If you’re in a relationship, no matter how much you love that person, they can really irritate you at times. We’re only human, so this isn’t unnatural in relationships. However, sometimes, instead of dealing with our own personal frustrations we brush them off, meaning, we let them build up inside of us like a volcano. Maybe you think you’re doing a good job of putting your frustrations aside, but, your partner may not be seeing what you see. In fact, your frustrations may be showing their faces during intimate moments with your partner. You may not be touching them anymore, seeing everything they do as irritating or completely dismissing having sex with them. If this is happening, it can be really dangerous for a relationship. With that being said, if you still want to be with your partner, you’re going to have to nip these issues in the butt before it becomes worse. Not sure how? Don’t worry. I’m going to show you the __ ways to handle sexual frustration with your partner.
You need to look at what’s going on
Why are you acting like this? It’s not because they didn’t put the ketchup away after dinner, that’s not it. Sure, it annoys you, but the issue goes much deeper than that. You need to really self-reflect and focus on finding out what the root issue(s) is. If not, you’ll never be able to overcome these negative emotions which are slowly destroying your relationship. So take some time for yourself to really think about your emotions and what’s causing you to feel this way.
Your relationship has to become #1
Right now, your relationship isn’t looking that good. You’re almost repulsed by their touch and trust me, they know it. So at this point, the only thing that will happen, if you don’t address the issue, you two will break up. Now, if that’s what you want, then break up with your partner. However, if this isn’t what you want, you’re going to have to focus on your relationship. Now, your relationship has to become a number one priority in your life. You’re going to need to make time and effort to express your emotions and work through your problems. This isn’t going to be one sit-down conversation and you’re all good, this is going to be work.
Talk to your partner
They obviously have seen a change in your behaviour. Maybe they’ve commented on it or they may have taken a step back, trying to figure out on their own what’s going on. But the point is, you two aren’t communicating because if you were, you would have sat down and tried to figure out a solution. So, once you self-reflect and find out the root cause of your behaviour, it’s time to sit down with your partner and talk about it. There’s no need to yell or become upset, this is about solving the problem. You’re going to have to be open and honest, which isn’t easy but it’s necessary. You can write it down if it makes you feel more comfortable or even go to couples counselling if you’re having problems expressing your emotions.
Focus on intimacy
Your sex life has been lacking. Now, the issue you’re having with your partner could simply be because of the lack of sex you’re having or it could be something else in which a lack of sex is the result. However, this is something you need to work on. If you want to be more intimate with your partner, you’re going to need to invest time into it.
It’s understandable that life can distract you, especially if you’re working, social life, kids - these all play a factor at the end of the day. Sometimes after a long day at work, you just want to go to bed. And, if your work is always stressful, well, then you probably don’t invest much time in having sex in general. But, this is when you become sexually frustrated. This is when the fights start, this is when you start to resent your partner.
You’re going to need to be intimate with your partner but you’re also going to need to show yourself self-love. Don’t forget to connect with yourself. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you cannot masturbate, every now and then. In fact, it’s completely healthy and helps you to not only connect with yourself but release built up stress as well. You can also masturbate with your partner as well.
Don’t forget the sex toys
Many people think that sex toys cannot affect intimacy but in reality, they can make a huge difference. Take your partner to the sex shop and pick the first thing you two are curious by. You two may not end up liking the sex toy you choose, however, it did open up a new avenue for sexual exploration with your partner. You’ll be able to do it again with a new toy and maybe that one will give you better results. The point isn’t necessarily about the toy itself, but it’s more about the journey you’re taking with your partner. It’s new, it’s exciting and it’s different.
There will be times you’ll be sexually frustrated
Even after you guys take and work on your relationship, there will just be periods where life will get in between you and your sex life. So, don’t expect yourself to never be sexually frustrated ever again. Because you will be. What you need to do in those periods is look at the entire situation instead of blaming your partner. There are some things that no one can control, so give your partner a break.
Take up some activities
If you’re sitting on your couch sexually frustrated, well, things aren’t going to get much better for you. What you need to do is take some initiative and try to lessen the amount of frustration you’re feeling. Take up activities that’ll help you decrease these emotions. Boxing, kickboxing, candle making, learning a new language - it really doesn’t matter what you choose to do as long as it helps you distract yourself from being sexually frustrated.
Don’t neglect yourself
It’s easy to get stuck in this frame of mind where you’re unhappy and you’re not feeling sexually fulfilled. This only makes you resent your partner. I mean, if you want to have a pity party for yourself, no one is stopping you, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re sexually frustrated. What you need to do instead, is really focus on taking care of yourself. This isn’t being selfish, this is about loving yourself and making sure you’re at your best. Perhaps you haven’t been loving yourself and this could be a reason as to why your sex life has been lacking. Maybe it’s not necessarily your partner, but it’s actually you. So, really look at yourself and see if you’ve slipped off the whole self-love and respect bandwagon. If so, it’s time to get yourself back on it. You can start working out, eating healthy, get a haircut, read the book you wanted to read last year - it doesn’t have to be huge gestures, but rather ones that significantly impact the way you feel. Once you start feeling good, you’ll notice your behaviour and your relationship change for the better.
Maybe you and your partner have been together for a while and hence, why your sex life has become a little stale. This isn’t unusual and it’s completely fixable. But, it’s going to take some time and effort. You need to spice up your sex life. You can buy some toys and test them out with your partner or you can take up some sexual activity that can heighten sexual arousal. For example, you can take a pole dancing class and then perform it in front of your partner or learn how to give a lap dance. It’ll help put the spark back into the relationship and also show your partner that you’re trying. This could inspire them to learn something new and share it with you. Leading by example is a great way to get the ball rolling.
You won’t be able to fix everything
This may be a hard one to swallow but you have to accept that there will be parts of your relationship that you won’t be able to change. Even though your partner is aware and they try, they’re only human. In addition, life takes its toll on people, so, of course, your sexual libido isn’t going to be the same as it was when you were twenty. Your days may be filled with taking your kids to their activities. These are just parts of your life that you’re going to have to accept as what it is. The only thing you can do to counteract these unchangeable issues is to make time with your partner every week to spend quality time together.
Now that you know what you need to do in order to curb your sexual frustration, it’s time you got to work. Nothing is going to change unless you address these issues and start working on them. Relationships aren’t easy and these periods of sexual frustration will happen to everyone. Though, what you need to focus on it getting you and your partner out of this phase and into a healthier dynamic.