Maybe you want to start calling your penis something else, something with a bit more personality. Or maybe you just want to know some hilarious nicknames to have a good laugh. Let’s be honest, we’re all obsessed with our own and our partner’s genitalia - that’s just a part of life.
Think about all the jokes based on penises, what we draw when we’re bored, and how important the penis is to all men. Naturally, with this much love towards the penis, it only makes sense that it has a couple nicknames as well.
Now, you don’t have to try to make up your own nickname for it, of course, you can, but many people before you have come up with creative and daring nicknames for the penis. You just need to figure out which one you like the best.
The beginning of time nicknames for penises
If you thought penis nicknames only started in recent years, think again. In fact, nicknames for penises can date back as far as the 13th century. Yeah, I know, that was a long time ago. Yet, some of the names they came up with are literary classics that should be respected and used to this day. Not sure what I’m talking about? That’s fine, cause I’m going to show you now.
1. Dick - this slang dates back to 1836 and was usually used in a rude way to describe a mean man.
2. Pin - this slang word dates back to 1460. It doesn’t sound so pleasant though.
3. Knick-knack - this was used to describe a useless and unnecessary object. So…
4. Doodle - Does this have anything to do with Yankee Doodle? I guess he had quite the penis.
5. Plumtree shaker - well, a ‘plum’ actually refers to a females vagina. But plum shaker…if you get me…means the plum needs shaking…and the shaker is the penis…
6. Bollocks - if you’ve been in England, you’ve heard this word used very casually in conversation. It first showed up in 1300 AD.
7. Pulling prick - doesn’t sound fun, obviously, this was from the Middle Ages.
8. Spindle - coming from the Middle Ages, it was a dark period for penis nicknames.
9. Silent flute - Ah yes, the silent flute. This slang word originated from 1720 - not a bad one, eh?
10. Fiddle - from the Middle Ages, it has a pretty nice ring to it, right?
Renaissance nicknames for a penis
Maybe you’re a fan of the renaissance period and if so, then it’s about time you appreciated some of these historic nicknames for the penis.
11. Abraham - the biblical patriarch.
12. Baby-maker - well, they’re not wrong.
13. Beard-splitter - do vaginas have beards?
14. Cutlass - a tool that sailors used.
15. Diddle - so many things to rhyme with.
16. Bush-whacker - ain’t got no time for weeds.
17. Langolee - okay…
18. Customs officer - it needs to check underneath the hood.
19. Pee-Wee - like…Pee-Wee Herman?
20. Enemy - sounds a little too Terminator for me.
21. Manroot - accurate.
22. Milkman - it’s always the milkman.
23. Jacob - why Jacob?
24. Cranny hunter - ah yes, the hunter of crevasses.
25. Skyscraper - someone got a little cocky there.
26. Arse-opener - getting real literal there.
27. Dr. Johnson - classic.
28. Beast leg of three - intense.
29. Merrymaker - it does make for merry times.
30. Flapdoodle - hmmm…
31. Life preserver - just in case you need help floating.
32. Diddle - double hmm…
33. Leather-dresser - I didn’t know they wore leather!
34. Bum-tickler - that’s cute.
35. Foreman - knows how to use the main muscle.
36. Nebuchadnezzar - the ancient king of Babylonia.
37. Live rabbit - you know the old saying…
38. Mole - what?
39. Little davy - cute.
40. Love staff - that’s pretty romantic, no?
41. Butcher - that’s traumatizing.
42. Cuckoo - because it too also pokes its head out.
43. Meat skewer - hopefully, she’s not vegetarian.
44. Lodger - does this have something to do with timber?
45. Dingus - also can be used as an insult to someone.
46. Eye-opener - back in the day, it must have been quite a sight.
47. Lullaby - puts the pussy to sleep. Za-zing!
48. Fornicating member - that sounds unfriendly.
49. Crown jewels - it also includes the balls, no one is left out.
50. King Arthur - why not.
51. Fornicating tool - that sounds painful.
52. Nimrod - you can also use this to describe someone
53. Master of ceremonies - so serious.
54. Tickle faggot - I’d watch where I’d say this one.
55. Dolly - Oh, playing around with gender, I dig it.
56. Concern - I don’t know if that’s a name you want your penis to have.
57. St. Peter - may we all pray to him.
58. Nippy - when it’s nippy outside, it shrinks.
59. Flapper - in the wind?
Classic penis nicknames
But we can’t forget about the classics! Before we continue onwards, we need to mention the classics. These are some of the most beloved penis nicknames, ones that people all around the world use and still use to this day. How can we forget about them? The answer is, we can’t, we just can’t.
