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Five Year Olds Wanting to Die: Is It Cowardly?

I just go on a little rant about my thoughts on depression and whatnot since I use to suffer from it.

I’m twenty two years old and can honestly say I’ve been through some tough times in my life.

I know you old timers are thinking, “Tough times? What could a girl in her early twenties go through in her life that was so tough?”

What people don’t understand now is that depression can affect anyone of any age. I have a twitter account that I frequently use to reach out to people who are struggling with the demons in their heads. The youngest I have seen suffering from depression is a nine year old boy.

Nine years old? There’s something wrong with a nine year old wanting to take their life. What’s even more disturbing? I have “met” people through twitter who can remember being depressed and wanting to die as far back as when they were five years old.

FIVE YEARS OLD.

Why in the world would a five year old want to end their life? My God, their life has barely begun. I stretch the word barely because it’s true; a five year old wanting to die? Who would have ever heard of such a thing? I literally almost rolled off my couch when I saw this on twitter.

Talking to my parents throughout the years, they have referred to people who take their lives as “cowardly.” Well then I must have been a real coward because, I too, wanted to die at one point in my life. I prayed to God that I would not wake up in the morning; I regretfully was sad every morning I had woken up.

Why I say regretfully? Because I thank God every day that I wake up; I can’t believe at one point in my life I wanted to die. It honestly sends shivers down my spine when I think about how at one point I loved the way the blade felt being dragged across my skin, how seeing crimson comforted me. It makes me ill in a way, but it also reminds me that I’m a stronger person than I was years ago.

I admit to people that my depression started around August of 2009, but I believe that I started showing signs of it as far back as the beginning of middle school. I was afraid to admit to my parents years later what I had been feeling because of the things they have said about people feeling depressed.

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