn’t be here right now. I also later learned that my cousin’s daughter had cervical cancer when she was pregnant, needed to have chemotheraphy and ended up with a child born with a birth defect. I believe that somewhere in our family, we could’ve inherited this somewhere on my mother’s side of the family but I don’t know for sure.

I still feel that empty feeling once in awhile. Especially when my husband’s sister and one of his cousins got pregnant recently. But, I know that I made the right choice. So when one of his other cousins started telling me that she was having symptoms like I did, I told her to get a good OB-GYN and talk to the doctor about what she wanted to do. She’s fine but there’s always that chance. I told her flat out that it’s not a chance we want to take especially since we have children and loving husbands. She agreed and thanked me for bugging her so much to get to the doctor. Now, I tell any woman that will listen about my hysterectomy. It’s not always a choice that you want to make but sometimes it needs to be done. Talk to your doctor. If you think that you need another opinion, go to another doctor.

Listen to all of your options and research each one carefully. I looked at all of my options over and over again before making my decision even though I knew that a hysterectomy was the best option for me. Talk to your partner openly and honestly about how you feel. Last of all, if you have the procedure done, don’t ever think that you are any less of a woman because part of you is gone. There are a lot of women out there that have had the procedure done. Rest assured that you are not the only one who felt that way. It’s the beginning of a whole new chapter in your life. You may still wander to the pads and tampons aisle in the store out of habit, like I’ve done a lot of times but just think of all the money you’ll save now and all the white clothes you wear only when you are 100% sure you won’t be having your period!! Just kidding. It is true though.