Addicted to Studying, It Kills!

An account of my experience with being addicted to getting good grades and how it ruined my self esteem and my social life.

It was close to the end of the second semester freshman year in high school and I began to look at colleges I interested in through a website called Naviance. This website compares your current grade point average to the grade point average that is needed to be accepted to a certain college. At the time my grade point average was about a 93%. I searched through the website and all of the big name colleges that I had hoped to go to since a young age, such as Notre Dame and Georgetown, were way out of my range of acceptance according to my grade point average. Throughout freshman year I had worked hard in school but I always hung out with friends during free periods and I wasn’t to worried if I got a grade below a 85%. Once I saw my grade point average had to greatly increase for a better chance of getting into the colleges of my dreams I began to work a lot harder. At the beginning of sophomore year I was going to bed in the A.M’s due to the great amount of work I was doing for school. This was the first time I had to stay up late in my life to finish schoolwork. At the beginning of the year I had a friend group who I hung out with every weekend. But as the weeks went on and the stress built up I started to push away my friends and soon after that I started to spend my free periods studying and doing school work alone. My grade point average through the first quarter was a 97% the highest it had ever been to this point. Once I got that quarter’s report card I got hooked on getting good grades. But as my grades increased throughout the year my self esteem and my social life dramatically decreased. I began to whip myself with a leather belt and I began to cut myself. At first I only did these things when I did not do well on a test but as they year went on I just started to have the urge to hurt myself. Many times I have contemplated suicide but each time I have stopped myself by thinking “all the work you have put into school would be wasted.” I did not stop myself because I saw the good in life or because of my supporting family or friends but because I cared more about my grade point average more than anything else in the world. As of right now my grade point average is a 99% and I recognize that I have a problem because my parents have told me on multiple occasions throughout this year to “stop studying”, yes you read that correctly to stop studying! Although I recognize that it is a problem I can’t stop the urge to get good grades. Good grades to me are like a cigarette for a smoker, I can’t live without them. Somehow I am addicted to studying and getting good grades and this addiction like many other types of addictions has lead to many negative affects. I hope you can stop yourself and get help before you get addicted to getting good grades because your grade point average does not determine the type of person you are, but for me it’s everything.

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