61. Prick - a vulgar way (back in the day) to call a penis.
62. Lad - a lad is a young man, so, I guess that works.
63. Cock - it’s been around for so long, that Englishman back in the day were using this slang for penis.
64. Manhood - the nicest way to call your penis.
65. Knob - known as a lump or ball but also known as a penis.
66. Rod - like a fishing rod.
67. Membrum virile - It’s Latin and an academic way to describe the penis.
68. Tadger - a Glasgow slang for the word penis. Also used in Australia.
69. Love muscle - well, I’m sure you can figure this one out on your own.
70. Pud - classic word for penis.
71. Length - getting right to it, eh?
72. Phallus - the classic word for a penis.
73. Jimmy - he must be a nice guy.
74. Yard - it’s not that long.
75. Langer - an Irish slang for a fool or idiot. But, also for penis.
76. Member - like a member of the crown jewels.
77. Shaft - a part of the penis.
Funny nicknames for the penis
Sometimes you just want to call your penis something hilarious. All you want is a good laugh. Well, if some of the other names haven’t made you laugh then these certainly will. Or they’ll just traumatize you, either way, you’ll have a lasting memory of them. Now, these don’t need a description - it’s pretty obvious. You’ll see exactly what I mean.
78. Sex Pistol
79. Long dong silver
80. Moby Dick
81. Prince of the Netherlands
82. The blue-veined aristocrat
83. Jurassic Pork
84. King Dong
85. Lord Hardwick
86. Cave hunter
87. Lap Rocket
88. Woody Womb Pecker
89. Tiny Tim
90. The Willy Wonka
91. Puff the one-eyed dragon
92. Atomic turtle
93. Clam hammer
94. Purple helmet warrior of love
95. Dora the explorer
96. Womb Raider
98. Richard and the twins
100. Pleasure Pump
101. Justin-in beaver
103. Action Jackson
104. The Dictator
105. Tuna torpedo
106. Womb broom
107. One-eyed trouser trout
108. Yogurt slinger
109. Herman von longschlongenstein
110. Energizer bunny
111. Uncle Reamus
112. One-eyed monster
113. Mutton dagger
115. Frank ‘n’ beans
116. Meat scepter
117. Russell the one-eyed muscle
118. The bone ranger
119. Spam javelin
120. Vagina miner
121. Weapon of Ass Destruction
122. Heat seeking moisture missile
123. Tan Banana
124. Vlad the Impaler
125. Disco stick
126. Wedding wrecker
127. Fuck puppet
128. Trouser Snake
International nicknames for the penis
Now, maybe none of the English nicknames for the penis really struck you as something you could call a penis. But English-speaking countries aren’t the only places which thought up of words to call the penis. In fact, there are many slang words for the penis that are in a variety of different languages. Let’s take a look at some of them.
129. Lao Er - Mandarin slang for ‘penis’.
130. Skaufi - is slang for ‘penis’ in Icelandic.
131. Piel - Afrikaans slang for ‘penis’.
132. Isin lulik - in Tetun/East Timor, this means ‘magic’.
133. Zayyin - this is the key word for puns in Hebrew as it’s pronounced in the same way as ‘Zion’.
134. Chin-Chin - Japanese slang for ‘penis’. But it’s pretty cute when you say it out loud.
135. Ptak a vejce - also known in Czech as ‘the birds and eggs’.
136. Spaetzle - a cute German word which means noodles.
137. Pica - Brazilian slang for ‘penis’.
138. Petter-Niklas - Swedish slang for ‘penis’. Sounds a little too close to Saint Nicolas - Merry Christmas?
139. Pinto - I wouldn’t use this one too often. It means small penis.
140. Brocos - Nigerian slang for ‘penis’.
141. Mulkku - Finnish slang for ‘penis’. But doesn’t really give off a penis vibe.
142. Boga - the Bengali slang for ‘penis’.
143. Lu - short and sweet and to the point. This is the Shanghainese slang for ‘penis’.
144. Zip - also another short and sweet word. The Sudanese use this as slang for ‘penis’.
145. Cazzo - Of course, it’s Italian slang for ‘penis’.
146. Quadibun - a little more intense than the rest of them. This is the Arabic slang for ‘penis’.
147. Uberaffengeil - the Germans always know the right things to say. This means, “super monkey horny.”
148. Chlen - in Russian, this word means ‘member.’
149. Dhanda - this Hindi word literally means stick.
150. Bite - it’s French but kinda works, right?